| |||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
Kneecapping Barack Obama at every opportunity. | ||
BAGHDAD, IRAQ -- In a surprise move, Iraqi leader Saddam Hussein began his 2004 re-election campaign today with the slogan, "Go and die fighting for your country so I don't have to kill you myself." Political analysts believe he is trying to mobilize his core supporters with the early campaign launch, and reach out to swing voters that may be thinking of surrendering to the Americans. If he wins the 2004 election and avoids getting blown up by coalition forces, he will begin his eighth consecutive term in office.
However, Saddam faces unique challenges in this contest. His economic policy of taking all the money from the people and building palaces and chemical weapons has yet to resonate with voters, and his policy of antagonizing the United States has not turned into the winning strategy that some predicted.
Despite these failures, criticism of his policies has been short-lived, and he has managed to win 100% of the vote in the past seven elections. Many attribute this amazing winning streak to the fact that Saddam is so well loved that nobody has ever had any reason to run against him. Saddam's 2000 landslide victory was hallmarked by the challenge he put to Iraqi voters: "Are you better off now than you will be in four years? Are you sure about that?"
If you liked this satire by Shamus Young, you can read more of his material at The Lemon.