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Kneecapping Barack Obama at every opportunity. | ||
Airport managers are crying foul over so-called ineffective stricter guidelines for the handling of airports, passengers, and baggage.
Why?
14) Federally sanctioned breast groping isn't all it's cracked up to be.
13) Running out of closet space for confiscated nail clippers and penknives, and the bids prices are rapidly falling on EBay due to saturated market.
12) Every time you fall asleep on the job, some lug wakes you up.
11) Here you are, a bigwig airport chief and you still have to fly coach, while your bosses in Washington fly chartered or military flights.
10) I think the blind newspaper kiosk guy really isn't blind. I think he's here to spy on us.
9) Still waiting on reliable explosives-detection systems. Sniffing all those shoes manually is a real drag.
8) Without guns in the cockpits, pilots forced to use rancid airline pillows to smother would-be attackers.
7) Flight instructors are way too picky about your doodles in the margins of textbooks these days... almost everything is interpreted as planes hitting buildings now.
6) OJ Simpson always running to catch flight... never available for autographs or to ask him if he did it.
5) Automated random checks of passengers keep accidentally picking non-Arabs.
4) You get sick of swiped airplane peanuts after your fifth dozen or so.
3) Can't plug portable television into socket for metal detector anymore.
2) National Guardsmen carried unloaded rifles, but sudden rise in pregnancy rates of flight attendants suggests their other "guns" were fully loaded and fired all-too-often.
1) Baggage handlers are mad over security officers stealing all the good stuff before the baggage gets back to their area... it's a violation of Union contract terms.
If you like this article, check out more of Laurence's work on File13's Amish Tech Support.
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