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«August 15, 2004 - August 21, 2004 | | August 29, 2004 - September 04, 2004»
August 27, 2004
Child Pimps & Hos On Halloween

What kind of execrable piece of trash would buy a Halloween costume like this for their kid? And before you start to wonder, no, this isn't satire....

This is great isn't it? You can dress your sons and daughters up like pimps and hos and then send them out on the streets for tricks and treats. And if you go to the "Child Ho" section, you'll see this....

"Due to overwhelming demand, our child ho costume is currently sold out. However, we are currently accepting preorders. All preorders will arrive in time for Halloween 2004."

Look, I don't want to say that anyone who dresses their child as a ho or pimp for Halloween is a bad parent...oh wait, that's EXACTLY what I wanted to say.

Hat tip to The Corner for finding this.

John Hawkins | 11:58 PM | Comments (0)

9/11 Toys For Your Tots?

What sort of sickos would design a toy like this?

"...Until Thursday afternoon, the little toys were on sale to kids around Central Florida -- two towers with a jetliner in between that appears to be crashing into one of the buildings. They come in packages along with candy.

...there is no mistake what the toy represents, especially when you look at the product number on every single toy: 9011.

...A company called Lisy Corporation distributes the candy bags. They said they are also offended by the toy and have pulled 17,000 of the toys.

Lisy says they bought the toys, sight unseen, from L and M Import/Export of Miami. We talked to L and M and they say they have no problem at all with the toy and don't consider it offensive at all.

We even pointed out to the import company that every single toy has a stock number on the front that reads "9011." L and M Imports didn't find it all coincidental and said it's just a toy. Asked if they'd talk on camera, they said there is nothing to talk about."

Just what sort of twisted excuse for a human being would even come up with something like this? I mean who sits around going,

"You know what would be a great event to recreate with a children's toy? That's right, 9/11! We'll have a plane flying into a building, slap 9011 on it, and then sell it. It'll be cutting edge man! Just imagine how many of toy things we'll sell in France & the Palestinian territories alone!"

Sometimes, you just have to wonder how the sort of people who came up with and sold this toy can look at themselves in the mirror every day...

John Hawkins | 11:57 PM | Comments (0)

Election 2004 Analysis: The Kerry Campaign Is In Big Trouble

This should be John Kerry's time to shine.

He has surprisingly almost achieved parity with George Bush in hard money raised and the 527 groups supporting Kerry have outspent the Bush supporting groups 15 to 1.

On top of that, Kerry has already had his "VP bounce" & his "Post convention bounce" -- such as they were -- while the Republican convention isn't until September.

So how much is John Kerry ahead of Bush right now? None, he's actually behind.

Just take a look at these numbers from Real Clear Politics, where they combine the national polls done each week and average them out to get their results....

In a Head-to-Head race it's...

Bush (47.3) Vs. Kerry (46.0)

In a 3-Way Race it's...

Bush (46.3) Vs. Kerry (44.8) Vs. Nader (3.3)

Now let's take a look at the most important data, the battleground state polls. We start out with the red/blue 2000 electoral vote totals -- Bush gets 271 & Gore had 267. Then we make the adjustments for the census data -- states Bush carried in 2000 added 7 more electoral votes and those carried by Kerry lost 7. So we're at 278 - 260. Then if we project the victors in each based on the latest numbers (although some of them are within the margin of error)....

Kerry adds...

New Hampshire (+4)
Nevada (+5)

Bush adds...

Pennsylvania (+21)
Wisconsin (+10)

Advantage Bush!

Setting aside my partisan leanings for a moment and looking at this strictly as a political analyst, I think Kerry is in deep trouble.

Not only is Bush going to get some kind of bounce from the convention, but it's looking more and more likely that the Swift Boat Vets for Truth are going to continue to damage Kerry all the way until November 2nd.

And while the SBVFT would be a political nightmare for any candidate, they're particularly harmful for Kerry. Here's a guy who built his whole campaign around his time in Vietnam and now he has all these vets who knew him in Vietnam calling him a liar and saying he's "Unfit for Command". The Swifties are a real anchor around Kerry's neck and unfortunately, he's NOT going be able to get rid of them.

I say that because at this point, even if Kerry were to give up the whole "smear and stonewall" strategy, chose to release his military records, & gave some plausible explanations for the stories where it looks to be almost a certainty that he lied (like Cambodia and his first & third Purple Hearts), he would still spend the rest of the campaign being hammered by Vets & POWS talking about how angry they are at him for smearing them in his anti-war days.

So, I see Kerry as behind, losing momentum, and unlikely to catch up unless some sort of unforeseen event like a terrorist attack, extremely damaging new scandal, or new foreign policy disaster somehow swings the momentum back in his favor. Barring one of those possibilities, I think the race looks much closer than it actually is at this point and that it's unlikely that Kerry is going to be able to pull it out.

John Hawkins | 11:14 PM | Comments (0)

Bush Campaign Shift: Now, It's a One-Man Race By Scott Ott

President George Bush today announced a major strategy shift in his re-election campaign brought on by what he described as "the failure of my nominal opponent to present a single reason voters should support him."

The Bush-Cheney campaign will now simply ignore John Forbes Kerry, the Democrat candidate and Vietnam veteran who is also a U.S. Senator.

"It's hard to mount an entire campaign against an opponent who has no record, no bedrock values, no consistent positions, no new ideas and only wants to talk about something he hasn't done for 35 years," said Mr. Bush. "So far, the fight has been between me and anti-me...Bush against hate-Bush. From now on, we're looking at a one-man race for the presidency."

Campaign insiders said TV and radio ads will no longer mention the Democrat candidate, but will simply focus on the president's record and his vision for the future.

"I can't change people whose hearts overflow with hatred," said the president. "So I'll just focus on rallying those whose minds are still open. We're going to target what you call your sentient beings."

If you enjoyed this satire by Scott Ott, you can read more of his work at Scrappleface.

