Washington, D.C. - Newly appointed Surgeon General, Dr. T. Farley Modenschneider, in conjunction with the CEOs of the major broadcast and cable tv networks, announced today a major media campaign to try to help stem the rapid increase in the number of school age children who are addicted to crack cocaine. The campaign, dubbed "Operation Reverse Psychology," will feature public service announcements made by the most loathsome stars of tv, film and the music industry as determined by an internet poll being conducted by the Tech TV cable channel.

"It's so simple I can't believe that no one ever thought of it before," said Dr. Modenschneider. "The basic idea is to get the worst entertainers imaginable--we're talking Scott Baio territory here--to publicly confess to being crack addicts. We figure it will scare the kids so much they'll toss their crack pipes into the nearest storm sewer and start chugging V-8 Juice."

The first PSA will feature singer Michael Bolton, a favorite of oversexed middle-aged women married to men with prostate problems. The commercial reportedly features Bolton singing "You Are So Beautiful" to Oprah Winfrey and then saying to the camera, "Hi, I'm cheesy singer and crack cocaine addict Michael Bolton. If you want to get it on with overweight menopausal women, keep smokin' that crack."

Preliminary tests have shown that a single viewing of the Bolton ad results in a 98% reduction in crack use among 1,100 randomly selected addicts with a recidivism rate of only 0.3%.

Other stars slated to make "Operation Reverse Psychology" PSAs are Kenny G, Jerry Lewis, Charo, Tom Jones, Wayne Newton, Siegfried and Roy, Barry Manilow, Kyle McLachlan, and Zamfir.

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