We here at Mad Osama Inc. have the hottest real estate deals in
all of Afghanistan. They're hotter than an American fuel-air bomb
and that's plenty hot!! Our founder and patron Osama Bin Laden
has personally visited every one of these caves so he knows what
great deals they are! But as everyone knows, Osama never goes
to the same cave twice (sorry US special forces) so he's looking
for some lucky Afghanis to take these great deals off of his hands!
Let's get right down to business before the Americans show up
and kill us all shall we?
Nice and Roomy
Now this is what I call a cave! It's got lots of room for you,
up to 15 wives, 40 children, and as many as a dozen camels! Plus
an extra added bonus there is huge cavern full of bats. Now in
the past that would of scared some people away. But in these troubling
times bat stew doesn't look so bad (Mad Osama denies reports that
there are any vampire bats in these caves. Those are merely American
lies!) This cave also has a convenient stream of water nearby.
Unfortunately that does often cause the cave to completely fill
up with water when it rains but that's a good way to get rid of
wives you get tired of...hahahahahah!!! -- Price Tag? 2 Strings
of beads, a bag of American wheat, and 4 shiny rocks.
Fixer Upper
Now this one is kind of a fixer upper. On the upside, it has
lots of open air and sunshine. On the other hand it doesn't have
a roof since it was hit with a Russian missile back in 1985. However
it does have a terrific natural rock formation in the form of
a chair. It would be a perfect spot to put a TV in front of (if
TVs were legal and there was any electricity). Also as another
added benefit, Osama killed 4 men in this cave and buried them
in them corner. Buy this one within the next two weeks and their
corpses are free! -- Price Tag? 6 big rocks. This one is so
cheap we're almost giving it away!!
Osama's Pick 'O' The Day
Now here's what I'm talking about!
As you can see, this cave has not just one, but two entrances!
These caves are super roomy and yet are so low to the ground that
they are almost impossible for an American bomber to see from
the air. This was one of Osama's favorite caves. In fact he was
planning to actually come back to these caves and settle down
one day (which is why he riddled the area with landmines). Unfortunately,
it doesn't look like Osama will have a chance to retire because
of some unforseen circumstances beyond his control. Make Osama's
loss your gain! -- Price Tag? 5 big rocks, 9 shiny rocks, 4
strings of beads and 2 camels (Mad Osama is not responsible for
the deaths of children, wives, or livestock because of landmines).
Hidden Fortress
This is the best of the bunch! These caves have had extensive
work done on them and they are a perfect hidden fortress for any
mujahideen on the go! These caves have everything! Do you have
some crazy American marines or British SAS sneaking in your front
door? Well no worries, this cave has 3 ways out! That's right,
I said 3 ways out! Plus these caves are almost bomb proof. They
are so deep that nothing short of a nuclear weapon is going to
send you to meet those 72 willing virgins in heaven (or to hell,
please consult your mullah for guidance). If you find a safer
cave in all of Afghanistan, Crazy Osama will eat his turban! --
Price 4 camels, 9 sets of beads, 6 bags of American wheat, 11
big rocks, and an Ak-47.
Look for more deals from Crazy Osama next week unless
the Americans get here first!