John Hawkins | 12:53 AM | Comments (0)

August 26, 2004
Good Fences Make Good Neighbors

If anybody knows who originally put this graphic together, shoot me an email so I can give them credit.

John Hawkins | 11:59 PM | Comments (0)

The US Is The Adult In The Planetary Kindergarten

I don't agree with everything David Warren says in his latest column, but this quote was such a thing of beauty that I just had to post it....

"The U.S. simply IS the world's uncontested superpower -- the adult in the planetary kindergarten -- and with that comes an outlook no one else can fully share."

Spot-on!

John Hawkins | 11:59 PM | Comments (0)

First It Was Guns, Now It's Knives, What's Next?

Gun control advocates always sneer when believers in the 2nd Amendment say, "Guns don't kill people, people kill people". However in Britain, where guns are outlawed, people are still being murdered and the blame is just being switched from one weapon to another.....

"The mother of schoolboy Luke Walmsley says the offenders should face the same sentences as those found with guns.

Jayne Walmsley's son Luke was stabbed to death at the Birkbeck School in North Somercotes by a fellow student

She has started a campaign with Jackie Hadfield, whose 13-year-old daughter Sandy was stabbed in Lincoln.

Timothy Cuffy, 35, of Lincoln, who lured Sandy to a park and cut her throat with a Gurkha knife, was jailed for life in June 2003.

Luke, 14, was stabbed through the heart during a break in lessons last November by Alan Pennell, 16, of Grainthorpe.

He was described as "an evil bully" by Mrs Walmsley after the verdict. Knives are instruments that can kill with a single stab, the same as a gun can with a bullet

The mothers' campaign is being backed by a national organisation - the Victims of Crime Trust.

Trust director Norman Brennan said: "Each year more people are murdered by knives than guns."

...Home Secretary David Blunkett announced last month that he was examining whether carrying a knife should carry equivalent penalties to firearms offences.

Under current law possessing a firearm carries a mandatory five-year prison sentence, but offenders could be jailed for up to 10 years.

Anyone caught carrying a knife without good reason faces a maximum sentence of four years.

If the blade is less than three inches long the punishment could be as little as a £50 fine or a caution."

So, let's say they totally ban knives. Know what'll happen next? Of course you do, then people will start getting killed with bats or clubs, chainsaws, forks, spears, swords, hit'n'run attacks, etc, etc, etc, because there are an infinite number of ways to injure and kill people and when one is taken away, human beings just move on to the next one.

That's how it was, how it is, and how it always will be. The weapons may change, but that doesn't matter because people who intend to harm their fellow human beings are the problem, not the weapons themselves.

Hat tip to Ravenwood's Universe for finding this story.

John Hawkins | 11:26 PM | Comments (0)

President’s Criticism of Kerry-Bashing Ads “Not Enough”; Dems Demand Corrective Ads Dramatizing "the Real Story By Jake Loscutoff

President Bush today publicly criticized a series of ads produced by outside groups attacking John Kerry’s Vietnam War record. Referring to ads produced by the Swift Boat Veterans for Truth, the President said, “Heh heh, boys will be boys, won’t they? Well, all I can say is that I wouldn’t have done it if I were them.” The statement seemed to represent a shift away from the position reflected in the President’s previous public statement about the ads, in which he said, “I think the absence from the ads of my folksy voice saying ‘Ahm George Bush, and ah ahpprove this message’ should send an unmistakable, hard-hitting message that we didn't have anything to do with ‘em.”

Democratic party officials expressed dissatisfaction with the President’s criticism of the ads. “Even pulling the ads off the air won’t undo the damage that’s been done,” said Democratic Party Chairman Terry McAuliffe. He demanded instead that the Republicans finance a TV spot reenacting the swift boat incident in its entirety “to show the true facts.” In the script for the ad, John Kerry is depicted as diving into the bullet-pocked Bay Hap River with the swiftness of a Michael Phelps answering the starting gun, grabbing four men at a time in his mighty sinewed arms, then valiantly shielding them with his chin while backstroking them to safety. McAuliffe also said that, “if he’s serious about setting the record straight,” George Bush would agree to portray one of the Vietcong attackers, who curses at and ultimately recoils from the superior valor of “this God-man who cannot be killed!” Finally, McAuliffe demanded that Vice-President Dick Cheney portray “the evil Dr. Wu-Tang, the diabolical puppet-master who destroys civilizations just to rebuild them for a profit.” McAuliffe admitted that this latter touch involved a bit of creative license, “but you know how it is when you’ve got all these Hollywood types who ‘just want to help.’”

A Republican Party spokesman rejected the Democrats’ demand out of hand, despite reports that Vice-President Cheney found the role of Dr. Wu-Tang “intriguing.”

If you enjoyed this satire by Jake Loscutoff, you can read more of his work at Broken Newz.

John Hawkins | 03:55 PM | Comments (0)

What Can Political Junkies Learn From Professional Wrestling?

I'm not as big of a wrestling fan as I used to be (at one point I actually wrote a regular column and I did interviews with several pro-wrestlers, nobody all that big though), but I still watch the WWE semi-regularly.

Well yesterday, the fellas over at Fraters Libertas were getting a LITTLE worried about a Republican bad guy, John Bradshaw Layfield, because...

"Professional wrestling is an excellent barometer of the mood of the middle and lower socio-economic strata. And I've never heard of a wrestling crowd turning on a true blue, flag-waving son of the South. Could this be evidence of a growing anti-Bush backlash among the blue collar heartland?"

However, they correctly concluded that the core thing that makes "JBL" used to generate heat (make the crowd hate him), was playing on class envy, not being a Republican.

Which leads me to what I wanted to talk about -- what can politicians learn from wrestling? I know this sounds like an odd topic, but I agree that "professional wrestling is an excellent barometer of the mood of the middle and lower socio-economic strata" and if you screen out the apolitical characters, there are some interesting lessons about politics that can be learned by what the crowd likes and hates.

