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Interviewing Six Conservative Women On Dating

Written By : John Hawkins
April 28, 2008

A few weeks ago, I ran an article called “Interviewing Six Conservative Female Bloggers On Dating.”

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The article received a lot of attention, drew a lot of links, and people were still discussing it weeks after the original piece came out. So, I figured now would be a great time to do a part two.

So, I interviewed another group of conservative women to find out some of their best and worst dating stories, to see if there’s a difference between dating conservative and liberal men, and just to get a little of the dating advice that people seem to be so interested in. Enjoy!

Skye

Skye My buddy Skye, who blogs at MidnightBlue and Flopping Aces is a charming, cultured, conservative Democrat, who lives and blogs in Philadelphia. Since she had told me a few interesting dating stories over the last few months — when she wasn’t trying to talk me into watching horrible French films — I thought she’d be a great addition to this piece.

Give me some pet peeves, things that guys do to annoy you in the dating arena.

Definitely arrogance. If you’re accomplished in your field, you realy don’t brag about it. If you’re bragging about what you’ve accomplished and aren’t listening to a word I’m saying, I will probably just withdraw from the converation and let you speak…

Have you dated liberals before? If so, any difference you can tell between liberal and conservative guys?

Yes, I have and there is a difference. You know what it is? There’s a sense of smug arrogance. I don’t hide my political point of view and quite frankly, it kind of weeds out liberals, so I don’t have to bother with them.

But,there are times when I have dated liberals and there is an arrogance that pervades every facet of their personality. It’s not just a political thing with them; it’s a lifestyle. When you’re dating a liberal, you have to accept that because that’s who they are.

What would you call a pretty good idea for a first date as opposed to a bad idea for a first date?

Pretty good idea: a date hike somewhere, whitewater rafting, walking around an art museum. These are ways you can really tease out the character of the person you’re getting to know.

The worst date is dinner and a movie. That’s so standard. …It’s almost an instinctual reaction. There’s no thought behind it. …With someone you’ve just met, you hardly know this person and you’re going to pretend that you like this when you really don’t. …If, right after this interview, I walked out and met some guy and he asked me to dinner and a movie, I’d probably turn him down.

Tell me the worst dating story of your life.

I fell asleep on the guy. Literally. It’s sad to say, but to this day I know who he is. My cousin Chrissy, she loved to try to set me up with people. So, she had a single friend and I was between boyfriends at the time, so she had the brilliant idea of setting us up to go see a play.

The play she wanted us to go see was called Glengarry Glen Ross . …To make matters worse, I had a horrible week at work, I was exhausted, and I didn’t want to (go on the date). We’re sitting here watching the play and the play itself is boring, depressing, and sad. Great first date material. I’m watching it, it’s warm in the theater, I’m sitting next to him and he’s not talking — The next thing I remember, he’s shaking me awake. I think I was drooling on his shoulder. I was out cold. I was so embarassed.

Kit Lange

Kit Lange My buddy Kit Lange sings (Lullaby is a phenomenl song she does), blogs at Euphoric Reality (check out the Pendleton 8 series), and does a lot of fantastic work on the Gathering of Eagles website. I’ve known Kit for a while now and she has shared her opinions about dating with me many times, so I thought she would be particularly good for this piece.

Have you dated liberals before? If so, any difference you can tell between liberal and conservative guys?

Yeah, liberals are whiny. They’re very selfish and they want you to baby them. I have never once dated a liberal alpha male. …A couple of weeks ago, I went out on a date with a liberal and the moment he showed up, I could instantly tell he was a liberal. His nails were longer than mine, they were manicured, he had a ponytail, and he immediately started talking to me about how I shouldn’t smoke because it was bad for the environment. Immediately, I am thinking “Dear God.”…

How did you end up going out with that guy in the first place?

It was a blind date. One of my friends fixed me up. …(My friend) said it was a joke. He said, “I just wanted to see what you’d do because I know how you are.”

(Laughs) …What would you call a pretty good idea for a first date as opposed to a bad idea for a first date.

…I think a bad first date is dinner and a movie. It’s overdone, trite, boring. …Anything interactive is good. Let’s face it; a first date is an evaluation. I can’t speak for everybody; I am looking at how they talk to strangers, how they treat people they don’t know, how they’re conducting themselves, how they walk, how they carry themselves….

