You have to give liberalism a certain amount of credit. It doesn’t work, destroys lives, and pits people against each other, but that’s not to say that there are no advantages to being a liberal. Sure, you may end up sleeping in a tent in Zuccotti Park, reading Noam Chomsky’s laughably ignorant books, or having to watch Rachel Maddow babble incoherent nonsense on MSNBC, but the fringe benefits cannot be beaten!
1) If you’re a politician, no matter how dumb you are or how poor your decision- making is, the press will still never question your intelligence.
2) You can claim to personally speak for everyone in your gender or racial group, like you’re their leader, and the press will take you seriously.
3) You can feel completely superior to people who are more admired, more influential, richer, happier, more successful, and just generally better than you in almost every way (like Sarah Palin) because they’re conservatives.
4) You can declare that other people should have their money taken away and given to the government and still get credit for being “compassionate” even if you give nothing yourself.
5) You can leave a woman to die at the bottom of a tidal pool, use crack, or have a gay prostitution ring run out of your apartment and other liberals will STILL vote for you.
6) You can suggest that black Americans are too incompetent to handle something as simple as getting a photo ID without being called racist.
7) You can use capitalism to make huge piles of money and then turn right around and score brownie points with your fellow liberals by ripping an economic system that made it possible for you to actually become filthy rich writing, making music, or acting for a living.
8) No matter how many insults you lob at people you disagree with or how determined you are to refuse to listen to their arguments, you will never feel as if you’re being uncivil or close minded.
9) You can be a white man who calls himself the first black President without getting in trouble with Al Sharpton and be a serial adulterer who even cheats with an intern without getting in trouble with NOW.
10) You can go an entire lifetime without having a single kind thing to say about America and still consider yourself to be patriotic.
11) Similarly, you can disregard the Bible, ignore slurs aimed at Christianity, and mock people who take their religious beliefs seriously and still consider yourself to be a Christian.
12) You can be perfectly fine with cheating on your own taxes while you call other people “greedy” for not wanting to pay higher taxes themselves.
13) If you’re a minority, you can actually hold a prominent media job centered around regularly accusing other people of being racists.
14) You’ll be considered “courageous” by your left-wing friends when you get up in front of a group of liberals and say things that all of you believe to be true.
15) If you run for office, you’ll get questions like, “(Do you think your opponents are) uninformed, out of touch, or irresponsible?” from the media while your opponents will be getting asked questions that start with the presumption that they hate half the country or their economic policies couldn’t possibly work.
16) You can be a former KKK member who drops the N-bomb on TV and people will still deny you’re a racist.
17) You can ride around in an SUV, fly on a private jet, and have a mansion while you lecture other people about the importance of having a small environmental footprint and other liberals won’t have a problem with it at all.
18) You can claim to hold the exact same position as conservatives on gay marriage and you won’t be called a homophobe.
19) You can regularly call conservative women sluts, whores, tw_ts, and even the C-word and still call yourself a feminist without other people laughing out loud.
20) You get to feel comfortable with lying to other people because you know what’s in their own best interests better than they do and if they were a little more enlightened — like you — they’d thank you for misleading them into doing the right thing!