And many writers have imagined for themselves republics and principalities that have never been seen or known to exist in reality; for there is such a gap between how one lives and how one ought to live that anyone who abandons what is done for what ought to be done learns his ruin rather than his preservation: for a man who wishes to profess goodness at all times will come to ruin among so many who are not good. -- Niccolo Machiavelli
Huzzah! I am FINALLY taking another week-end off to go the beach and trust me -- I need a few days to kick back and relax. So until I return on Tuesday, how about giving my advertisers the appreciation they deserve? Viva la capitalism!!!!
Quote Of The Day: Is The American Ballot Box Hitler's Secret Weapon
In his latest column, David Broder looks back on the election and 1944 and finds this quote from Democratic Senator Samuel Jackson of Indiana
"How many battleships would a Democratic defeat be worth to Tojo? How many Nazi legions would it be worth to Hitler? ...We must not allow the American ballot box to be made Hitler's secret weapon."
And that was from a time when BOTH PARTIES were serious about defending America. Today, Republicans take stopping terrorism seriously while many Democrats only seem to be able to get fired up about using the military to prop up left-wing dictators masquerading as popularly elected leaders like Jean-Bertrand Aristide. Sadly, tragically, defending America really has become a partisan issue.
However, since it's a partisan issue, it's something that I think Americans need to consider when they go to the ballot box in November.
So I say to all Americans, "Can we allow our ballot box to become Osama Bin Laden's secret weapon? Can we afford to give Syria, Iran, & North Korea the candidate they most assuredly want as President? How can we in good conscience put a man like John Kerry into the White House when we know the danger our country faces?"
Call that "brutal," "exploitive," or "mean" if you like, but I'd rather be correct than polite in this situation. We absolutely cannot risk giving the terrorist groups of global reach and the rogue states that support them a 4 year breather while John Kerry plays pattycake with Kofi Annan & a bunch of international lawyers. This is serious business with serious consequences -- too serious to risk putting a man in office who is more concerned what Old Europe thinks than defending America from terrorists.
Since John Kerry -- or as I think of him, Senator Flip-Flop -- has won in New Hampshire, he now has to be considered the odds on favorite to take the Democratic nomination. So, I thought it was time to put out my first batch of John Kerry quotes.
While Kerry is not as wacky as Howard Dean or Wesley Clark, he still has his moments. Kerry has flip-flopped far more than anyone else in the race, has been talking about Saddam's WMD since before the Gulf War, and I suspect that a lot more is going to come out about Kerry's radical, pro-Communist, anti-war activities after Vietnam before it's all said and done. But in the interim, let's get things started with a few quotes...
Misc
"I voted for what I thought was best for the country. Did I expect Howard Dean to go off to the left and say, 'I'm against everything'? Sure. Did I expect George Bush to f*ck it up as badly as he did? I don't think anybody did." -- John Kerry in Rolling Stone
"When Teresa Heinz-Kerry arrived, she handed me a pin that read in the center: “Asses of Evil” with “Bush”, “Cheney”, “Rumsfeld” and “Ashcroft” surrounding it. She met, greeted and talked to a jam-packed room of Kerry supporters and others who came for the MoveOn documentary." -- From John Kerry's Blog
"No one's talking about how to keep the other side home on Election Day. It's a lot easier than you think and it doesn't cost that much. This election can be won by 200,000 votes. You target (Bush's) natural constituencies. For example, you can go on all the pro-life chat rooms and say you're an outraged right-wing voter and that you know that George Bush drove an ex-girlfriend to an abortion clinic and paid for her to get an abortion. Then you go to an anti-immigration Web site chat room and ask, 'What's all this about George Bush proposing amnesty for illegal aliens?" -- From one Kerry's Celebrity Supporters, Moby, who Kerry has even performed with on stage