Tell me the worst dating story of your life.

…I met this guy who was a very nice guy, we had met online, and he told me…that he was a diehard conservative. I said, “Ok, that’s cool, we can meet for coffee.”

First of all, he’s an hour late. My limit is usually half an hour, but he calls after half an hour and says, “I’m almost there and I’m really sorry for being late.” I told him that was fine. Well, it takes another half an hour for him to show up. When he did show up — and this was back in the time before I knew to ask for pictures…he looked the North end of a South bound dog. He was, quite honestly, probably one of the 3 ugliest people I have ever seen in my life. Then….he tells me, “I’m unemployed so you’re going to have to pay.” With all of that going on, he tells me, “I kind of fibbed; I’m not realy a conservative. I just wanted to date a conservative to see how crazy you people really are.” Oh wait, it gets better. On top of everything, John, I’m sitting there and, yes, I was going to buy his coffee because it was so morbidly fascinating, like a head rolling down the freeway, that I didn’t want to look away — and I look at my watch. He says, “You gotta be somewhere?” I said, “Yeah, I gotta go.” He says, “Oh that sucks because my car is outside and I was hoping we could get a quickie before you leave.” And he was absolutely serious.

L.A. Holmes

L.A. Holmes L.A. Holmes works at the assignment desk at Fox News Channel and has written freelance for several DC news outlets. She came to my attention because she is the friend of a friend who read the original piece, loved it, and then was recommended to me for the article. I’m glad that recommendation came through because L.A. had a lot of interesting things to say.

Have you dated liberals before? If so, any difference you can tell between liberal and conservative guys?

Yes, I have…The one thing I will give to liberals over conservatives, if they know what they’re talking about, is that they’ll be part of a sprightly conversation. It gets boring agreeing with someone all the time.

But, at the same time, one of the things that irritates me about liberals, beyond the fact that they can’t understand why I believe what I believe, is that liberal men, by and large, seem to have forgotten what chivalry is. I don’t know if that is a consquence of the way they were brought up, the women’s lib movement, and all that. But, I still would like, when I have been working for 10 hours in stiletto heels and walk out to the Metro, for a man to give up his seat for me. The liberal men I’ve dated seem to forget that. It’s polite to hold open the door for me, especially on first dates. It’s polite to pull out my chair for me. I’m not the girl who expects the guy to pick up the tab all the time, but certain manners just seem to escape the liberal men that I’ve dated. In constrast, the conservative men aren’t overly chivalrous, they’re not pandering by any stretch, but they seem to be more respectful of women in general.

What would you call a pretty good idea for a first date as opposed to a bad idea for a first date?

…I saw from the last article that a lot of people said going to the movies was a bad idea for a first date. But, I think a movie selection is a hint about what sort of guy you’re with. If he wants to go see the blood and guts gore movie, the shoot ‘em movie, or one of the Oscar winners, you can get a better sense of what you’re getting yourself into. Then, of course, it’s two hours in the theater and you can think about what transpired before the date. If you had dinner and drinks, it gives you a chance to be together and not have to be “on.”

…I think, ironically you’re going to end up enforcing the (dinner and a movie is a bad idea meme) with the “I’ll just judge you by the movie you pick” thing…

(Laughs) …A lot of it has to do with what’s out. …With my guy friends, I’d want to go see something like Cloverfield, but I wouldn’t want to see the Hills Have Eyes part 6. It says something about a guy when he can choose something that a girl will want to see also…

Tell me the worst dating story of your life. A terrible date…

(Laughs) So, I went to a Christmas party with a guy and it was your typical Christmas party with a bunch of young people. There was a Christmas tree, people wearing green and red, but there also was a keg outside.

…At some point during the night, he decided it would be appropriate to pour beer on my head. For whatever reason, I don’t know why, but I decided not to go home right then and there. It was just kind of like, “Ok, I’ll laugh it off.” After the fact, I realized that was ridiculous, but the night progressed. Then we went out and we ran into his ex-girlfriend. She and I had some words and he actually decided that we were not going to speak any more because I didn’t know how to get along with his ex-girlfriend, who he hadn’t actually…. like dumped.

