For Future Generations: The Zombie Outbreak Started In Miami, Florida.


Isn’t this how zombie movies always seem to start?

The naked Miami man who was shot dead after allegedly being found eating another man’s face in a drug-induced rage has been identified.

Oh, so the guy was filled with “rage” and he was eating another person in broad daylight? That ring any bells?

British animal liberation activists break into a laboratory in Cambridge and are caught by a scientist while trying to free some chimpanzees being used for medical research. Despite the warnings of the chief scientist that the chimps are infected with a virus dubbed “Rage,” which he claims is highly contagious and only takes one bite to spread, the activists open the cages anyway and release the chimpanzees. A chimp attacks a female activist and immediately infects her, and she in turn infects the other members of the group, including the chief scientist when he attempts to kill her. — 28 Days Later

There are no chimps involved here so far as we know, but still there is a creepy new drug in the mix…

Police said (Rudy) Eugene may have been high on a new experimental form of LSD. They said his actions suggested he may have been affected by excited delirium which can be caused by an overdose of drugs. …The man he attacked was reportedly homeless and slept near the highway exit where he was attacked.

…”‘The guy was like tearing him to pieces with his mouth and I told him to get off. But the guy just kept eating the other guy away, like ripping his skin,” Mr Vega told WSVN.

He said a police officer also ordered the man to “get off” but the attacker just growled at him with a piece of flesh still hanging from his mouth.

Mr Vega said the man continued to eat until he was shot dead.

There were no weapons found at the scene of the crime and police believe the attacker subdued his victim with his bare hands.

Mr Vega said the scene of the crime resembled the set of a horror film.

“It was just blood all over the place. You know, you see these things in the movies but when you see it in person, it’s pretty traumatic,” he said.

In other news, the homeless guy went on a mysterious rampage through the hospital. Apparently, he must have been hopped up on PCP because he was shot dozens of times with no effect until he was hit in the head. Fortunately, no one was killed, but a half-dozen doctors and nurses were bitten. Fortunately, they all seem to be responding well to treatment even though for reasons unknown, their body temperatures seem to be dropping rapidly and their heartbeats have become imperceptible despite the fact that they’re all on their feet and roaming freely around the hospital.

Just kidding, sort of. Actually, if this turns into a zombie outbreak and they try to fix it with a time machine a la 12 Monkeys, I don’t want anyone guessing about where it started.

PS: On a serious note, I’ve already had someone say something to me like, “You’re a psychology major, you read psychology books all the time, and you understand how sociopaths work. Explain why he did this.”

Here’s the thing: When you have someone do something this bizarre, there is no coherent, rational explanation. If Rudy Eugene had lived through this, do you think he could give you a sensible explanation of why he started eating a random person’s flesh and growled when he was told to stop?

Even if he said something that SEEMED to explain it, it wouldn’t really tell you anything. Imagine he said, “I thought I was a wolf” or a “A voice told me to do it” or “Satan possessed me!” The next question is, “So why did you think that?” What’s the lucid answer supposed to be? Even saying, “Oh, well, I was high” doesn’t really explain it because lots of other people will take the same drugs and it won’t cause them to try to eat someone.

The best real, but entirely unsatisfying explanation that I can give you is that people’s behavior is shaped by a lot of factors including genetics, the environment, and how other people react to them. If things get weird enough and people become isolated enough from feedback that can help correct their errant thought patterns, they can get way, way off on some extraordinarily bizarre tangents.

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