Written By : Warner Todd Huston
January 3, 2011

Outgoing Republican Representative from South Carolina Bob Inglis is not going off into forced retirement quietly. No, Ol’ Bobby wants us all to know that the nation has failed him. He and his soft-spinned, middle of the road, week-kneed sort of Republican has been roughly handled by real conservatives and its just not fair, apparently.

You see, quite despite what the voters all across the country said last November — not to mention his own constituents — we were all just too stupid to understand that his sort of “credible conservative” is what’s really needed today and he insists that he’s the man that can bring real Republican ideas to Washington. Too bad the voters in his district disagreed with Mr. Hard loser.

Voters that want real conservatives in office have created what Mr. Inglis is calling an “unfortunate period.” It’s something we have to “get through,” you see? We need to get rid of these darned old conservatives and get his sort of middle-of-the-roaders back in office.

What is wrong with you moron voters, anyway?

So what the heck is going on? Well, it’s all because you stupid conservatives are too filled with hate for that nice Obama feller, says Inglis. And he’s for all sorts of other “credible conservative” ideas.

For instance he likes…

Green jobs
Ruinous Carbon Taxing
Giant Federal Bailouts
The banning of the lightbulb
That Unconstitutional McCain Feingold
He was for giving more tax money to the UN
Oh, and he loves voting to censure Joe Wilson, too.

So what was he against in his last years in office?

Well, he was against the surge in Iraq
Against drilling for our own oil
For loading PBS and NPR with tax dollars
For raising the minimum wage
And FOR giving money to ACORN for more public housing boondoggles

Yeah. He’s more like a Democrat than any “credible conservative.” Any more “conservatives” like him and we’d have a Congress filled completely with Democrats.

If only you conservatives could see the light, eh? If only you could vote those linguine-spinned sort like him to Congress. See, we NEED Republicans that agree with liberals in Washington. Right?

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