Looking for an escape from the endless misery of married life? Do you need a break from playing Quake 3 so long that your hands are gnarled stumps? Well then, BKW is here to help with our Video Reviews! John Hawkins himself reviews some of the hottest (by hottest we mean the oldest, stupidest, and most idiotic) movies out there!

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon: While this movie does have lots of nifty action sequences, I'm not sure why the Academy Awards jumped all over it because there are 5034942394923 other chop socky movies that have scenes that are just as cool in them. It also has sub-titles and an ending that is so depressing you'll be tempted to hang yourself to death from the balcony.

Lara Croft: Tomb Raider: This film has several points of interest including: Horribly filmed action sequences mixed with staring at Angelina Jolie's breasts, a ridiculous plot combined with staring at Angelina Jolie's breasts, and trying to figure out how a deformed troll like Billy Bob Thorton managed to talk Angelina Jolie into marrying him while pondering the majesty of Angelina Jolie's breasts. The good points: Angelina Jolie's breasts. The bad parts: everything else.

'N Sync: Popodyssey Live: Best musical movie ever made. A cinematic masterpiece that everyone should see...unless they want the terrorists to win. P.S. I hate all of you and want you to waste two hours of your life for not telling more of your friends about BKW...but that obviously has **NOTHING** to do with this movie review.

Pootie Tang: I never went to see this hellish monstrosity. But, after seeing the promos I have no doubt that if you see this movie, your brain will explode, your eyes will pop out, and blood, pus, and ear wax will flow out of your nose while you scream "How could a loving God allow this movie to happen" over and over until you die...

Rush Hour 2: I find Chris Tucker to be so annoying that I usually would love to punch him in the mouth every time I hear him talk for more than 11 seconds at a clip. However, due to some cosmic force, possibly dark matter, anti-matter, or a tear in the space-time continuum, he is really entertaining when partnered up with Jackie Chan. I also found out that I'm sexually attracted to evil, Asian women who beat people up like Zhang Ziyi. Zhang Ziyi can kick me in the face anytime she wants.

Shrek: Lot's of violence, farting, risky behavior, rude treatment of friends, inter-species love between an ogre and human, oppression of minorities (fairy tale characters), and a depiction of authority figures as evil. Great movie for kids!!

The Titanic: Why this movie made so much money is beyond me. The first hour and forty five minutes of the movie will make you want to rip your own skull open with a tire iron because it's so boring. The fact that Leonardo Dicaprio is in the movie is like a kick in the nuts on top of that. Of course the last hour and 15 minutes has pretty cool special effects but since you go into the theater pretty much knowing that almost everyone dies, it's not exactly a nail biter finish either.