We here at Mad Osama Inc. are back with incredible deals for all you Western capitalists. As everyone knows, the sons of pigs and monkeys from America have used trickery to whittle our 80,000 man army in Afghanistan down to 73 mighty mujahideen! Soon we will mount a counter-jihad that will wipe out the entire Western world. But, launching jihads isn’t cheap! So although we’re going to kill all of you one day, there’s no reason you can’t enjoy some of these crazy, crazy, deals from Mad Osama Inc. in the interim! Just take a look at what we have to offer…
Kalashnikovs: These guns are the finest in Soviet weaponry. They are much better than your lousy American made AK-47s! Furthermore, these weapons were wielded by Taliban soldiers fighting the American pig-dogs in Afghanistan. That gives them sentimental value! Also, as a general rule they were only dropped once.
Price: $200! Did you hear that you corrupt and decadent Western Zionists? $200!
American Bomb Fragments: We have fragments from bombs that were dropped on us in Afghanistan. This would make a great souvenir for imperialist American soldiers who arrive back home after oppressing the world’s most virtuous people, the Taliban and Al-Queda! I can’t believe we are selling these so cheap considering what we had to go through to get them but everything must go!
Black Turbans: We have 80,000, that’s right I said, 80,000 black turbans ready to ship. We are giving great deals on these turbans because many of the people that wore them had lice and a lot of them are covered with blood. But, it’s nothing you can’t fix with one of your evil washing machines. Once one of my wives wanted a washing machine. I stoned her to death!
C4 and Plastique: Is your neighbor playing his music too loud? Did he park in your parking space? Did his big, ugly, American, dog poop in your yard? Then teach him a lesson by declaring jihad! Strap a bomb made of C4 or plastique to your chest, ring his doorbell, and then blow yourself up! That’ll teach him not to mess with you!! We supply enough plastique or C4 to destroy one small house. Ask about our “school bus full of kids” special if you are looking for a larger quantity!
Burqas: Is your woman dressing like an American slut? Is she barely covering herself by only wearing pants, a long sleeve turtle-neck, and a parka? Then put her in a burqa! Trust us, it worked great in Afghanistan! Don’t believe us? In America you have Rosanne Bar, Hillary Clinton, and that crazy b*tch Ann Heche! In Afghanistan women shut up and obey our every command. Sure you can’t see what they look like until you get them in the bedroom. But it’s like your satanic holiday Christmas every night as you unwrap your woman like a package and she sees to your every whim. Each burqa comes with a stick so you can beat your woman if she displeases you in any way.
Check out some of these other great deals from Mad Osama Inc. right here. I’ve gotta run now because I hear a plane off in the distance but we’ll be back soon. Just like our slogan says: “Look for more deals from Mad Osama next week unless the Americans get here first!”