The 20 Best Quotes From Greg Gutfeld


Most people know Greg Gutfeld as the funny guy from Red Eye and The Five. However, he’s also a brilliant writer who manages to make profound points in a funny way. Enjoy his quotes!

20) “The media is Obama’s scandal condom.”

19) “The more people care about something far, far away, the less they care about their immediate surroundings — or the people they annoy within those surroundings. It’s always the roommate who’s obsessed with saving the orangutans whose personal hygiene is similar to one.”

18) “The great writer Michael Moynihan calls it the ‘free breakfast’ theory of tyrant love. All an evil scumbag has to do is offer something seemingly free, and somehow celebrities forgive all the other awful things they did. You raped my sister but bought the city a pig? It’s a push.”

17) “When a gay man tweets me, saying, ‘I’m tired of people judging me on my sexuality,’ my feeling is, then stop tweeting about it.”

16) “Liberalism is the one-way ticket to backslapping approval among the cool kids, which makes it about as rebellious as a divorced dad getting an earring from the local mall’s Piercing Pagoda.”

15) “You know you’re getting close to the truth when someone is calling you a racist.”

14) “All that matters in the world is to believe. Never mind evidence or facts; as long as you believe, then you’re admired for your passion. And in a modern world where every greenie, leftist, or prog embraces their iPads and iPods, as well as the organic food trucked in by, um, trucks—to Whole Foods—they still ‘believe’ that man-made stuff is bad.”

13) “The infatuation with the eccentric (a nice word for ‘batsh*t crazy’) originates from a kernel of cool philosophy. Anything that rebels against structure has to be good. In fact, it has to be better! The white picket fence is just a symbol of oppression (it’s white, after all); the man who tears down that fence is the hero.”

12) “The idea of tolerance — a seemingly innocuous concept — has now become something else entirely: a way to bludgeon people into shutting up, piping down, and apologizing, when the attacked are often the ones that hold the key to common sense.”

11) “To be aggrieved means you’ve created an impenetrable wall of ‘feeling’ around you: No one can question you because you’re ‘outraged.'”

10)” We embrace tolerance, yet those expecting it remain immune from its demands. We tolerate their intolerance for fear we might hurt their feelings…”

9) “If you need to tell me you’re gay, I’m thinking you’re not really gay. You’re just boring. Right now, as I write this, the media is reporting that a gay man is trying to make the NFL as a field goal kicker. Remove ‘gay’ from the equation, and the reporter has to find another story. That story, however, will never be ‘Gay man doesn’t give a sh*t about being gay.’”

8) “It’s cool to have a low view of Americans — not its enemies. You get paid to express such opinions because everyone around you thinks the same way. This is the cool creed: When bad things happen to America, think badly of America.”

7) “Fact is, the desperate desire to be cool has skewed our culture toward nihilism, carelessness, and ineptitude. It is now cool to be an idiot. A jackass. It’s cool to be a failure, as long as your failure is the basis for a reality show.”

6) “America is positively no longer a melting pot. We’re a giant wallet waiting to be picked.”

5) “If America was a house, the Left would root for the termites.”

4) “The real divide is not on skin color — it’s on skin thickness. The thick skins, whether they are black or white, versus the thin skins, whether they are the black or the white.”

3) “I’m wary of the gotcha nature of discourse that turns all debates into a battlefield. We are now all experts at divining what’s in people’s hearts.”

2) “The moment People of Color stop thinking about color, the cool racist loses his clout. And their radical agenda is dead — which is why they must perpetuate the hate.”

1) “When one becomes a liberal, he or she pretends to advocate tolerance, equality and peace, but hilariously, they’re doing so for purely selfish reasons. It’s the human equivalent of a puppy dog’s face: an evolutionary tool designed to enhance survival, reproductive value and status. In short, liberalism is based on one central desire: to look cool in front of others in order to get love. Preaching tolerance makes you look cooler, than saying something like, ‘please lower my taxes.'”

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