"We're going to keep pounding, let me tell you. We're just beginning to fight here. These guys are the most crooked, you know, lying group I've ever seen. It's scary." -- John Kerry, March 2004
"John Kerry. In his 20 years in the Senate, he's been a standard-issue Massachusetts liberal, with a lifetime rating from Americans for Democratic Action of 93 on their 0-100 scale. By contrast, the other Senator from the Bay State, Teddy Kennedy, has a lifetime rating of 88. "That makes Kennedy the conservative of the two," chortled Republican National Chairman Ed Gillespie as he visited New Hampshire last week on an anti-Democratic strafing run." -- James Pinkerton, 1/26/04
"Sen. John F. Kerry has said he was ‘very proud’ of his vote to increase the (gas) tax by 4.3 cents per gallon..." -- Michael Kranish, The Boston Globe, 5/4/96
"Mr. Kerry voted for the USA Patriot Act, Mr. Bush's No Child Left Behind education bill and the Congressional resolution authorizing the president to use force in Iraq, only to sharply criticize all three once he became a presidential candidate. Mr. Kerry counters that his quarrel is with Mr. Bush's execution of the policies, but he struggled for months to explain his shifting stance on the Iraq war." -- Todd S. Purdum, Jan 25, 2004 in the New York Times
"For those of us who are fortunate to share an Irish ancestry, we take great pride in the contributions that Irish-Americans" — Senate floor statement by John Kerry, 3/18/86
"(John Kerry) has never indicated to anyone that he was Irish and corrected people over the years who assumed he was" -- Kerry spokeswoman Kelly Benander said in Feb, 2003
"I've met with foreign leaders who can't go out and say this publicly," he said. "But, boy, they look at you and say: 'You've got to win this. You've got to beat this guy. We need a new policy.' Things like that." -- John Kerry discusses his meetings with unidentified "foreign leaders"
"I'm a Christian. I've read the Bible and I know you can find the clauses that go both ways (on gay marriage). I'm not here to argue that with you." -- John Kerry in March, 2004
"President Clinton was often known as the first black president. I wouldn't be upset if I could earn the right to be the second." -- John Kerry, 2004
"Everybody always makes the mistake of looking South. Al Gore proved he could have been president of the United States without winning one Southern state, including his own." -- John Kerry
"The senator with the most special interest money over the last 15 years is John Kerry who’s just been running around telling all Americans how he’s going to get the special interests and don’t let the door hit you on the way out. That is exactly what’s wrong with American politics and that’s why 50 percent of the people in this country don’t vote." -- Howard Dean on Feb 1, 2004
"I don't believe in litmus tests, but I believe very strongly that the right to choose and the right to privacy are fundamental constitutional rights and I can't imagine supporting a Supreme Court nominee who doesn't share my view of the Constitution." -- John Kerry explains his Roe Vs. Wade litmus test after explaining that he doesn't believe in litmus tests
"Somebody told me the other day that the Secret Service has orders that if George Bush is shot, they're to shoot Quayle. There isn't any press here, is there?" -- Nov. 16, 1988)
"I'm an internationalist. I'd like to see our troops dispersed through the world only at the directive of the United Nations." -- John Kerry, 1970
"Sen. John Kerry of Massachusetts said during last night's Democratic presidential debate that the threat of terrorism has been exaggerated. "I think there has been an exaggeration," Mr. Kerry said when asked whether President Bush has overstated the threat of terrorism. "They are misleading all Americans in a profound way." -- Washington Times on Jan 30, 2004
“I've never made any judgments about any choice somebody made about avoiding the draft, about going to Canada, going to jail, being a conscientious objector, going into the National Guard. Those are choices people make.” -- John Kerry Denigrates the National Guard on Feb 3, 2004
Vietnam
"I am saddened by the fact that Vietnam has yet again been inserted into the campaign, and that it has been inserted in what I feel to be the worst possible way... What saddens me most is that Democrats, above all those who shared the agonies of that generation, should now be re-fighting the many conflicts of Vietnam in order to win the current political conflict of a presidential primary." -- John Kerry back in 1992
