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Kneecapping Barack Obama at every opportunity. | ||
After writing a brilliant piece of satire yesterday making fun of Europe's hysteria over the NMD, I received the following email today. Is it real? I have not as of yet been able to verify that Michael Mckenzie is really affiliated with England's House of Commons. However, real or not, since I am America's Ambassador of Whoop @ss, I am fully capable of handling this Englo-weenie just as I did China when they held our people hostage. Read Mr. Mckenizie's letter and my public reply below.....
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I am writing to you as a representative of the House Of Commons in the United Kingdom. After an article on your website 'Brass Knuckles' was brought our attention we have found it necessary to notify the United States government of its content and our complaint. I am writing to advise you that, although we appreciate the sentiment of freedom of speech running throughout your website, we request that the offending article in which, you claim to be quoting directly from a U.S Government Press Release, be removed with immediate effect and we will not push for further action by your government. As you are probably aware you are entitled to you opinion but impersonating a government representative is a Federal offence. Thank you for you cooperation in this matter.
Michael Mckenzie
Press Secretary
Media Relations
House Of Commons
London
United Kingdom
1NE SW1
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Dear Mr. Mckenzie
I have read your demand that I remove the article "US Government Press Release: Rumor Control on Europe" from my website. Let's look at a few different things you said in your email and my comments about them....
"We have found it necessary to notify the United States government of its content and our complaint" (Well you should hope that they pay as much attention to that as they do to your feelings about Kyoto, the NMD, the small arms treaty, the landmine treaty, etc, etc, etc, etc).
"We request that the offending article.....be removed with immediate effect and we will not push for further action by your government." (Well what punishment did you ask for so far? A year fluffing your powdered wigs? Giving the queen a sponge bath? Are you going to make me use a British dentist?)
"As you are probably aware you are entitled to you opinion..." (Yes I am aware that I'm entitled to my opinion. That's the beauty of America's First Amendment. It entitles us to free speech, to our opinions, and it gives us the right to tell little bureaucratic toadies from England to...how do the English say it...bugger off.)
Furthermore Mr. Mckenzie, you seem unaware of a bit of history called the Revolutionary war. You see, before the revolutionary war, the English were able to say "jump" and the Americans had to say "how high?" Unfortunately, a great tragedy befell the English. They lost to a bunch of ragtag, outmanned, underfunded, patriots and were then chased back to England with the French (snicker, snicker) nipping at their heels. After that tragic day happened, the English were able to say "jump" and the Americans got say "you can jump into the English channel as far as I'm concerned."
So in closing Mr. Mckenzie I'd like to say that I will have to decline your "request" to remove the "offending article." However, because of my great respect for Margaret Thatcher and Winston Churchill I will try to pepper all future pieces of satire on my page with expressions like "We are the knights who say NI". "Wink, wink, nudge, nudge," and "Smeg off" so that any lickspittles from the House of Commons will be aware that it's supposed to be funny.
Yours Truly
John Hawkins
The US Ambassador of Whoop @ss
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