For example...

Wrestling fans hate rich, pampered, personas who brag about how much money they make & think that they're better than anyone else. John Bradshaw Layfield is a good example. So Mr. McMahon, Ted DiBase, and some other characters that weren't as popular like "The Mean Street Posse" & Tiger Ali Singh also fall into that category. One of the things they do to help establish "Heels" (bad guys) is have them establish limos. John Bradshaw Layfield for example has this huge, ostentatious limo with steer horns on the front of it. It's sort of his way of saying, "I'm richer than you and I think I'm better than you because of it".

Application: Think of George Bush Sr. being painted as a rich, out-of-touch, guy who didn't even know how a super market scanner worked (not a true story, but it still hurt him). Also, I'm convinced that a big part of the reason that George W. Bush is considered more likable than Kerry (of course, both of them are filthy rich) is that Bush not only lives and vacations in little Crawford, Texas, he actually does things like cut brush. You don't picture a pampered rich guy cutting brush. On the other hand, Kerry has all those estates, the expensive mountain bike, and he goes on these exotic vacations where he's snowboarding and wind surfing. It makes people like him less.

---

Here's one that some conservatives won't like as much: wrestling fans hate being preached at. There was this group of pretty average wrestlers who had a decent run on the undercard while calling themselves "Right To Censor". Their gimmick was that they dressed up in white shirts and ties and went around complaining about violence and nudity. For example, if one of the women got down to her bra & panties, they'd run out and cover her up which would drive the crowd insane. Interestingly enough, that group was based on Brent Bozell's Parents Television Council which endlessly complained about professional wrestling.

Application: I'm not trying to say that you shouldn't tackle moral questions or issues, but if people feel as if you're trying to force your moral standards down their throat...let's just say they're not going to appreciate it.

---

On the other hand, wrestling fans, particularly American fans tend to be very nationalistic. You will never go wrong talking up America or waving a flag around. Furthermore, the WWE made a big show of supporting the soldiers in Iraq.

On the other hand, there's no easier way to gin up "Heat" than to trash the US as villains like the Iron Sheik, "The Russian Bear" Ivan Kolov, and the latest annoying foreigners, La Résistance (they're French, but shocker there, I know) have proven.

Application: If you can point out to people how people like Ted Rall, Michael Moore, & Noam Chomsky trash America, you will permanently turn people off to their ideas.
---

See? Wrestling isn't just about hot women having lingerie matches, guys hitting each other with chairs, and 6 and half foot tall goons pretending to beat each other unconscious; it's about POLITICS too =D

John Hawkins | 12:49 AM | Comments (0)

Advertisement: The Call To Prayer by Jack L. Kemp and Jill Cohen Walker

“Imagine that immorality is legal and persecution of Christians is sport. Money and power belong to the elites, and national patriotism is dead. Despots who despise God rule over a world where evil is good and good is evil. Criminals are called freedom fighters, and children are the victims of acts spawned from depraved minds. Sin is a word relegated to ancient history.

“Will humanity finally destroy itself through sin and corruption? Are the prayers of one faithful woman enough to start an outpouring of the Holy Spirit in a worldwide battle for the souls of the unsaved? Will His people arise from a deep spiritual sleep and heed His call?

“When governments try to stop God’s anointed, frontline warriors rise up to reach the unredeemed. Will their Spirit-filled efforts produce a major harvest of souls before the shout of the archangel and the trump of God?”

A novel that weaves current and likely future events into fictional settings in a concise and honest fashion, this book is for serious and not-so-serious-minded conservatives and independents who want to know how “man proposes and God disposes.” A must-read before the election!

Amazons reviewers say:

Reviewer: ***** Could barely put it down! August 17, 2004
Joyce Stotts (Newark, NY)

“The Call to Prayer is unbelievably relevant to today's world. Once the story begins to unfold, this gem is inspirational, informative and gripping! Jill Cohen Walker has proven in the past what a gifted writer she is. Now, they (Jill, together with Jack L. Kemp) have created a novel that is equal in magnitude to many other established authors...and the first time out! This is one book you will want to read and re-read. Can hardly wait to read the sequel!”

Reviewer: ***** Outstanding Freshman Effort August 14, 2004
Reviewer: S. Eaker (Chattanooga, TN USA)

“This book is a wonder. Topically relevant and concisely-written, the plot builds speed like a freight train.”

The book is available here.

John Hawkins | 12:00 AM | Comments (0)

August 25, 2004
Kerry Urges Bush To End Vietnam Attacks

If you enjoyed this post by Allah, you can read more of his work at Allah Is In The House.

PS: This is a real photo and the headline is from a real AP article.

John Hawkins | 11:00 PM | Comments (0)

Basing Grades In College Mainly On Effort Instead Of 'Academic Quality'?

"Benedict College has fired two professors who refused to go along with a policy that says freshmen are awarded 60 percent of their grades based on effort and the rest on their work's academic quality.

Benedict President David Swinton says the Success Equals Effort policy gives struggling freshmen a chance to adapt to college academics. He expects students to improve - the formula drops to 50-50 in the sophomore year and isn't used in the junior or senior year. But he says he's "interested in where they are at when they graduate, not where they are when they get here."

Students "have to get an A in effort to guarantee that if they fail the subject matter, they can get the minimum passing grade," Swinton said. "I don't think that's a bad thing."

Science professors Milwood Motley and Larry Williams defied that policy and Swinton dismissed them. Neither had tenure, which could have protected them from firing.

Motley, a veteran five years at Benedict, said he didn't like concept from the beginning but went along with it grudgingly. Then he faced an academic dilemma of passing a student he thought had not learned course material. In his case, giving a C to a student with a high exam score of 40 percent was too much.

"There comes a time when you have to say this is wrong," he said.

...Founded in 1870 to educate freed slaves, the college has been a haven for students who must overcome barriers to obtain higher education. The school's open admissions policy means many students arrive with poor study habits and weak high school records, Swinton said."

