RICHMOND, VA — Dan Bonner took every opportunity to tell his friends at work about how disappointed he was by ‘Wishmaster 3′, a movie he rented the previous week-end.
“I was expecting great special effects, a fantastic plot, and phenomenal action but ‘Wishmaster 3′ failed to deliver on all counts. I mean I was looking for ‘Return of the Jedi’ and I got ‘Battlefield Earth.’ Wait, ‘Battlefield Earth’ is high praise for this turkey, this is like some sort of home movie made by amateurs or something” said Bonner.
According to Bonner’s co-worker Tonya Deem, this wasn’t Mr. Bonner’s first bad experience with a movie.
“Oh you should have heard him after he saw ‘Leprechaun in the Hood.’ It was all he talked about for a solid week. I hope he doesn’t talk about this one for that long.”
Unfortunately for Bonner’s colleagues he showed no signs of letting up.
“I enjoyed the first two installments of the ‘Wishmaster’ series. They were witty and well done. But this one? Oh my God! The first wish the evil Djinn grants is to give a man the “the love of the two women he thinks are the most beautiful in the world.” So the women show up, get naked, and just kill him. What is that all about? Is that supposed to be clever and entertaining? I mean sure both of them got naked but it was gratuitous nudity and it didn’t further the plot one iota!”
Mr. Bonner’s supervisor Tom Parsons seemed mildly irritated by Bonner’s constant commentary about his unpleasant video watching experience.
“Oh damn it. Now I’m going to be hearing about ‘Wishmaster 3′ for days and days. Hey, maybe it’s just me but, who watches ‘Wishmaster 3′ and expects it to be a great movie? It’s not like he was watching ‘Braveheart’ or something. I mean you’d think he’d just get over it.”
Despite the fact that his boss wished he would just “get over it”, Mr. Bonner continued to obsess about ‘Wishmaster 3′, even to the point of telling the UPS guy all about how his hopes were crushed by ‘Wishmaster 3.’
“I must have been a complete fool to have thought that ‘Wishmaster 3′ was going to provide me with some quality entertainment. You know I thought about walking into Blockbuster and demanding a refund. But you know what? Even getting that $3.50 back in my hands wouldn’t give me that hour and a half of my life back. That time is gone forever.”
The UPS guy seemed to be puzzled with Mr. Bonner’s comments.
“What’s up with all this Wishmaster 3 stuff? Why is he telling me about it? What am I supposed to do about it?”
Mr. Bonner’s mood was lightened somewhat late in the afternoon by thoughts of renting another movie after work to take his mind off the cruel trick of fortune that was ‘Wishmaster 3′. Although he wasn’t sure which movie to rent, he did think ‘A Nightmare on Elm Street Part 5: Dream Child’ seemed like a sure winner.