"Under Kerry's leadership, VVAW (Vietnam Veterans Against The War) members mocked the uniform of United States soldiers by wearing tattered fatigues marked with pro-Communist graffiti. They dishonored America by marching in demonstrations under the flag of the Viet Cong enemy.” -- Vietnam Veterans Against John Kerry
"(N)o one in the United States Senate pushed harder to bury the POW/MIA issue, the last obstacle preventing normalization of relations with Hanoi, than John Forbes Kerry." -- US Veteran Dispatch
"People are going to remember Gen. Giap saying if it weren't for these guys [Kerry's group], we would have lost. The Vietnam Veterans Against the War encouraged people to desert, encouraged people to mutiny - some used what they wrote to justify fragging officers." -- Oliver North
We will not quickly join those who march on Veterans' Day waving small flags, calling to memory those thousands who died for the "greater glory of the United States." We will not accept the rhetoric. We will not readily join the American Legion and the Veterans of Foreign Wars -- in fact, we will find it hard to join anything at all and when we do, we will demand relevancy such as other organizations have recently been unable to provide. We will not take solace from the creation of monuments or the naming of parks after a select few of the thousands of dead Americans and Vietnamese. We will not uphold traditions which decorously memorialize that which was base and grim. -- John Kerry, in "The New Soldier"
"War crimes in Vietnam are the rule, not the exception." -- It was mentioned that John Kerry said this in a 1971 debate
"To attempt to justify the loss of one American life in Vietnam, Cambodia or Laos by linking such loss to the preservation of freedom...is to us the height of criminal hypocrisy." -- John Kerry, 1971
On The War In Iraq & WMD
"[W]e urge you, after consulting with Congress, and consistent with the U.S. Constitution and laws, to take necessary actions (including, if appropriate, air and missile strikes on suspect Iraqi sites) to respond effectively to the threat posed by Iraq's refusal to end its weapons of mass destruction programs." -- From a letter signed by Joe Lieberman, Dianne Feinstein, Barbara A. Milulski, Tom Daschle, & John Kerry among others on October 9, 1998
"The threat of Saddam Hussein with weapons of mass destruction is real, but as I said, it is not new. It has been with us since the end of that war, and particularly in the last 4 years we know after Operation Desert Fox failed to force him to reaccept them, that he has continued to build those weapons. He has had a free hand for 4 years to reconstitute these weapons, allowing the world, during the interval, to lose the focus we had on weapons of mass destruction and the issue of proliferation." -- John Kerry, 10/9/02
"(W)e need to disarm Saddam Hussein. He is a brutal, murderous dictator, leading an oppressive regime. We all know the litany of his offenses. He presents a particularly grievous threat because he is so consistently prone to miscalculation. ...And now he is miscalculating America’s response to his continued deceit and his consistent grasp for weapons of mass destruction. That is why the world, through the United Nations Security Council, has spoken with one voice, demanding that Iraq disclose its weapons programs and disarm. So the threat of Saddam Hussein with weapons of mass destruction is real, but it is not new. It has been with us since the end of the Persian Gulf War." -- John Kerry, 1/23/03
"Iraq may not be the war on terror itself, but it is critical to the outcome of the war on terror, and therefore any advance in Iraq is an advance forward in that..." -- John Kerry 12/15/03
"When it was popular to be a Massachusetts liberal, his voting record was that. When it was popular to be for the Iraq war, he was for it. Now it's popular to be against it, and he's against it." -- Jay Carson, a Dean campaign spokesman
"If you think I would have gone to war the way George Bush did, don't vote for me." -- John Kerry, Jan 2004
"I was talking to my mother today- an apolitical person if there ever was one (though she had a brief flirtation with Ross Perot when he was in the mix)- and I said something like, "Boy this is going to be a real vicious year in politics isnt it?"
