The poor are not the "less fortunate." They are instead, the "more irresponsible." They put themselves there, and they drag their children into that status with them. They are the "less prepared," the "less diligent," and the "less able." They weren't unlucky. They did it to themselves. -- Neal Boortz
President Bush Has Been Nominated For A Nobel Peace Prize
by John Hawkins
A record 157 nominations ranging from President Bush
to the Salvation Army have been made for this year's Nobel Peace
Prize after the awards committee added six names Thursday at its
first meeting of the year -- Salon, Feb. 21, 2002
President Bush's staff was delighted to learn that
he was nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize in recognition for his
fight against terrorism. However, they spent much of day responding
to critics who claimed George Bush didn't deserve a nomination
for the world's most prestigious peace prize while he was simultaneously
prosecuting a world wide war against terrorism.
White House press secretary Ari Fleischer disagreed
with the critics and said George Bush certainly had the necessary
credentials for the award.
Well it's not like Martin Luther King or Ghandi are running.
I mean Kofi Annan won it last year and what has he ever done for
anybody?"
Vice President Dick Cheney concurred with Ari Fleischer's
assessment.
Even that little weasel Arafat won a Nobel Peace Prize
so it's not like it's all that hard to win. I mean if not the
president, then who? Are you going to give it to the whole nation
of Switzerland or something?"
The debate raged across Capital Hill where Tom Daschle
chimed in on the debate with a unique perspective.
What about Enron? There's corruption going on
there, we've got 11 Congressional investigations happening right
now so that proves something's going on. While we certainly can't
prove George W. Bush was involved I'm going still going to use
his name and Enron in a sentence as many times as possible. See?
Or like this: George Bush is up for a Nobel Peace Prize and Enron
is a corrupt company, is that a coincidence?"
Donald Rumsfeld jumped into the debate after being
asked by a reporter if he thought George Bush deserved a Nobel
Peace Prize.
"Well of course he does. In fact, Saddam Hussein,
the mullahs in Iran, and that little kook who runs North Korea
are soon going to know the sweet peace that only death can bring
when we blow the Hell out of them."
President Bush himself welcomed the nomination in
a radio address to the nation today.
"I have been truly honored to be nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize. This is a great privilege for me because
many times in the past other great Americans who deserved this
award were overlooked. Great men like Dwight Eisenhower, George
Patton, Douglas Macarthur, Norman Schwarzkopf, Ronald Reagan,
and my dad. Every one of them understood an important principle,
a principle that has served America well over the course of her history. You
see, if you kill every person who wants to fight with you, then
by default you'll have peace. Or as another great peacemaker,
George Patton once said "We're not just going to shoot the
bastards, we're going to cut out their living guts and use them
to grease the treads of our tanks. We're going to murder those
lousy Hun bastards by the bushel." Because of George Patton's
commitment to "murder those lousy Hun bastards by the bushel"
he helped bring peace to Europe. I intend to live
up to George Patton's example. I promise America and the Nobel
Prize Committee that I will bring the same sort of peace to the
"Axis of Evil" that George Patton brought to Nazi Germany.
Good night and God bless."
