Editors Note: recently Archfiend and I had a conversation. we talked about a good many things, but one thing that popped up in the conversation that really seemed to stick for me is the mention of Archfiends co-worker Chris. you see, Chris isn't like normal people, Chris doesn't find everything I do absolutely golden, hilarious, and outrageously funny.In fact, he seems to hate everything I write. Well, Chris. this one's for you...

Ozrael: Hi Chris, how are you?

Chris: I'd be better if I weren't talking to you. I hate you.

Ozrael: So I've heard. So I take it you're not an eReel fan?

Chris: F*** no!

Ozrael: So what exactly don't you like?

Chris: Everything about you! Your articles, your interviews, your graphics, I even think your sentence structure is repulsive.

Ozrael: What about my hair?

Chris: I hate that too.

Ozrael: Do these pants make me look fat?

Chris: No... but I still hate you!

Ozrael: Okay, I was worried.

Chris: Could you get back to the interview?

Ozrael: Just a minute, I'm going out after this.

Chris: This is about me.

Ozrael: Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's just that I have a life.

Chris: So... ummm.... aren't you going to ask me some questions?

Ozrael: Okay, who is your favorite musician?

Chris: Celine Dion.

Ozrael: Celine Dion?

Chris: Celine Dion.

Ozrael: Celine f****** DION?!?

Chris: Yeah! You got a problem with that?

Ozrael: No... I will respect your beliefs no matter how raunchy and perverse they are.

Chris: Raunchy and perverse? Celine Dion is a beautiful singer, and everytime I hear her voice I fall in love.

Ozrael: I bet. So which of my articles do you hate most?

Chris: I'd have to say your "Getting Screwed At Pizza Hut", I mean come on, the CD's are free, they're supposed to suck...

Ozrael: Your mom...

Chris: What?

Ozrael: I said... uhh... Is that what you told John?

EDITORS NOTE: ARCHFIEND=JOHN

Chris: What the hell, YES! that's what I told John now quit inter-

Ozrael: Okay, so why do you read my material if you hate it so much?

Chris: You just interup-

Ozrael: I just what?

Chris: You di-

Ozrael: What?

Chris: Yo-

Ozrael: What?

Chris: STOP INTERUPTING ME!!!

Ozrael: Who's interrupting?

Chris: Damn it, I hate you!

Ozrael: I think I should probably get back to the interview, so what else do you hate about me?

Chris: Well, first of all you get off on these wierd a** tangents, you seem to write in stream of thought. It's sickening and it pisses me off big time.

Ozrael: Did you know that Tangalos are a hybrid of oranges and tangerines?

Chris: That's just what I'm talking about! Who the f*** cares?

Ozrael: Now who's going off on a tangent?

Chris: What the hell? You are!!!

Ozrael: Am I?

Chris: Yes!

Ozrael: So have you ever been convicted of a felony?

Chris: No.

Ozrael: Have you ever had sex with a... wait I can't say that on my site *writes it down on a piece of paper and slides it across the table*

Chris: You are one sick f*****

Ozrael: Is that a yes?

Chris: NO!!!

Ozrael: Is that a guilty concience?

Chris: Guilty over what? You're such an a**hole.

Ozrael: I'm not going to let you change the subject on me.

Chris: Just drop it.

Ozrael: So it's true then?

Chris: No, just move on...

Ozrael: Did it hurt? I mean, the... ya know... the shell?

Chris: No, I used some petroleu... hey... uhh... shutup!

Ozrael: I think I've heard enough *smiles*

Chris: Just shutup.

Ozrael: Okay okay, so what else do you so boldly dislike?

Chris: I absolutely detest how you fight or kill the people you're interviewing at the end, it's just stupid. It's stupid, just like you.

Ozrael: At the end of the interview?

Chris: Yeah at the end!

Ozrael: *throws Chris's coffee into his face shattering the mug on the bridge of his nose*

Chris: OWE! F****** s*** man, what the hell?

Ozrael: *Tips the table on top of Chris and stands atop it pinning Chris to the tiled interview room floor*

Referee: 1!

Ozrael: This is it Chris

Referee: 2!

Chris: I f****** hate your a**

Referee: 3!

Chris: Where'd this referee come from?

Referee: 4!

Ozrael: *jumps up and down*

Referee: 5!

Chris: Ouch, you b****

Referee: 6!

Ozrael: Do my articles still suck?

Referee: 7!

Chris: Yes, you no-talent hack, you aren't fit to type the nutritional information on a bag of brand X cereal.

Referee: 8!

Ozrael: Is that so? *rips leg off of table and pummChris over the head with it*

Referee: 10! The winnnnnnnnerrrrrrr iiiiiiiiiiiiissssssssssssss OzzzzzzzzzzzzRAAAAAAAEEEEELLLLLLLLL

Chris: Ouch, son of a... hey he didn't say 9!

Ozrael: Well, I never said we were perfect.*cracks chris over the head with table leg*

Whiskey Jack: Hey Oz I finished digging that hole you wanted.

Ozrael: Thanks Jack.

Whiskey Jack: No problem man.

Ozrael: *grabs Chris's arms*

Whiskey Jack: *grabs Chris's legs*

::30 minutes later::

Ozrael: Wow, that cement sure did dry fast.

Whiskey Jack: Yeah... it did. And the paint too...

Ozrael: Yeah that too.

Archfiends Place of Work: *is a little less negative*

The Electric Reel: *Now has a handicapped parking space*

EDITORS NOTE: NO HARD FEELINGS CHRIS, I KNOW NOT EVERY ONE IS GOING TO LIKE MY WORK. I HOPE YOU WILL CONTIINUE TO READ AND HATE MY ARTICLES AS MUCH AS YOU HAVE IN THE PAST. THE BEST TO YOU. SORRY IF YOU'RE OFFENDED, I ASSUME THAT IF YOU READ ARCH'S SITE THEN YOU MUST HAVE SOME TYPE OF A SMIDGEON OF A PARTICLE OF A FUNNY BONE SOMEWHERE OR OTHER IN YOUR BODY.