There's so much wrong with this sort of thinking that I don't even know where to begin.

First of all, any college where you can get a passing grade just by showing up & "making an effort" is a total joke as illustrated by the fact that you have professors being forced to give "a C to a student with a high exam score of 40 percent".

You could have kids who think that we teamed up with the British to free ourselves from the Spanish in the Civil War of 1492 passing history class because they put in a "good effort".

Oh -- but it doesn't matter because we should be "interested in where they are at when they graduate, not where they are when they get here". That sounds good in theory, until you realize that the clown running Benedict College defines "when they get here" as the first TWO YEARS of college; then you start to realize how nuts this whole concept actually is.

"But Hawkins, they have to buckle down when they become a junior!" Well, what about the two years of "stupid" they're allowed to go through before they come a junior? I mean the kid who scored a 40 in that science class isn't going to somehow magically learn science in his junior year, right?

Bottom line: College kids need to be challenged and there's really no way you challenge kids to learn when they know that 50%-60% of their grade comes from "effort". Furthermore, in the long run, effort in and of itself, doesn't mean very much. To hammer home that point, let me paraphrase a line Sean Connery said, in "The Rock"...

"Losers always whine about how much effort they put in. Winners go home and screw the prom queen."

Hat tip to Joanne Jacobs for finding this story.

John Hawkins | 09:36 PM | Comments (0)

S.O.S. -- Presidential Campaign Overboard!

Hat tip to the fine folks at Cox & Forkum for coming up with this one =D

*** Update #1 ***: The Kerry campaign has tried every trick under the sun to deal with the Swift Boat Vets for Truth short of actually dealing with their very credible and damaging claims in any sort of substantial and serious matter (which incidentally is why they're not going to be able to make the story go away). Well today, Kerry dispatched Jim Rassman & Max Cleland to Bush's Crawford ranch in an effort to get favorable publicity get Bush to condemn the Swift Boat ads.

Well, it backfired, because for the first time, Team W. fired back at Kerry on what he did AFTER VIETNAM which will only help keep the Swift Boat Vets story alive (not that it needed any help). Just take a look at this...

"Dear Senator Kerry,

We are pleased to welcome your campaign representatives to Texas today. We honor all our veterans, all whom have worn the uniform and served our country. We also honor the military and National Guard troops serving in Iraq and Afghanistan today. We are very proud of all of them and believe they deserve our full support.

That’s why so many veterans are troubled by your vote AGAINST funding for our troops in Iraq and Afghanistan, after you voted FOR sending them into battle. And that’s why we are so concerned about the comments you made AFTER you came home from Vietnam. You accused your fellow veterans of terrible atrocities – and, to this day, you have never apologized. Even last night, you claimed to be proud of your post-war condemnation of our actions.

We’re proud of our service in Vietnam. We served honorably in Vietnam and we were deeply hurt and offended by your comments when you came home.

You can’t have it both ways. You can’t build your convention and much of your campaign around your service in Vietnam, and then try to say that only those veterans who agree with you have a right to speak up. There is no double standard for our right to free speech. We all earned it.

You said in 1992 “we do not need to divide America over who served and how.” Yet you and your surrogates continue to criticize President Bush for his service as a fighter pilot in the National Guard.

We are veterans too – and proud to support President Bush. He’s been a strong leader, with a record of outstanding support for our veterans and for our troops in combat. He’s made sure that our troops in combat have the equipment and support they need to accomplish their mission.

He has increased the VA health care budget more than 40% since 2001 – in fact, during his four years in office, President Bush has increased veterans funding twice as much as the previous administration did in eight years ($22 billion over 4 years compared to $10 billion over 8.) And he’s praised the service of all who served our country, including your service in Vietnam.

We urge you to condemn the double standard that you and your campaign have enforced regarding a veteran’s right to openly express their feelings about your activities on return from Vietnam.

Sincerely,

Texas State Land Commissioner Jerry Patterson
Rep. Duke Cunningham
Rep. Duncan Hunter
Rep. Sam Johnson
Lt. General David Palmer
Robert O'Malley, Medal of Honor Recipient
James Fleming, Medal of Honor Recipient
Lieutenant Colonel Richard Castle (Ret.)"

That letter struck a PERFECT tone in so many ways. It nailed Kerry on what he did as a Senator & criticized what he did AFTER VIETNAM while praising his service, emphasizing how Bush is looking after soldiers, and supporting the right of the Swift Boat Vets for Truth to have their say.

But, if you think that letter stung, if you think Kerry has had it tough so far, just wait until this goes live...

"As controversy over John Kerry's Vietnam service holds center stage in the presidential campaign, a war veteran is about to release a television documentary with devastating testimony by former POWs of the demoralizing impact of the senators' war-crimes accusations more than 30 years ago.

The production is scheduled to air in two weeks on the heels of a television ad by Swift Boat Veterans for the Truth, which charges Kerry with betrayal for accusing them of war atrocities during his testimony to the Senate Foreign Relations Committee in 1971.

A source involved in the production, who said its makers are not prepared yet to release their names, told WorldNetDaily its title will be "Stolen Honor."

The documentary has no official connection to the swiftboats group, the source said, but one of the POWs the film features is Paul Galanti, who appears in the group's second ad, released this week.

Galanti, who spent more than six years in prison after being shot down south of Hanoi, says he first heard Kerry's testimony in late 1971 when it was broadcast by his Vietnamese captors over the public address system in the infamous "Hanoi Hilton."

Jerome Corsi, co-author of the swiftboat vets' book, "Unfit for Command," said he has seen some of the taped interviews used in the documentary.

"They are very, very powerful," he told WND.

Corsi said the POWs in the new production tell how Kerry's April 22, 1971, testimony before the Senate Foreign Relations Committee was "thrown in their faces."

Just imagine what this is probably going to be like folks. Just look at this Paul Galanti quote from the Swift Boat Vets ad...