She just flicked her hand in the air and said, "Eh."
"Hon, it's all just rich people fighting among themselves. We don't have anything to do with it anymore."
I am about as conservative as they get. I always believed the power was in citizens' hands and that is why we should be aware and involved. But I was quiet for about half an hour after she said that to me.
Look at all our elected officials, regardless of party. Nearly all children of privelege.
What does it matter what DU'ers say? Or what we say?"
Aw Lauraw, Lauraw, you're looking at it this the wrong way. Sure, a lot of our most prominent politicians are from rich and privileged backgrounds and if they weren't rich and & privileged before the got into politics, they will be after they get out of office and start taking lobbying jobs.
But, so what if they're rich? Ideology, not wealth, is the important factor here. For example, George Soros and Richard Mellon Scaife may both be filthy rich, but they have diametrically opposed agendas. To conclude that, "Oh, they're both rich, so what does it matter" misses the point.
Furthermore, you have to remember that groups of ordinary people who band together to promote their agendas, groups like the National Rifle Association or the AARP, have incredible clout, much more than men like Soros or Scaife, not only because of their dues money, but because they can deliver their members to the polls.
Last but not least, remember that even men as rich and powerful as George Bush & John Kerry live in MORTAL TERROR of offending Americans of modest means just like you and me. All their wealth, all their power, means precisely jack diddly squat unless they can convince the voters that they're the candidate who can best serve their interests so they jerk around puppets on a string in order to please us. Remember that Lauraw and keep your chin up...
The Democratic Underground Post Of The Day: American Arrogance
There's a thread at the Democratic Underground called "American Arrogance" and as you'd expect, it's loaded with America bashing. No big surprise there given how much left-wingers seem to enjoy obsessively rant about what's wrong with America.
Here are a few select quotes from the thread......
Resistance:I think Mike Ruppert said ...(of From the Wilderness, an excellent newsletter)
America is like a dysfunctional family, where the Dad is molesting the daughter and everyone knows it but doesn't say anything for fear of disrupting the image of 'family'.
I didn't say it as well as Mike did but you get the idea.
maveric:American superiority = Hate and Intolerance. Flame me all to hell if you wish but that seems to be what it equates to. The arrogant WASP culture is waging war against all those who are not from their nest. People are hated for their color, creed and ethnic backgrounds. They wave the flag and pound the bible and tell everyone who doesn't that they are unamerican and will burn in hell. That is more than arrogance. That is hateful grandiose at its worst and it will eventually be the downfall of all "american culture". Our nation and culture will perish like nazi germany and imperial rome unless we as americans modify our attitudes and come down from our ivory towers.
Solon:I think the better analogy would be...
Think of America in the house, he just turned 17 and just found his dad's (UK) Machine gun. Exalted in the power of the weapon, he looks at all of his various cousins, and grandparents, even his parents, with suspicion. He's holding them all (the world) hostage, and if any step out of line, he shoots them without remorse. I believe that is a better analogy.
sweetheart:The arrogance is a bit more militarist. Chances are that a non-american flag-citizen will be occupied by the american military, and have their rights impinged by the american empire, either by companies not restricted by justice, or by dictatorship supported by american lies.
America is 90% a massive army of empire occupying the globe with the bullets aimed at most of the human race. Americans inside the US see the police state part of the empire, the gestapo presence and undermining of civil institutions. Outside, people realize that their democratic freedom is not real, and rather they are "ruled" peoples by the country of the big bases......
Then along comes joe american citizen who's a CNN view of america walking down the street. If he supports the flag state, then he himself is bearing arms towards those people, to injure them and their livelihoods.
If he disavvows the actions of the flag state, he will be safer whilst amongst people whom his state persecutes.
The arrogance of americans could be tied to this gross ignorance of the realpolitik meaning of a Roman Citizen in a meetup with foreign people, and that ones government represents his goodwill towards those people as a empire-protection racket with satellite state status. This conundrum of a land of the free build on the repression of all peoples and democracies.
