ALF Mix-Up Ends In Feline Tragedy
ALF mix-up ends in feline tragedy
Newly initiated animal rights activists from the controversial Animal Liberation Front made a costly mistake when around 20 newly freed laboratory kittens were dropped off at 167 Hemdale, in Los Angeles, CA. The Tanner family were all either at school, shopping or at work leaving their illegal alien and Melmacian born dependent, Gordon Shumway to receive the three boxes full of kittens from the confused activists.
Though instructed not to open the door by Willie, for fear of being caught, the smell of food was too tempting for Mr. Shumway.
“Someone said that you were with ALF. Is that true?” one of the unidentified people asked Mr. Schumway?
“With Alf? I am Alf! But my friends call me Gordon…Hah!” He exclaimed at which point the activists nodded knowingly and left speeding off in an old station wagon.
An elated Shumway apparently then moved the kittens quickly into the kitchen of the Tanner home. After several unsuccessful attempts to hypnotize several of the kittens, he then proceeded to prepare and consume the kittens in an unspeakable manner.
A bloated and very full Alf was discovered by Brian Tanner when he came home from baseball practice. Seeing the gory sight Brian immediately assumed the family cat “Lucky” had been eaten and he became despondent. A few moments later however the cat appeared and meowed, causing a chorus of ooohhs and aaahhs from the studio audience.
The incident is being investigated by the LAPD to determine if the incident constitutes an act of animal abuse or cruelty. It is believed that because cats are commonly grown commercially and eaten as a delicacy on Schumway’s home planet of Melmac, he may protected by the US constitution.
Gordon Shumway was born on October 28, 1756 by Flo and Bob Shumway on the planet Melmac. He studied sport art and dentistry on Melmac High School and played Bouilabaseball (Baseball with fish) for three years. Later he worked for some years as an orbit guard. Gordon’s spaceship crashed into the garage of the Tanner family on September 22, 1986.
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Editor’s note: The following is a guest post by Ben Stein. Stein is a writer, actor, economist, and lawyer living