"In the 30-second TV spot, Galanti says Kerry "gave the enemy for free what I and many of my comrades in North Vietnam, in the prison camps, took torture to avoid saying. ... It demoralized us."

Just imagine a whole documentary filled with POWs giving quotes like that, their voices cracking with emotion, talking about being beaten & tortured in a Vietnamese prison camp while their captors accused them of the most horrible atrocities imaginable and played John Kerry's Senate testimony as evidence.

It's going to be brutal -- and you know what? Kerry ran as a war hero after lying about his war record & acting like Jane Fonda after the Vietnam war. That's why this whole Swift Boat Vets for Truth thing is nothing but karma coming back to bite Kerry in the behind and I just love it...

John Hawkins | 05:19 PM | Comments (0)

Patton Vs. The Evil Stone Devil Of Doom

I've always liked an assortment of weird statuary -- gargoyles, foo dogs, and other bizarre looking creatures. Well, my dog Patton, really dislikes one of these freaky figures. He has growled at it before, doesn't like to get near it etc. This is what happened when I sat in a doorway and tossed one of Patton's balls into the room. Here's the pic of him trying to figure out whether to go after the ball or not...

I think the reason that Patton doesn't like it is because it's fairly large, has a face, and he can't figure out what it is. On the other hand, if I should die mysteriously inside of a locked room and the statue is in it, smash it, burn the chunks that are left, cover them in holy water, and bury them in consecrated ground just to be safe =D

John Hawkins | 12:03 AM | Comments (0)

The Least Likely Automated Email Messages By The Chortler

Sorry, I cannot answer your message personally. Due to the number of Democrats asking me to stay in the presidential race I am unable to respond at this time. - Ralph Nader

Oy vey! This is an automated message. But don't kvetch. I'll schmooze with you later. - Yasser Arafat

Because I am so engrossed in trying to come to terms with all the factions in the current South Ossetian conflict I cannot answer your letter immediately. - George Bush

I am out of the office until Thursday as I am following the Grateful Dead Reunion Tour. - John Ashcroft

Thank you for sending an email. Due to all the fan mail praising us for our most recent film “Gigli,” we cannot respond to each letter individually. - Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez

I'm out having a beer right now with my good friend Ken Starr. I'll write you as soon as I get back. - Bill Clinton

Howdy yawl! I'm too busy doing this here campaignin' and eatin' grits to answer yawl's message right now. - John Kerry

RENOWNED INTERNET GOSSIP COLUMNIST AWAY FROM COMPUTER SCREEN SEEKING SENSATIONISTIC STORY TO HELP DEMOCRATS IN ELECTION. - Matt Drudge

Sorry we are currently experiencing a glitch in our new open source operating system and your message has been bounced back to you. - Bill Gates

If you enjoyed this satire by the Chortler, you can read more of their work here.

John Hawkins | 12:02 AM | Comments (0)

Advertisement: Shadow Patriot!

Mark Dubbin, the author of "Shadow Patriot" bought another main page ad on RWN to get the word out about his book. Here's the description of it from Amazon...

"The events of 9/11 affected many things in New York and the Mafia was no exception. Business suffered for Don Remondini after the attack, but he wasn't about to let it go. The cowards who cost him would receive a message from the Family if he had anything to say about it. They would think twice about their actions in the future. That much was certain.

Jim Pearce is Don Remondini's chief of security. As an Ex-Special Forces sniper, discharged from duty with diabetes, he is assigned to send al-Qaeda a powerful message from the Family. Operating outside the law, and using his CIA contacts, Shadow Patriot is a web of action and intrigue where the guilty will be made to pay, and payback can be a b*tch!"

I've done ads for this book before and one of RWN's readers had actually read the book. Jay said the following,

"I bought it after seeing the link to it on Amazon posted on here last time. The book itself is very short, only about 110 pages I believe. It was a little far fetched, but all in all a very good read."

Here's what a couple of intelligent people on Amazon had to say about the book,

Reviewer: A reader from Las Cruces, NM United States

A wonderful story taking a different approach to the effects of 9/11, and how it was dealt with. Rather than sit back and complain about what happened on that eventful day, a plan was set to take out a terrorist cell. Neat idea and easy flowing writing. Makes for a good, sunny afternoon read.

Reviewer: nicothefabulous from Littleton, CO United States

In a world where justice can be hard to come by, sometimes you have to make your own. Reminds me a bit of The Rocketeer, with the FBI agents and Mafia guys fighting the Nazis side-by-side. Maybe more people with the financial means to do so should take note of this story! I want to see the movie. A classic tale of good old-fashioned American payback.

And here's a review that's so silly, the reviewer should be beaten with a shovel...ehr, oh shoot, let's just make it a wet noodle so the lefties who read the page won't take me literally and think I'm encouraging you to beat people with shovels...

Reviewer: 40r74 from Houston

From Darth Vader to Bin Laden the dark side only serves itself. Violence only serves hatred and violence. War begets only war. The story of this book is worth reading for the knowledge but it is not something to be proud of.

That review doesn't have anything to do with anything, I just found it to be such stereotypical leftist drivel that it was actually entertaining.

In any case, if you're looking for some interesting fiction to read, check out "Shadow Patriot."

John Hawkins | 12:01 AM | Comments (0)

August 24, 2004
The Blogosphere Vs. The Mainstream Media On Kerry's Self Inflicted Purple Heart

From Right Wing News on May 5th, 2004....

"After first pointing out that Kerry claimed that he was hit by enemy fire, but actually appeared to have accidentally wounded himself by firing a mortar round at some nearby rocks...

"What I saw was a small piece of metal sticking very superficially in the skin of Kerry's arm. The metal fragment measured about 1 cm. in length and was about 2 or 3 mm in diameter. It certainly did not look like a round from a rifle.

I simply removed the piece of metal by lifting it out of the skin with forceps. I doubt that it penetrated more than 3 or 4 mm. It did not require probing to find it, did not require any anesthesia to remove it, and did not require any sutures to close the wound.

