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Posts By Author » Doug Giles

New Rule: All Teachers Should Be Required to Carry Guns
  17 Dec 2012     12:38 am

My heart is sick. I feel so sorry for the children who were murdered, as well as the parents and loved ones of the slain kids and teachers at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, Connecticut. All of us here in the U.S.—who still have a soul—pray for those whose lives were just senselessly shattered.
But imagine if at least one teacher (with a concealed weapons permit) had their .40-caliber Glock with them, locked and loaded, when this weed Adam Lanza began his murderous mayhem Friday on the Sandy Hook Elementary …

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Gun Owners: Should We Listen to Bob Costas or Jesus Christ?
  10 Dec 2012     12:51 am

As most of you know, during a football game last week Bob Costas lectured us po’ goofy Americans about the evils of a “gun culture” and how we need to evolve away from being obsessed with firearms. As soon as I heard that drivel roll off Mr. C’s tongue I ordered another 30/06, a sweet Walther PPK and a custom .416 Rigby turnbolt. Cowabunga, Bob. Thanks for reminding me to buy more guns.
First off, let me help you, Robert: Guns do not kill people. Dads with daughters do. Oh, and BTW, Planned Parenthood …

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The Real Root of Atheists’ Anti-Christmas Rage
  3 Dec 2012     12:01 am

Why do some atheists embarrass themselves year after year trying to eradicate Christmas from American culture? Why do they make themselves societal hemorrhoids during this hallowed season? Is it because they are crusaders for equality, secularism’s saviors and humanism’s heroes? I’m sure that’s what they tell themselves when they’re pouting on their couches all alone on Christmas Eve after every single one of their friends has dumped them for being a rabid jackass.
I believe, however—and I could be wrong—that the reason some rage against the machine is that they hate …

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Psalm 666: The State Is My Shepherd, I Shall Not Want
  26 Nov 2012     12:04 am

A Psalm of Obama
(To be sung by children, K-12, every morning of their seven-day school week.)*
 
The State is my shepherd,
I shall not want.
It makes me lie down in federally owned pastures.
It leads me beside quiet waters in banned fishing areas.
It restores my soul through its control.
It guides me in the path of dependency for its namesake.
Even though our nation plunges into the valley of the shadow of debt,
I will fear no evil,
For Barack will be with me.
The Affordable Care Act and food stamps,
They comfort me.
You prepare a table of Michelle …

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If God Doesn’t Judge Us, He’ll Have to Apologize to Sodom
  19 Nov 2012     12:02 am

I have to admit that when Obama “won” re-election I became more depressed than Madonna’s audience was when they were forced to watch her strip the other night. For God’s sake, Madonna, put some material on that mess, material girl. I guess she’s going to follow Cher’s path and torture us with her exhibitionism ‘til she takes the big dirt nap. Like a virgin? Yeah … right. More like a sturgeon. Hang it up, Madge … you’re scaring the children. Anyway, back to my post-election depression.
As I was saying, giddy …

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Dear Republican Congress, Give Obama and His Boys Everything They Want
  12 Nov 2012     12:02 am

A cigar aficionado and amigo of mine named Irwin penned a note to the Republican Congress the night after Obama got elected for four more years of this slop, and I thought I’d pass it on to you. Check it out …
Dear Republican Congress,
As a conservative Republican I am begging you to give president Obama and those who voted for him everything they want.
They want higher taxes on the rich and companies. Give it to them.
They want higher capital gains taxes that will hurt their investments. Give it to them.
They …

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I Hope This Is The Last Column I Ever Have To Write About Bronco Bamma
  5 Nov 2012     12:47 am

This past week a YouTube video of a crying four-year-old little girl named Abigail went viral. In the video Abby’s mom asks her why she’s so sad. Abigail replies through a steady stream of tears and mucus that she’s “tired of Bronco Bamma and Mitt Romney.” Well, little sister, I feel your pain. Now, mind you, I’m not tired of Romney and Ryan, but good Lord … and believe me when I tell you … I’m pig sick of Bronco Bamma.
Yep, I’m beyond ready for this ignoble thing called the Obama presidency …

