A Day In The Life Of A Puppy
12:37 AM:: Thought I heard something outside so I barked and barked and barked until my owner was awake to check it out!
1:19 AM:: A shadow moved across the window! It could be an attack! I howled and barked for 5 minutes straight until my master told me to “shut the Hell up!” See if I warn him again! I hope whatever is out there eats him! =(
2:58 AM:: Definitely heard something that time! Barked at top of my lungs until both of my owners woke up! I could tell they were awake because my master threw a shoe at me as a reward! I chewed on it for 30 minutes before I fell asleep. And I thought he was mad at me. I have a lot to learn!
4:11 AM:: Lots of rain and really loud noise outside with bright flashes of light! I cried and whimpered and jumped in the bed! Then there was another loud noise and I peed everywhere! I was afraid my master would rub my nose in it like he usually does but he was asleep so he didn’t notice! They’ll see it in the morning but by then they’ll never know which of the 3 of us did it! I’m in the clear =D
8:02 AM: : My owners are awake and they’re taking me outside! Hooray! Hooray! Hooray! Hooray! I jumped around everywhere to celebrate! I came that close to wee-weeing right there on the floor because I was so excited. But I didn’t because I’m a good boy!!!
10:06 AM:: Ugh! The little one is up! I hate him! He pulls my tail and tries to poke me in the eye! But I got him back! I licked my @ss and then licked him in the mouth! Hey, that was kind of cool!
11:42 AM:: My mistress bent down to pick me up and I licked her in the mouth! I thought she would taste like chicken…but she doesn’t =(
12:59 PM:: They gave me food! They gave me food! They gave me food! They gave me food! Hooray! Hooray! Hooray! Jumped around to celebrate!
2:13 PM:: Everybody left =( Maybe they’re never coming back =( sniff, sniff, sniff
3:09 PM: : I was so depressed that I pooped in the floor hoping someone would appear to rub my nose in it…but no one did =(
3:36 PM:: I thought I heard them coming! Barked for 15 straight minutes! But it wasn’t them =( =(
4:02 PM:: Ooooooh that’s them for sure! It is, it is, it is! Barked for 15 straight minutes! But it wasn’t them =( =( =(
5:15 PM:: They’re back!! Hooray! Hooray!! This is the best day of my entire life!! They’re back!! They’re back!! Jumped and barked for joy!! Hooray =D
5:24 PM:: They’re taking me outside! I didn’t think it could get better…but it did!!
5:28 PM:: I pooped in the yard and my mistress said I was a good dog!!! I’m the best dog…ever!!!!
6:41 PM: : The little one left his rattle on the floor! I licked it and it made a funny noise so I licked it again! Then he came over and took it away from me and put it in his mouth! He’s such a copycat!
7:45 PM:: I hate getting poked in the eye! Now I understand why all those pit bulls attack these little human kids! And I always thought it was because they were stuffed with Alpo or something!
9:01 PM:: Ran out of water in my bowl but found another source! Bad thing: The other source had poop floating in it! Good Thing: The poop tasted better than mine usually does!
9:33 PM:: Realized I hadn’t chased my tail once today! I wondered where the day went as I chewed on the curtains.
10:19 PM:: I get to go outside…AGAIN!! I can’t believe it! Jumped around and barked because I was so happy!!!!
10:25 PM:: It was raining outside! I got all wet and muddy! So I jumped on the couch and shook myself dry! My master called me a bad boy =( =( =(
11:02 PM:: I tried to make it up to my master by licking him on the eye! He told me to “stop that” so I tried to lick him on the mouth instead. He said “Ugggh” then. What does it mean??? What does it mean??
11:48 PM:: They’re going to bed! They’re going to bed! They’re going to bed! I love to sleep! It’s better than pooping and licking myself in front of company put together!
This is just priceless (via Memeorandum): Caption: A small rodent runs in front of President Barack Obama as he delivers
(Hat tip to Seth McFarlane because I stole this concept from him.) 10) You know who really gets me all
I have now realized after reading Mary Allen’s “Free Boobies” article that many women are puzzled as to what men