Professor Umbridge Loves Common Core


by Claire Chretien

I’ll tell you what it means. It means the Ministry’s interfering at Hogwarts.“: : –Hermione Granger
Vladimir Lenin said, “Give me four years to teach the children and the seed I have sown will never be uprooted.”

Armed with this comforting quote from everyone’s favorite dictator, let’s talk about Common Core, a set of centralized education standards that numerous states are fighting after its creepy imposition.

Just as the Ministry of Magic in: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix: infiltrated Hogwarts to gain more control over the curriculum, interfere in students’ private lives, and lower standards, Common Core will hijack school curricula, remove local autonomy from schools, and dramatically lower standards.


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Common Core, which roots the federal government further into our education system, is a dream come true for Professor Umbridge, the big-government-loving, squealing Ministry tyrant in HP5. Common Core is the Muggle version of Umbridge’s impractical, “wands away” curriculum. Common Core dumbs down school education standards; sixth grade students, for example, will still be learning multiplication, while their peers abroad will be investigating far more complex concepts. Common Core’s low standards will render students less academically prepared, just as Umbridge’s lessons were so useless students had to form Dumbledore’s Army to teach themselves Defense Against the Dark Arts.

Parents in the: Harry Potter: series sent their children to Hogwarts so that they could receive the best possible magical education, but their children got far from an appropriate Defense Against the Dark Arts education during Umbridge’s reign. Parents sending their kids to schools that have adopted Common Core can expect worse standards and sinister surprises, like: politicized, anti-Constitution English lessons: and: sex ed for kindergarteners.

Common Core helps the government spy on students and provide their personal data to various public agencies.:  What more could Umbridge, whose presence at Hogwarts was a means for the Ministry to spy on faculty and students, want?

When I first heard about Common Core, I thought,: Gee, what a train wreck.:  I’ll just have to home school my kids to spare them from hack bureaucrats and all those riveting lessons about the: evolution of the grocery bag. Well, I’m out of luck. Some homeschooled children are being: forced to take state Common Core tests. The Home School Legal Defense Foundation has also expressed concerns that Common Core will become aligned with tests like the SAT and ACT, thus essentially forcing Common Core on homeschoolers who want to have a decent shot at attending college.

So, what can we do about Common Core? Do what Harry Potter and his friends did when they came face-to-face with big government sticking its paws into their school: fight back.:  Join grassroots efforts to stop Common Core. Join with your community to keep your city or state’s schools as locally run as possible. American children deserve better than a “one size fits all” national education.


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