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Obama Calls Mitt Romney a BSer? Now That’s Funny!
  29 Oct 2012     12:04 am

You know what’s funny? In a recent Rolling Stone interview, Obama called Mitt Romney a “bullsh*tter” … that’s what’s funny.
Now, it’s not funny in a ha-ha sense but funny in a you-gotta-be-kidding-me sense of the word. Obama accusing Romney of bunkum? Talk about the putz calling the kettle black.
Obama’s entire life and rise to power have been nothing more than a Texas-sized stockyard of ripe and foul compost. This man makes Machiavelli look lame. Hussein trades so heavily in BS that the Oxford Dictionary has now included his last name as a …

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Benghazi: Obama and His Ilk Hung Chris Stevens and Others Out to Dry
  22 Oct 2012     3:34 am

This past Friday the State Department released internal docs showing that Chris Stevens, U.S. Ambassador to hell’s corridor in Libya, begged Obama’s boys in D.C. to ramp up security in Benghazi. And, as we all know now, he got nothing from the State Department but was allowed to be tortured and murdered by “democracy seekers” from the “Religion of Peace” in the “liberated” nation of Libya.
As far as I am concerned, blood is dripping from Obama’s golf-gloved campaign hands. Whatever do I mean, you ask? Well, according to James Rosen’s …

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Mamas, Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Biden
  15 Oct 2012     12:02 am

“When a wise man has a controversy with a foolish man, the foolish man either rages or laughs, and there is no rest.” —Proverbs 29:9
I was going to title this column, “How Not to Be a Smarmy, Bellicose, Horse-Toothed Dork Like Biden.” However, upon deeper contemplation I thought I’d direct it toward parents as an attempt to save the next generation from the insufferable effects of the boorish Biden bug.
To call Biden an ass-clown after last Thursday’s debate with Rep. Paul Ryan is to insult bottoms, donkeys and Bozos far …

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This Was Going to Be an Awesome Column about the Debate (But the Altitude Kicked My Butt)
  8 Oct 2012     12:02 am

Last week I sent Mitt a note encouraging him not to morph into a McCain-like wuss during the debate. I think he got my email because he Buford Pussered Obama. It was embarrassing. The president looked defeated–head down, busted.
The greatest joy I had the night of the debate didn’t come from watching the erudite Mormon verbally skin the evasive Marxist for 90 minutes. No, it came after the debate as I watched the talking heads over on MSLSD melt down like the bad witch on the Wizard of Oz.
Good Lord, …

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Dear Mitt: Please Don’t Morph into a Wuss During the Debates. Regards, Doug Giles
  1 Oct 2012     2:22 am

I’ve got to admit … I’m a wee bit concerned about the upcoming presidential debates. My fear is that Mitt, for whatever reason, will take the McCain fetal position before Obama and not come out swinging for the fence.
Mitt ought to do this Wednesday what Babe Ruth did in ‘32 and point to Chicago like the Bambino pointed to centerfield bleachers and then verbally hammer Obama out of the park and back to Illinois.
In addition to Mitt being the aggressor versus a genteel back-pedaler, I’d like to see some former …

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The Insane Stream Media Hates Gracious Christianity and Loves Violent Islam
  24 Sep 2012     4:16 am

Man, don’t cha love how the Insane Stream Media and their soft-brain disciples make Christians out to be fish-stickered, bug-eyed equals to incensed Islam? If you were to accept what the White House, some atheists and prattling gay activists say about Christians as true, you’d think the Church is chomping at the bit to chop off some heads of unbelievers, glory to Gawd!
Yep, if you were to believe the barf belched out by the BS brokers on the ludicrous Left, you’d stagger away stupid with the belief that there is …

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Satan Finally Found His Political Party—The Democrats!
  10 Sep 2012     12:01 am