The wound was covered with a bandaid."

On August 19th, 2004 Chris Matthews & Jim Lehrer still seemed to be unaware that the Swift Boat Veterans for Truth are even claiming that Kerry's first Purple Heart is the result of an unintentionally self-inflicted wound.

Now today, according to Fox News, the Kerry campaign is admitting that John Kerry's first Purple Heart may have resulted from a self-inflicted wound...

"And questions keep coming. For example, Kerry received a Purple Heart for wounds suffered on December 2nd, 1968. But an entry in Kerry's own journal written nine days later, he writes that, quote, he and his crew hadn't been shot at yet, unquote. Kerry's campaign has said it is possible his first Purple Heart was awarded for an unintentionally self-inflicted wound."

The blogosphere -- beating the mainstream media to the story by more than 3 1/2 months!

John Hawkins | 09:34 PM | Comments (0)

Kerry Team Lines Up Witnesses to Senate Career by Scott Ott

The Kerry campaign ratcheted up its defense of the Democrat's Senate record today, producing several U.S. Senators to attest to John Forbes Kerry's presence during actual senate sessions.

The media-blitz came on the same day that the campaign trotted out witnesses to Mr. Kerry's military exploits in Vietnam.

Mr. Kerry, who was elected to the Senate in 1984, faces allegations that he rarely attended intelligence committee hearings, missed many votes and sponsored no significant legislation.

But Sen. Edward M. 'Ted' Kennedy, D-MA, contradicted those claims.

"I saw John on several occasions during the past two decades," said Mr. Kennedy. "I can't recall if I saw him in person, or on C-Span, but he looked very senatorial and appeared to be doing something...you know, for the people."

Another senator, who insisted on anonymity, agreed with Mr. Kennedy.

"I distinctly remember seeing John Kerry in the senate chambers on Christmas eve," said the unnamed senator. "That picture of him working through the Christmas break is seared....seared in my memory. He gave no thought to himself. His devotion was to the common people whom he served with valor."

If you enjoyed this satire by Scott Ott, you can read more of his work at Scrappleface.

John Hawkins | 08:40 PM | Comments (0)

Red Ink Is Too "Scary" For Children To Deal With? Please...

It was bad enough when public school weenies banned dodgeball & even tag in a certain schools. But, even then I didn't realize how far these people were willing to go in their effort to turn our children into human veal (emphasis mine)...

"When it comes to correcting papers and grading tests, purple is emerging as the new red.

"If you see a whole paper of red, it looks pretty frightening," said Sharon Carlson, a health and physical education teacher at John F. Kennedy Middle School in Northampton. "Purple stands out, but it doesn't look as scary as red."

"....The concept of purple as a replacement for red is a pretty good idea," said Leatrice Eiseman, director of the Pantone Color Institute in Carlstadt, N.J., and author of five books on color. "You soften the blow of red. Red is a bit over-the-top in its aggression."

"I do not use red," said Robin Slipakoff, who teaches second and third grades at Mirror Lake Elementary School in Plantation, Fla. "Red has a negative connotation, and we want to promote self-confidence. I like purple. I use purple a lot."

...Sheila Hanley, who teaches reading and writing to first- and second-graders at John F. Kennedy Elementary School in Randolph, said: "Red is definitely a no-no. But I don't know if purple is in."

....Ruslan Nedoruban, who is entering seventh grade at his Belmont school, said red markings on his papers make him feel "uncomfortable."

These teachers are going so far over the "sensitivity line" here that we're almost getting into "Twilight Zone" territory. What's next? Are they going to start sticking these kids into those plastic protective bubbles just to make sure they don't actually hurt themselves during the day?

And what happens when the fragile little flowers who apparently can't even handle having their papers graded in red leave the protective cocoon of their school system and go out into the "dog eat dog" world? It's like tossing a flounder into a shark tank.

These teachers are not doing these kids any favors by treating them like they're made of glass because they're leaving them unprepared for the rigorous scrum that is "real life". These kids need to be pushed and challenged, and it's hard to imagine any teacher who actually avoids using red ink because she thinks it's too "aggressive" demanding enough from these kids. America's children deserve better than this...

John Hawkins | 01:16 AM | Comments (0)

Misc Vietnam Related Commentary For Aug 24, 2004

-- Normally, this would be a big story, but it seems to have gone largely unnoticed in all the Vietnam hubbub that's going on right now...

"Scott O'Grady, the Air Force pilot who captured headlines in 1995 when he survived being shot down over Bosnia, on Friday said Sen. John Kerry committed "treason" during the Vietnam War.

O'Grady, in an appearance with other military veterans coordinated by President Bush's re-election campaign, said Kerry helped push North Vietnam's proposals for the United States to withdraw at a time when the two countries were still officially at war.

"I see that as treason," said O'Grady, who lives in Texas and has been speaking at veterans events for Bush around the country. He's now retired from the military.

....O'Grady said he was referring to Kerry's 1971 appearance before the Senate Committee on Foreign Relations. In response to a question about how he proposed to end the war, Kerry mentioned that he was involved in peace talks in Paris.

"I have talked with both delegations at the peace talks, that is to say the Democratic Republic of Vietnam and the Provisional Revolutionary Government," Kerry told the panel, according to a transcript.

A U.S. law prohibits citizens from negotiating with foreign governments on matters such as peace treaties."

I wonder how many people know John Kerry was meeting with and talking up the proposals of the North Vietnamese even while our soldiers were dying in the field?

-- This quote from Bob Dole is fantastic,

"One day, (Kerry's) saying that we were shooting civilians, cutting off their ears, cutting off their heads, throwing away his medals or his ribbons. The next day, he's standing there, 'I want to be president because I'm a Vietnam veteran.' Maybe he should apologize to all the other 2.5 million veterans who served." -- Bob Dole

Have you ever considered just how big of a transformation John Kerry has made over the years? He made his name originally as Vietnam war protestor, another Jane Fonda, another Ramsey Clark. He threw away his medals, smeared all the troops serving in Vietnam, & even met with the enemy -- in France of all places.