What do you think the biggest thing women have wrong about men is?

They think men are just out for sex…there are a lot of men like that, men who do really sketchy things and cheat on their girlfriends, but women do the same thing. Women shouldn’t put themselves on a pedestal and say all men are dogs, all men are scum, all men are out to break your heart because it’s just not true. …There are a lot of really, really nice guys out there who are not to be feared.

Bettina Inclan

Bettina Inclan After the last dating article, my buddy Bettina Inclan — who used to be the Executive Director of the Republican National Hispanic Assembly and is now a staffer for Thadeus McCotter , Chairman of the House Republican Policy Committee — was telling me about how she would have answered some of the questions in the article. So naturally, when I decided to do a part 2, I invited Bettina to participate and I managed to tease an interview out of her when she wasn’t raving about how much she adores her current boyfriend.

Any differences you can tell between liberal and conservative guys?

…I don’t stereotype them, but in my experience, liberals tend to be…more sensitive about issues and….more willing to (insist) that their position is right. Clearly, I work in a field where politics is important, but it’s not the “be all and end all” of life. There have been several times where I have had to walk away from a conversation because it’s like, “Continue debating with yourself, some more.”

Bettina told me some stories about dating liberals in DC.

I have dated several liberal guys in DC. When I was a young staffer, it was my first year here and I went on a date with a young Democratic staffer. We had promised not to talk about politics and we were on a really nice date and then about halfway through, he looked at me and said “I need to know something,” and I said, “what?” He said, “What’s your positon on gun control?” (Laughs) I looked at him like, “Are you kidding me?”

Then, I had one date and when I told him I was a Republican, the guy literally stopped talking. He literally stopped talking and had nothing else to say other than things like, “Can you pass the salt?”

I dated this Democrat when I worked on the Bush campaign and he was working on the Kerry campaign. When we were working the campaigns, we really fought. Not “fought, fought,” but it got so bad we had to stop. I remember one time that I told him, “I’m not going into your apartment until you put all those Kerry things away.”

What do you think the biggest thing women have wrong about men is?

I think a lot of girls expect men to read their minds… they’re not psychic, because if they were, the world would be a much different place.

(The other things is women) analyze everything. …We, in our heads, over-analyze everything that the guy did. The reason that he moved to the couch was because there was more room, not because he was trying to get away from you.

Moxie

MoxieMy friend Moxie is a professional photographer, writer, and she also blogs, works in radio, and is even working on a book about dating.

Have you dated liberals before? If so, any difference you can tell between liberal and conservative guys?

Sure, I used to date liberals. They were always the ones who had a problem with conservative women. So much for the “open-minded liberal” myth.

It has been years since I intentionally dated a liberal. But I don’t ask any more — don’t have to — you can see it in their actions. Liberals were always happy to suggest we split the check; it must be some Clintonian socialist entitlement. They also tend to own clothing displaying their irrational fear of Dick Cheney, and/or love for Che Guevara. They are the shaggy haired, greasy hipster types you find loitering in the Apple Store.

Even now, I’d date a decent liberal. If a guy really cares, he should have no problem proving his love for me by voting McCain/Rove ’08. It will make him feel like a real man.

What is the weirdest date you have gone on or been asked to go on.

An Easter brunch where the guy I was dating told me I’d meet all the other girls he was dating, and sternly warned me I had to be nice to them. Obviously I didn’t go to that gathering. I never signed up to be on The Bachelor!

Have you ever done online dating? If so, what was that like?

Sure, I’ve tried online dating. And shockingly, I met a lot of liberals in Los Angeles! Imagine that. Some were actually nice, but not the American ones.

The best was this liberal English bloke from eHarmony who called me his “favorite conservative.” Of course he eventually vanished. I was heartbroken to find out he was too polite to tell me — he downgraded to a liberal woman — with cankles and purple contacts. Obviously, she must have an unusually wonderful personality.

That said, I’ve met a few great conservative men through online dating. And while the chemistry was not there (or the timing was off), with at least one we keep in touch, talk about politics, our cats and his new girlfriend.