The planet is occupied by an empire american people are generally unaware of (and could care less about), and voila! Arrogance.
It is not a question of superiority. It is the FACT of the military occupation and that all the body politic of the US stands behind empire building and empire expansion on this ill-advised neoliberal adgenda. The democratic version of clinton was no better, the miltiary has taken over the nation, that the executive is just a barnacle on the side of the machine that answers to no citizen.
JohnOneillsMemory:I see Americans as zombies who have been drugged by corporations and their own government. Our 400 years of racial holocaust and entitlement mentality has been inflamed and exploited to Nazi proportions with a comparable body count. We are living in the birth of the Fourth Reich.
I sense you are trying to write in a gentle and politic voice. I agree with you generally but am much more alarmed and think the problem is much much much worse than you portray it.
Woman Insists Her Love For Cats In No Way Interferes With Goal Of Finding A Man By Bob From Accounting
Tempe, AZ - Julie Montgomery has heard it all before. She heard it after she got "Annabel," then several more times when she acquired "Mr. Whiskers," and even more frequently when she rescued "Boo-Boo" limping and shivering off the side of the road.
Julie Montgomery, 29, certainly loves cats but insists that despite outward appearances and hushed comments from family members and friends, she's fully capable of extending human love to the right man and is ready to start a family of her own when the time is right.
"I just haven't met that special guy yet," Montgomery said as she read passages of "Winnie The Poo" to Nutmeg and Sleepy, the newest additions to her feline family.
"There's absolutely nothing in the world wrong with having a few cats. I love my cats and any man worth his salt will accept them without question."
Montgomery objects to accusations that her care for the half dozen cats borders on obsessive and she spends more money shopping for them than does for herself.
"Who doesn't love little kitty knickknacks? Mr. Whiskers absolutely loves his matching bonnet and sweater set, don't you Mr. Whiskers? That's right, you're so warm and snuggly aren't you? Aren't you? That's right, of course you are!"
Julie's mother Estelle isn't so sure.
"She's had some bad relationships and made some poor choices, but that's no reason to just throw her life away and give up. I really would like some grandchildren someday -- and not ones named Pumpkin or Pistachio. What the hell is wrong with her?"
Montgomery is well aware of the horror stories about elderly women living alone with hundreds of cats but insists that she's nothing like those sick, lonely women.
"It's totally different. Those women have deeply imbedded psychological problems. I have every intention of meeting the man of my dreams and having real kids someday. Right now, because of Boo Boo's little rash, I don't feel comfortable hiring a babysitter and going on dates. But as soon as she's feeling better, I have every intention of going out for dinner and dancing with some attractive guy. "
"Or better yet, we can rent a movie and snuggle on the couch and he can look through my photo albums. You wanna see cute, you should see Mr. Whiskers as a kitty, when he got tangled up in my bra. Hang on, lemme find those photos!"
If you enjoyed this satire by Bob From Accounting, you can read more of their work here.
Ted Rall's Wacky Theory About Warbloggers Getting The New York Times To Fire Him
It seems that the only thing the left loves more than raising taxes or talking about how much they hate George Bush is getting a good myth started. You know, like Gore really beat Bush, Max Cleland had his patriotism questioned in the 2002 elections, or Bush was AWOL from the National Guard.
The latest person to come up with one of these fantasies is Ted Rall who was recently unceremoniously dumped by the New York Times. So why did old Marxist Ted the cartoonist get fired? Well, here's the line Rall is trying to peddle...
"My trouble with the Times website dates back to the "terror widows" controversy. That cartoon, which appeared in March 2002, became the target of a coordinated email attack by right-wing "warbloggers." These pro-Bush bloggers, coasting on a wave of post-9/11 patriotism, sent out emails to their followers (helpful souls forwarded some to me) asking each other to deluge the Times and other papers with complaints that purported to come from their readers. The Times, under the mistaken belief that hundreds of their readers had complained about the cartoon, dropped that particular piece.
