Boob Theory


“Ve are liffing in Amerika – Coca Cola – Voonderbra”

Last years “Boob Quake” – psychically predicted by the highest levels of gay free Persia’s Preacher Command – Hojatoleslam Kazim Sadeghi (Ho what?!) claimed hoochies, hotties and hoes “don’t dress appropriately” and spread the hot sticky lust “when promiscuity spreads, earthquakes increase.”

Oh snap! Say it ain’t so!

Only, it WAS so!

“The pro-scantily-clad lobby of womanity declared today Boobquake, a day to flout and disprove the cleric by baring your boobs.

“And then a 6.9-magnitude earthquake occurred in Taiwan!”

Sweet! Let’s start worshipping the power of immodesty, immediately and without, uh, restraint.

“From the Dawn of Time, boobs have been shaping history – destroying careers, crippling world powers. Many men have been nearly destroyed by these orbs of power” (Don’t open that link at work! Shout out to Starbuck)

A commonly accepted hypothesis is that the bigger the boobs – the dumber the girl is. Actually this is quite incorrect (as best determined boobs have an effective range not unlike the M203 grenade launcher).

The bigger the boobs – the dumber the guys are.

Pic by Tugpicturesdotcom

Courtney Messerschmidt

Courtney Messerschmidt

A junior studying journalism, military history and political science, Courtney was named one of 2010's "20 Hottest Women in New Media." She also created the infamous diplomatic, military and intelligence analysis site Great Satan's Girlfriend. Her expertise includes interventions, COIN, strategic uses of American power, global democracy promotion, authoritarian marginalization, gender apartheid, international relations theory and terrorism.


Tags assigned to this article:
Boob QuakeBoob TheoryBoobsTaylor Momsen

Related Articles

15

EMT suspended for breaking rules to get suffering boy to hospital resigns

An emergency medical technician in upstate New York took emergency action to save a young boy’s life — and ended

17

Why Should Augusta National Golf Club Have to Add Women Members?

Since when did Augusta National Golf Club’s perfectly legal membership policies become the business of every interest group and politician

10

Victory? Feh. Who Needs That?

Well, at least he’s being one hundred percent honest about things for a change. Reid: Thank you Mr. President, you