Now today, as Bob Dole said, it's vote for me as "president because I'm a Vietnam veteran". That's really a fundamentally dishonest tactic and it's actually surprising that it took so long for him to get called on it publicly by someone of Bob Dole's stature.

However, Bob Dole was only partially correct when he said,

"But three Purple Hearts and never bled that I know of. I mean, they're all superficial wounds. Three Purple Hearts and you're out."

It's true that Kerry had very minor wounds, but he did bleed on multiple occasions.

-- Have you noticed how differently the Swift Boat Vets for Truth (SBVFT) and the much, much, smaller group of vets for Kerry (KV) are being treated? The mainstream media...

* ...is deeply skeptical of everything the SBVFT say, while what the KV say is treated as gospel.

* ...has gone to bizarre lengths to try to tie the SBVFT to the Bush campaign. But, the Kerry campaign is keeping tight control over what the KV say and the media seems to have no problem with that.

* ...has dug into the backgrounds of the SBVFT, openly questioned their honesty, and has passed along smears intended to reduce their credibility. On the other hand, I haven't seen any evidence that the media has even investigated the background of the KV.

*...has attempted to impugn the credibility of the SBVFT by pointing out that they're backed by "Republican money". Yet, the ads run by the Kerry campaign featuring the KV are of course funded by "Democratic money". Moreover, do we know what sort of funds the Kerry campaign is spending on the KV? Are they taking care of plane fare, hotel bills, & expenses? Are they being given any "walking around money"?

So why are the KV getting a complete free pass from the media while the SBVFT are getting the standard media "anal exam"? We all know why -- because the KV are helping the candidate the mainstream media favors and the SBVFT are hurting him. If the situation were reversed and a Republican President was being defended by a small group of vets by a group 10 times their size that said he was lying, you can bet the treatment of the two groups of vets would be exactly reversed.

-- Just check out these 5 paragraphs from Mark Steyn's latest exquisite, yet lethal piece and I think you'll see why so many people consider him to be the finest columnist walking the earth today...

"Pat Oliphant, who appears in the Washington Post and many other newspapers, offered a cartoon showing the Swiftees as Bush-backing deadbeats sitting round a bar b*tching: "I never seen Kerry do nothing hee-roic," says one loser. "D@mn right," says another. "You and me was right there in latrine maintenance. We orta know."

The redneck spelling's a nice touch, ain't it? I wonder which of the anti-Kerry campaign's 254 Swift vets, including 17 of Lieutenant Kerry's 23 fellow officers, Oliphant thinks were in latrine maintenance. Maybe he's got in mind fellows like Paul Galanti, who appears in the latest anti-Kerry ad and whose plane went down over North Vietnam in 1966. He was held in the "Hanoi Hilton" Viet Cong POW camp until 1973. That's seven years getting tortured by the g**ks, only to be mocked by some lame-o cartoonist as a redneck latrine operator.

I've never quite understood the preferred formulation of big-time Democrats – that "of course" they support our troops even though they oppose this war. But in practice they "support our troop" – singular – just Lieut Kerry and the handful of Swiftees willing to appear in public with him. The rest can go to hell and any of 'em impertinent enough to question the Senator are just "sleazoids" wading through their own backed-up latrine. I wonder if the Kerry campaign and its media cheerleaders have really thought this one through.

Nothing the "sleazoids" say about Kerry is as bad as what he said about them 33 years ago in his testimony to Congress, when he informed the world that his comrades – his "band of brothers" – had "personally raped, cut off ears, cut off heads" etc, throughout their time in Vietnam.

Unlike John O'Neill's book, he didn't bother to give specifics: the US Army in general was rife with ear-severers. If you want to know why Paul Galanti is appearing in an anti-Kerry ad, it's because he first heard about this speech from his Viet Cong captors who cited it to try to persuade him and his fellow prisoners that resistance was now futile and they might as well cross over to the other side."

John Hawkins | 12:24 AM | Comments (0)

August 23, 2004
You Think You're Tired Of Hearing About Vietnam Now -- Just Wait Part 2

Here's an excerpt from a post I wrote back on Feb 11th of this year. Given all the Vietnam related charges and counter-charges being tossed around, I thought it might be a good time to pull this one out of the archives...

"However, if you're already sick of talking about Vietnam, just give it a few months. I say that because the Democrats seem to be gearing up to make John Kerry's distinguished service in Vietnam one of the key issues, perhaps THE key issue that he intends to run on.

I know some of you are probably thinking,

"Come on Hawkins, he won those medals 35 years ago and then he even allowed the world to think that he threw them away for more than a decade. Surely he can't think that he's going ride those medals to the Presidency?"

Hey, I'm not in charge of political strategy for the Kerry campaign. But, if they're crazy enough to think that they're going to be able to sell people on the idea that man who has been in the Senate for 20 years is going to stand up and "fight special interests," then they obviously believe they can convince people of just about anything.

But, if you're watching, all the signs of a "Vietnam" strategy are there. Kerry has already been mocked across the blogosphere for incessantly mentioning that he was in Vietnam. He also surrounds himself with Vietnam vets and has run campaign commercials in the primaries that focus on his status as a, "veteran and war hero".

Most importantly, you have to remember that the last thing a Massachusetts liberal with a terrible voting record on security issues wants to do is go toe to toe on defense issues with George Bush in a time of war. So expect him to try to use the old Max Cleland dodge to get out of it. Kerry will claim that simply being a decorated Vietnam vet makes him credible on national defense and if anyone questions his judgement, they're attacking his patriotism. Then the issue becomes the attacks on his patriotism, not his sure to be mousey foreign policy.