As I said at the time, it's their paper. They can run what they like. And I still believe that.
Since that time, the Times website has been lackadaisical about maintaining my link to their site. Cartoons often went days without geting posted. It seems that the warbloggers consistent campaign of email harrassment has finally taken its toll over at Times Digital. Because they're annoyed by receiving so many email complaints about my work--all of them motivated by partisan politics--the Times has decided to drop my cartoons entirely."
At first, I thought Rall was merely claiming that recent email campaigns started by warbloggers got him pulled from Times. I was a bit puzzled by that, since there are only so many large warbloggers and I didn't remember any of them encouraging their readers to write the Times. But in his column today, Rall elaborated on his theory...
"The Internet has become the tool of choice for the previously powerless. Email forwarding, hyperlinks and blogs--a genre dominated by right-wingers--allow anyone with a used Gateway computer and a dial-up connection to rally hundreds of likeminded individuals to point and click, instantly firing off fiery letters to the bosses of radio talk show hosts, cartoonists and columnists who offend their sensibilities.
"Here's the feedback form for Yahoo!'s opinion syndicate," a blog called "The Agitator" suggests. "Write and tell them it's time to drop Ted Rall's column." "No paper should ever run Rall again," howls Andrew Sullivan, a Time magazine columnist who also writes the country's most prominent extreme-right blog. "I urge all of our readers to write to the NY Times," urges another hate site. "Here is their Contact page. I wrote to the publisher this morning."
A few liberals try to censor conservatives, but most opponents of the First Amendment reside on the right."
Rall gets a lot of things wrong here. Blogs regrettably aren't dominated by right-wingers, readers asking for a paper to yank an annoying cartoonist are exercising their First Amendment rights, not "censoring" anyone or infringing on their rights, and who in their right mind thinks Sullivan's Daily Dish qualifies as an "extreme-right blog"? These days, Andrew Sullivan spends a good bit of his time agitating for gay marriage, railing against George Bush, and trashing religious conservatives.
But, that's not the main point. The three bloggers Rall identifies as having urged their readers to write emails, Radley Balko at The Agitator (who encouraged his readers to write to Yahoo by the way, not the NYT), Sullivan at the Daily Dish (who didn't encourage his readers to write any emails at all in the post cited), & Charles Johnson at Little Green Footballs (which isn't mentioned by name for some reason) all made their posts back in 2002. Yes, you're reading that right. Apparently, Rall is claiming that emails generated by warbloggers back in 2002 got him fired in 2004 =D.
Now as much as I'd absolutely love to see the right side of the blogosphere take credit for getting Ted Rall fired from the New York Times, I don't think a bunch of year and a half to two year old email from our readers got the NYT to give Ted his pink slip. My suspicion is that Rall is trying to whip up a little email campaign of his own and claiming that "The warbloggers got me fired" will generate a lot more sympathy than "The Times fired me because my cartoons irritated so many of their readers". That's a pathetic maneuver, but it's about Rall's speed...
I've noted before that famous Aussie journalist John Pilger, who has been published at the BBC, LA Times, New York Times, The Guardian, Daily Mirror, & The Sydney Morning Herald among other places, is pro-terrorism. But, Pilger goes so far over the line in this interview that I cannot imagine how any "mainstream" paper in the Western world could continue to publish his material. You might as well publish articles written by members of Hamas or Al-Qaeda as pieces by Pilger. This whole interview is nothing but Pilger trying to legitimize the terrorists who murder coalition troops, Iraqi policemen, and Shias at religious celebrations. Here's a particularly egregious response from Pilger...
TONY JONES:Can you approve in that context the killing of American, British or Australian troops who are in the occupying forces?
JOHN PILGER:Well yes, they're legitimate targets.