Tell me the worst dating story of your life.

Can’t talk about that, it’s in the book I’m writing. But I will say it’s truly shocking. How’s that for a teaser?

My more run-of-the-mill dating horror stories involve a man who turned out to be “happily” married, a life-long Scientologist, a guy who was romantically in love with his biological sister, a stalker, a psychopath and several of your average drunken jerks.

Megan McArdle

Megan McArdle Megan McCardle is a Libertarian who writes some brilliant material on politics and economics over at The Atlantic. After a piece she did on dating tall women caught my eye (Megan is 6’2), I thought she might be game to be interviewed for this article. Luckily, it turns out she was.

Have you dated liberals before? If so, any difference you can tell between liberal and conservative guys — or liberal and libertarian guys in your case, either or?

I have dated all three…No, I wouldn’t say that there is a difference. It sort of depends on the conservative guy. I haven’t dated a lot of hardcore social conservatives for obvious reasons, but I think that the danger with the liberals and conservatives is that if they are living in an area where they’re dominant, they can be quite set and unimaginative about their political ideas.

I also had a guy I went on a blind date with, who didn’t know my politics. This was in 2005 after I’d voted for George Bush, and he was (complaining about the) election

I wasn’t going to say anything — I was like, “I am not going to get into this over dinner.” …He looked at me after a non-committal answer about (how he, we were all mourning Bush’s election) and said, “Aren’t we?” (Laughs).

But, it’s the personality of the guy. I’ve dated generous, bleeding heart libertarians and conservatives and sexist, annoying liberals. It’s really the person, not the ideology.

What is the weirdest date you have gone on or been asked to go on?

The weirdest date I ever went on was when I was in college. I was taken, I swear to God I am not making this up, by a guy from my Spanish class to go to the dump and shoot rats with his friends….

I bet you went out and shot some rats too, didn’t you?

Well, I didn’t hit any. I am tender hearted. …I really like shooting, but I don’t like shooting living creatures. …But, I did fire off a handgun or two, at cans.

Tell me the worst dating story of your life.

(Groans)

See, I can tell you’ve got one in mind already.

I know absolutely what the worst date I ever went on was. It was a blind date…we went to….an Irish place — and God, I hope my father never listens to this.

So, we got to this place and he tried to order me a Budweiser and I was like, “I don’t really like beer.” So, he ordered me a glass of the house white wine. Then the waitress came and while I was looking at the menu, she said, “Do you want an appetizer?” He said, “Yes, we’ll have the bangers and mash.” …If you don’t know, that’s basically sausage and mashed potatoes.

He ordered it and had several more beers and I nursed my glass of white wine while we waited for the food. The food came, I started to eat it, and after the first bite, and he actually made a joke about women eating sausage that made me not able to eat any more food.

Also, as he drank more, he started trying to grab my knee under the table — I’d known him now for an hour and a half. The service was really slow, which was just making it worse. Finally, the waitress came and she said, “Will that be all?” and he said, “Yeah,” and I said, “No, no, I’d like dessert.” I was so mad at this point because he was like a hydra. I’d slap one hand away and four more would grow in its place. …I ordered the most expensive dessert on the menu and then when she came back with the check, I was like, “No, no, I want another dessert,” and I ate it. I felt like, “I’m owed this much.”

Then we got up to leave and we walked outside and he was like, “Would you like to come back to my place for a nightcap?” …It was around 8 o’clock at night. I was like, “First of all, it’s 8 o’clock and my night’s not quite capped. Second of all, I wouldn’t go back to your apartment because I just met you.” ….Then he looked at me and said, “Well then, how are you planning to pay for dinner?”

(Laughs)

(Laughs) I am no longer friends with the person who set me up on this blind date. So, I was just stunned. I was 23 years old and it had just never occurred to me that anyone would say anything like this ….I said, “First of all, I cannot be bought and second of all, if I could, it would not be for Bangers and Mash and a glass of white wine.” Then I grabbed all the money I had in my purse, threw it at him, and hailed a cab. Then I realized I had no money to pay the cab. (Laughs) So, I explained to the cab driver what happened, I went into my building to get some money, and when I came back out he said, “Don’t worry about it” and waved and drove away.

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