So if Kerry is going to try to convince voters that they can trust him in the Oval Office primarily because he's a war hero, then the GOP is going to have to hammer him on his disgraceful activities after he returned Vietnam just enough neutralize the issue. Of course, that means -- yes, you guessed it -- we're all probably going to be treated to Vietnam discussions ad nauseum for months unless Kerry gets his nose bloodied on the issue early and decides to go in another direction. All I can say is root for that bloody nose..."

Now I did expect the debate to be mostly about what Kerry did after the war, not during it, but of course we didn't know at the time that John Kerry was fibbing about his record in Vietnam.

Moreover, may I add that this STILL ISN'T CLOSE to being over. Yes, the Republican National Convention will tear the spotlight off of the Swiftees for Truth, but only temporarily.

You know why I say that? Because there's blood in the water...John Kerry's blood.

The SBVFT have already caught Kerry in a lie about Cambodia and that damaged him. Furthermore, the fact that Kerry is refusing to release his military record and is stonewalling the charges made against him, despite all the attention they're getting, is making him look dishonest. On top of that, if the Swift Boat Vets for Truth can convince that public that John Kerry is telling a number of lies about his record or even more importantly, can deliver the coup de grace and show that he lied to get one of his Purple Hearts, this campaign is as good as over.

Personally, I think that there is a lot of "there there" to the charges made by Swift Boat Veterans for Truth and unless Kerry can put this whole issue to rest by releasing his records and coming up with plausible answers to some of the tougher questions the SBVFT are putting to him, his run at the presidency is going to be crippled.

So despite the fact that there are lot of issues that are more relevant to this campaign than Vietnam, like Iraq, the war on terror, taxes, etc, etc, Vietnam looks likely to loom large in this election all the way down to the wire...

John Hawkins | 05:47 PM | Comments (0)

A Review Of Michelle Malkin's 'In Defense Of Internment'

There are at least two things that make it very difficult to accurately evaluate historical events. The first is that hindsight is 20/20. In other words, we tend to judge what happened in the past without taking into account all of the knowledge that we have acquired after the fact. For example, when we look back at WW2, not only do we know how everything turned out, but we have decades of extensive research to rely on that the actors on the world stage during that conflict did not have access to.

Furthermore, we as human beings often look at historical events through the prism of today's conditions and standards. Put another way, it's hard for those of us who live in the world's most prosperous and powerful nation to truly imagine what it was life was actually like back in World War 2. We may THINK we know, but there are many things of import that we are wont to discount or shrug off simply because they're no longer of concern.

Which brings us to the Japanese internment during WW2.

Until recently, there has scarcely even been any public debate about the issue. The Japanese Internment has been written off by most people as another sad, racist, chapter of our history that was wholly without merit.

However, Michelle Malkin argues in her new book, "In Defense of Internment: The Case for 'Racial Profiling' in World War 2 and the War on Terror," that things are not as black and white as we've been led to believe. To the contrary, Malkin argues that "the national security measures taken during World War 2 were justifiable, given what was known and not known at the time".

In order to prove this assertion, Malkin paints a picture, quite effectively I might add, of a situation in which the Japanese internment is one of several not very pleasant options that Roosevelt had to choose between. Here's what I consider to be the crux of the case that Malkin makes....(Cont)

John Hawkins | 12:03 AM | Comments (0)

President George W. Bush On John Kerry's War Record By The Chortler

My Fellow Americans,

There have been a lot of doubts raised recently about John Kerry's war record and what heroism he might or might not have actually displayed while serving in Vietnam.

(To my great surprise, these doubts have been raised by people who have sent large amounts of money to my reelection campaign.)

First of all, allow me to state categorically that I would never for a moment bring into question the noble war record that my liberal, pinko, wimpy-@ssed Democratic challenger might or might not have had.

The courage which my bleeding heart, Cadillac communist opponent might or might not have revealed during that conflict was laudable and an example to us all.

I would never dream of exploiting for political purposes the outstanding demonstration of valor John Kerry might or might not have shown three decades ago.

Finally, it is my sincere hope that during this election campaign we will put aside all the lingering uncertainties about the undisputed bravery the bolshie, caviar-eating Massachusetts senator might or might not have exhibited while serving in the US Navy.

Thank you, and God bless America.

If you enjoyed this satire from the Chortler, you can read more of their work here.

John Hawkins | 12:02 AM | Comments (0)

The Questions The Mainstream Media Needs To Ask John Kerry About Vietnam

The mainstream media has done an extremely poor job of covering the Swift Boat Veterans for Truth story.

When the group first formed in April, the media largely ignored their explosive charges despite the fact that many of the people involved are vets and war heroes who knew John Kerry in Vietnam. Even after the group's book, "Unfit for Command," started selling like wildfire & conservative bloggers and talk radio hosts started talking about the story daily, most of the mainstream media continued to treat the SBVFT as a non-story.

Only after John Kerry attacked the SBVFT did most of the "dead tree" media begin to cover the story, if you consider parroting the line taken by the Kerry campaign on the ads and smearing the Swiftees for Truth for daring to attack John Kerry's war record "cover(ing) the story".

Perhaps the most disconcerting thing of all has been that much of the mainstream media seems to be simply rejecting the claims of the Swift Boat Veterans for Truth out of hand without even bothering to familiarize themselves with many of the charges being made. For example, both Chris Matthews & Jim Lehrer seemed to be totally unaware that the Swift Boat Vets for Truth are claiming that John Kerry received 2 Purple Hearts for accidentally self-inflicted wounds. That's just embarrassing.

So, in an effort to help everyone out there, journalists, voters, bloggers, you name it, try to get a handle on this whole "Swift Boat Vets thing," I put together a list of 10 questions for John Kerry prompted by things said by the Swift Boat Veterans for Truth. While this is by no means a comprehensive list, it covers most of the hot issues in the blogosphere. Moreover, I think you'll find that these are important questions that John Kerry needs to answer if he's going to prove the Swift Boat Veterans for Truth wrong when they claim he's "Unfit for Command". (Cont)

John Hawkins | 12:01 AM | Comments (0)


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