Most. Emasculating. Product. Ever.

19 Aug, 2004 by John Hawkins

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I think Germany’s long and tortured transformation from a violent, militaristic, nation into a bastion of Euro-weenieness can now officially be said to be complete…

“German men are being shamed into urinating while sitting down by a gadget which is saving millions of women from cleaning up in the bathroom after them.

The WC ghost, a £6 voice-alarm, reprimands men for standing at the lavatory pan. It is triggered when the seat is lifted. The battery-operated devices are attached to the seats and deliver stern warnings to those who attempt to stand and urinate (known as “Stehpinkeln”).

“Hey, stand-peeing is not allowed here and will be punished with fines, so if you don’t want any trouble, you’d best sit down,” one of the devices orders in a voice impersonating the German leader, Chancellor Gerhard Schroder. Another has a voice similar to that of his predecessor, Helmut Kohl.

…So far 1.8 million WC ghosts have been sold in German supermarkets.”

May I paraphrase my all time favorite comedian here, the hilarious, obscene, and be forewarned — at times blasphemous — Sam Kinison?

Any man who let’s his wife or girlfriend put on of these WC ghosts in his house or apartment should go to all his friends, look them straight in the eye, and say,

“If you see me working round the yard and stuff, around the house…kill me. %$#^#$^%$^ KILL ME! SHOOT ME IN THE FACE, RUN ME OVER WITH A CAR, I LIVE IN HELL!”

Because trust me fellas, if you let your wife or girlfriend put a device in the bathroom to remind you that you need to sit down to pee, it’s over for you. You have less cahones than my dog Patton and he has been neutered. I’m just telling you the truth here guys, the truth that your Euroweenie friends don’t have the courage to tell you about…

Hat tip to Ravenwood’s Universe for finding this story.