WASHINGTON - Congress yesterday passed a bill which was promptly signed by the President that makes quoting Yoda, the Jedi teacher from "Star Wars", a federal crime punishable by up to 10 years in prison.

"I'm glad to see this happen," Said a relieved Attorney General John Ashcroft. "It was really getting out of hand. After we started bombing in Afghanistan, we received countless letters and emails from nerds telling us that 'Wars not make one great' and 'Once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny, consume you it will'. It had to be stopped, I mean, Jesus Christ, what a bunch of dorks! I join the President in congratulating the House and Senate on this fine bi-partisan effort."

But news of the new law strikes some as unconstitutional. "It's a clear violation of the first amendment." Said Mark Dingblum, President of the YQADL (Yoda Quoters Anti-Defamation League) "However, dwell on the could haves, we must not. Focus on the solution, we must." After his last sentence, Dingblum was the first arrested under the new law.

Republican majority Whip Tom Delay disagrees with Dingblum. "I think quoting somebody who's not real, and acting as if he's a real philosopher is just plain sick. Quote Descartes, Hegel, Nietzsche or Plato if you want, but not a fictional character. This law is good, this law is just, this law is much needed."

Senator Olympia Snowe (R-Maine) voted against the new law. Speaking with Star Wars producer George Lucas at her side, she vowed to try to get the law overturned.

Lucas then said, "Do, or do not. There is no try" and was immediately taken into custody.

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