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Kneecapping Barack Obama at every opportunity. | ||
BKW LOVES it's fans!! Keep sending those emails and we'll keep responding to our loyal fans ]=D
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From: afclub@*******.com
To: webmaster@brassknuckles.net
Subject: middle eastern girls gone wild
Date: Thu,22 Nov 2001 09:27:49 -0800 (PST)
How about a page on Jew whores going wild you jew f***ot c***sucker. Do you actually think middle easterners sit down and take this sh*t. Jew girls are the biggest whores. Jew men are cowards. Israel will soon be a thing of the past.
My response...
Dear afclub
Tsk, tsk, tsk. I'm betting that Allah doesn't give 72 virgins to people with potty mouths. On the other hand it is nice to see that the "it's Allah's will that I blow up this school bus full of Jewish children" demographic reads the page. Hell, I'm surprised you had time to even write me inbetween beating small children for flying kites, stoning women to death for wearing white shoes, jihading on people for stepping on your sand castle or whatever it is you fundamentalist lunatics like to do with your free time when you aren't getting shot by US special forces or accidentally blowing yourselves up making bombs.
Yours truly
John Hawkins
P.S.: I'm not Jewish but I'm so damn smooth that they wish I was...
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**Sample Email (I've gotten dozens of emails like this since I started the page so I rather than just print similar letters over and over I thought I'd just give you a sample of the typical letter I get from people offering to let me use their work)**
Dear (Archfriend / Archfield / Archieflend)
I have been reading your page for a while now and I have to say that (Your material is sh*t / your page sucks / your page really blows compared to Something Awful and/or the Onion). So I would like to help you out by sending you my (Goth poetry / ICQ Prank where I do nothing but call someone a f*ggot over and over again / My 9 page book report on the life of Joan of Ark that I wrote for my 6th grade English class). Also, the design of your page is awful too. If you'd like I could create a cool new design for you with (A Stairway to Heaven midi looping endlessly / a 1 MB graphic I drew on a sheet of notebook paper on every page / Comet Cursors, loads of java script, and all the malformed code my Front Page WYSIWYG editor can crank out).
Well let me know if you want me to improve your page and hurry up and update (insanely old section of the page I discontinued because everyone hated it and/or couldn't care less about it)
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Email I Received: I just thought this was amusing. Here's an email I received last week from someone named Annie...
"Supzors.. I'm Annie a reader fer youre site and i was just wondering who wrote Emperor Galactus from ICQ pranks and Brave Sir Bin Laden. Please write bac soon........btw absolutle LOVE your site....my favorite by far"
I replied...
"Hello
I did both...Glad you liked the site..."
And then she replied =D
"Sorry. I kno that sounds real stupid ta ask buh mah friend had claimed ta write those .He also said that he was a part or BKW. thanx.lataz"
So there's some kid out there probably trying to talk his way into this girl's pants by telling her that he writes for Brass Knuckles. Hey buddy, let me give you a hint, being a webmaster doesn't pull women. You'd have a better chance of turning her on by eating plutonium until you glowed green than saying you write for a website. In fact, when I meet women I never tell them that I run a website. I usually tell them I'm a garbage man or a telemarketer because I have a better shot of getting laid that way. In fact, if there were any truth in advertising our slogan wouldn't be "The Firestone Tire of the Internet Super Highway" it would be "BKW, we'll absolutely, unconditionally, never be able to help you get any action."
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From: "John" <********@olg.com>
To: (webmaster@brassknuckles.net)
Subject: An observation
Date: Fri, 16 Nov 2001 16:34:37 -0500
I happened to link to your site and read through some of your material, when I came across some interesting remarks. So I copied a couple of lines and I'm pasting them here for you to ponder.
Hey genius, have YOU ASKED YOURSELF why would anyone in their right mind would want to invade Afghanistan? It borders China and Russia and it already looks like the parts of Iraq we carpet bombed for months.
We were at peace you empty headed hippies!
I think this kind of dysfunctional logic, which leads to a warped view of reality, the world, and your own country, is what prompts many to view Americans with little respect. Our blind trust in CNN, our government, and other organizations doesn't make us look very smart either.
I used to think the way you do. Then I grew up.
My response...
John
Feel free to take the tin foil off of your head fruit loop. There are no aliens sending signals to your brain. Also, if you'd stop basing your opinion of the government on what you see on the X-files every week, you wouldn't be such a paranoid idiot who thinks that we're blowing ourselves up so that we have an excuse to conquer a bunch of tribesmen and take their rocks.
You're on the internet so educate yourself for God's sake. You're not supposed to get stupider as you get older...
AF
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From: swanji66@hotmail.com
To: webmaster@brassknuckles.net
Subject: The "keelhaul" of a conspiracy theorist
Date: Tue,20 Nov 2001 15:07:39 -0800 (PST)
That wasn't a scathing rebuke! It was highschool lunchroom "high-side" fighting! Please, if you're gonna support some moron whose only way of countering the statements of a conspiracy theorist is to insult him, get a smarter moron. And by the way, it is documented in interviews on CNN and in the Washington Post that the U.S. actually did know that the Talibian, specifically Bin Laden, was planning to run planes into the twin towers. These interviews took place in late July. We knew yet we did nothing. We probably didn't plan the attacks, but we knew they were going to happen.
My response...
Dear Swanji
Swanji. That's some name..Swanji. It's just rolls off the tongue. Much like "I HATE YOU" just rolls off my tongue when I'm talking to a daft looney who thinks that CNN and the Washington Post have reported that we knew Bin Laden has been planning to hit the Twin Towers since July. It should be legal to beat people like you or feed you to giant, psychotic, pigs like they tried to do to Anthony Hopkins in that movie "Hannibal". The very fact that a retard like you is reading my page is unacceptable and it shall not stand. In fact, from here on out, you are no longer allowed to read my page, discuss it, or even think about it. If you continue to read my page I will have friends in the Illuminati contact the aliens who'll send up a black helicopter to send signals directly into your brain allowing us to read your thoughts and make you change your nickname to Crowji. Fear us and never, never breed, or else I call in the men in black.
AF <------ Ownz Joo
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