Well, the DNC just wrapped, folks, and it looks like the Prince of Darkness has finally found his political party: the God-booing Democrats!
Booing God? Who the heck boos God? I’ll tell you who: Satan, his principalities and powers, devil worshippers and DNC delegates, that’s who.
Look, I get Democrats raising hell over a picture of George W. Bush, or Debbie Wasserman Schultz’s hairdo, or a video of Rosie speed drinking gallon jugs of chocolate milk … but God? Really?
Hey, media: You can say what you will about Republicans and their foibles, …

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Obama Disses America’s Pope, Cardinal Timothy Dolan
  27 Aug 2012     12:19 am

If Obama were wise he would really ramp up his misinformation machine. He should start giving away free weed, beer, hookers, tanks of gas, kazoos, Vaseline, stretch pants, whirly hats, Flowbees and ShamWows to anyone who promises to vote for him because he just ticked off stacks of Catholics even further by dissing Cardinal Dolan for the DNC.
Say “buh-bye” to a big ol’ voting block, Mr. Anti-Catholic-In-Chief.
Just like I can’t imagine any evangelical who can read and who remotely takes their faith seriously ever voting for BHO, I can’t imagine a sober …

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Conservative Offers $20,000 to Anyone Who Can Produce Obama’s College Transcripts
  20 Aug 2012     12:02 am

If you want to score twenty G’s this summer and garner at least thirty minutes of crazy fame then get busy rooting out Obama’s college transcripts.
This past Friday provocateur Brooks Bayne who runs TheTrenches.us asked me if I’d help get the word out about his offer of 20k to anyone who could produce what the White House does not want us to lay our eyes on, namely: BHO’s college docs.
I told Brooks, “Let me pray about it and I’ll get back with you.” Being a man of my word I knelt and …

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Progs – “Mitt Romney Is the Worst Human Ever, Ever, Ever”
  13 Aug 2012     12:02 am

Wow, I thought George W. Bush was the worst man ever to walk the earth. Now, according to the Leftists, it’s Mitt Romney? Geez, what are all the mannish looking lesbians going to do with all that anti-Bush schwag? Maybe they can recycle it into a tricycle and ride that three-wheeler down to Uglytown and offset the mega carbon footprint their BS on Mitt has transmitted to mother earth. Make sure your Dockers don’t get caught in the spokes, ladies!
This week, in a further attempt to hide Obama’s disastrous presidency …

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Rowdy Cluckers: The Chick-fil-A Rebellion
  6 Aug 2012     12:02 am

Well, the anti-Chick-fil-A thing sort of backfired, now didn’t it? Yep, the rabid gay crowd thought they were going to shut CFA down, but instead their fascist demands that Chick-fil-A’s Presidente Dan Cathy repent of his free speech actually catapulted the fast food chain into record profits. Cha-ching!
I have one word for that homo faux pas of trying to stifle a private company’s free speech, it’s: Ahahaha. Boy, you guys really read the pulse of the American people … Not.
Now, I will give the onerous gay activists this: Aside from …

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O’Reilly Is O’Really in Left Field on the Guns and Ammo Issue
  30 Jul 2012     12:02 am

“This year will go down in history. For the first time a civilized nation has full gun registration. Our streets will be safer, our police more efficient and the world will follow our lead into the future.” —Adolf Hitler, 1935
When I shout at the TV it’s usually because of one of these three reasons:
1. Noticing that Bob Beckel has just dyed his hair a shade of ginger that Carrot Top would eschew. What shade is that, man? Clairol’s “Rusted Barn Pipe” especially blended for the sassy progressive?
2. Seeing Roseanne Barr …

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The Dark Knight Movie Massacre & Why I Carry a Gun Everywhere I Go
  23 Jul 2012     12:02 am

I would venture to guess that the folks filing in to see the latest Batman installment in Aurora, Colorado last Thursday evening didn’t figure on over 70 of them getting shot before the credits rolled. The last count I received before filing this column was 12 dead and 59 wounded.
As the news starting pouring in about what happened in the theater this week when Satan’s spawn James Holmes donned Kevlar and a small battery of weapons and opened fire on an unsuspecting crowd, I kept thinking, “One fast-thinking and trained …

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