Yes, this country has absorbed huge migrations of illiterate peasants in the past -- notably Italian immigrants at the turn of the last century. But also notably, half of them went back. We got the good ones. America was not yet a welfare state guaranteeing room and board to the luckless, the lazy and the incompetent from cradle to grave. -- Ann Coulter
The Man's Translation Guide: What Are Women Really Saying?
by John Hawkins & Yusuken
We can't go out because I've got a boyfriend: I prefer my male cat and a half gallon of Ben and Jerry's to you.
It's not you, it's me: It's you.
I don't date men where I work: Unless they have a lot of money or are attractive and you are neither.
I'm concentrating on my career too much right now to go out with anyone: Even something as boring and un-fulfilling as my job is better than dating you.
I'm just taking a relationship quiz I found in Redbook...: I hate you and I'm hoping this quiz will help me figure out why I haven't dumped you already.
Let's just be friends: I want you to stay around so I can tell you in excruciating detail about all the other men I meet and have sex with. It's that male perspective thing.
I'm not telling you what's wrong, you should know!: Look at him Squirm! Hahahah!
I have a big surprise for you that I want to reveal on the Jerry Springer show.: I intend to publicly humiliate you by revealing that your penis was so small that it drove me to have lesbian three ways with your mother and your sister.
I am VERY into women's rights! I am woman hear me roar!!: I'm not getting a boob job, a nose job, wearing make-up, doing my hair, and developing a personality just to get a man. I'll just have to make do.
Do you think I need to lose 10 pounds?: I want you to prove that you love me by lying and saying that I don't need to lose 10 pounds when I actually do. That's despite the fact that I flipped out last week and yelled at you for a solid hour about how relationships are built on honesty.
I think you're a little too old to go out with me: Having sex with you would be like having sex with my father.
I don't want to take a chance on ruining our friendship by going out: You physically repulse and disgust me. I would rather become a nun than have sex with you.
You deserve someone better than me: I had no idea you'd turn out to be such a hopeless dork. Going out with you was the most embarassing thing I've ever done.
Tell me the truth, do you think she's prettier than me?: Despite the fact that I'm asking you to compare me to a super model you must lie and say I am more attractive than her or you hate me and want me to die.
Want to see more work by Yusuken? Then go to The Hive.
