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ALF Mix-Up Ends In Feline Tragedy
by Clark Brandon
ALF mix-up ends in feline tragedy
Newly initiated animal rights activists from the controversial
Animal Liberation Front made a costly mistake when around 20 newly
freed laboratory kittens were dropped off at 167 Hemdale, in Los
Angeles, CA. The Tanner family were all either at school, shopping
or at work leaving their illegal alien and Melmacian born dependent,
Gordon Shumway to receive the three boxes full of kittens from
the confused activists.
Meow
Though instructed not to open the door by Willie, for fear
of being caught, the smell of food was too tempting for Mr. Shumway.
 “Someone
said that you were with ALF. Is that true?” one of the unidentified
people asked Mr. Schumway?
“With Alf? I am Alf! But my friends call me Gordon…Hah!”
He exclaimed at which point the activists nodded knowingly and
left speeding off in an old station wagon.
An elated Shumway apparently then moved the kittens quickly
into the kitchen of the Tanner home. After several unsuccessful
attempts to hypnotize several of the kittens, he then proceeded
to prepare and consume the kittens in an unspeakable manner.
A bloated and very full Alf was discovered by Brian Tanner
when he came home from baseball practice. Seeing the gory sight
Brian immediately assumed the family cat “Lucky” had
been eaten and he became despondent. A few moments later however
the cat appeared and meowed, causing a chorus of ooohhs and aaahhs
from the studio audience.
The incident is being investigated by the LAPD to determine
if the incident constitutes an act of animal abuse or cruelty.
It is believed that because cats are commonly grown commercially
and eaten as a delicacy on Schumway’s home planet of Melmac,
he may protected by the US constitution.
Gordon Shumway was born on October 28, 1756 by Flo and Bob
Shumway on the planet Melmac. He studied sport art and dentistry
on Melmac High School and played Bouilabaseball (Baseball with
fish) for three years. Later he worked for some years as an orbit
guard. Gordon's spaceship crashed into the garage of the
Tanner family on September 22, 1986.
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