They're illegally occupying a country.
And I would have thought from an Iraqi's point of view they are legitimate targets, they'd have to be, sure.
Pilger isn't "dissenting" here, he's simply on the wrong side of the war on terrorism....
After feeling the sting of all the GOP attacks that target his wimpy defense record and his history of trying to slash key defense programs along with the intelligence budget, John Kerry is "cowboying up" to try to compete with President Bush on security issues...
"That status of war led me to find it impossible to suggest I wouldn't want to blow Osama bin Laden's brains out and treat him as an enemy," he said in an interview with the Tribune while visiting the Chicago area for several campaign stops.
"I walked out of the Capitol and said, `We're at war."' said Kerry, a decorated Vietnam veteran. "That was my instant reaction as I looked in the air for another airplane that was heading toward us. I think you destroy the enemy."
"...terrorism is war. And I have always understood the law of justifiable homicide in the context of war--self-defense."
Well, I must admit that's it nice to hear the Democratic candidate for President treating the war on terrorism like what it is -- a war. But, since we're talking about John Kerry here, I'm sure you can guess that there's a hitch. Guess what it is...no seriously, guess...that's right...he's flip-flopping on the war again. Less than 2 months ago Kerry said,
"Under a Kerry administration...the fight against terrorism "will involve the military now and then," but it will be "primarily an intelligence-gathering, law enforcement operation."
"It's a great big manhunt," Kerry explained. "[The Bush] administration has translated that legitimate threat into a completely wrongheaded kind of full-fledged military response."
So are we "at war" or is this "primarily an intelligence-gathering, law enforcement operation"? Does Kerry "think you destroy the enemy" because we're "at war" or was the Bush administration "completely wrongheaded" because of their "full-fledged military response"?
Also, while I heartily approve of blowing Osama Bin Laden's brains out, I can't help but note that John Kerry's position on the death penalty for terrorists has been...let's be generous and say "very fluid" over the years...
"In 2002, according to the Boston Globe, (Kerry) repeatedly argued that he supported the death penalty for terrorists. Yet in an examination of his voting record from 1989 forward, he has voted repeatedly to exempt terrorists from the death penalty and in 1996 in a debate with former Massachusetts Governor William Weld he publicly scorned the idea of executing terrorists."
So does Kerry really want to "blow Osama bin Laden's brains out" and treat the war on terrorism like what it is -- a war -- as opposed to a law enforcement operation? Given his voting record, my guess is "no". Although since Kerry's positions on the war seems to change radically month to month and sometimes even week to week depending on who he's speaking with and what his poll numbers look like, it's hard to really tell.
FDA Denies Politics in Total Ban on Heinz Products By William Grim
Washington, DC — Food and Drug Administration Chairman Dr. Farnsley H. Higginbottom today strongly denied accusations that politics played a role in the recent total ban on all food products made by the Heinz Corporation.
“The FDA is concerned only with objective scientific data,” said Dr. Higginbottom at a hastily called press conference. “The fact that the Heinz Corporation is owned by the wife of the socialist tax-and-spend-liberal traitor Democrat candidate for the presidency who is opposing the God-fearing righteous heroic family-values-oriented George W. Bush played absolutely no role in our conclusion that one Heinz dill pickle contains more fecal matter than a good-sized cow chip. Or that the underage migrant workers held in virtual slavery by the Heinz Corporation regularly urinate on the tomatoes that are used in Heinz ketchup, which incidentally is chock full of the highly carcinogenic red dye No. 2.”
In related news, Democrat presidential candidate John F. Kerry announced today that he and his wife, Patricia Heinz Kerry, have filed for divorce due to irreconcilable financial differences. Campaign spokesmen say that this will in no way endanger Senator Kerry’s “family values” platform because he intends to remarry a much wealthier woman as soon as FBI background checks have been concluded.
If you enjoyed this satire by William Grim, you can read more of his work at Broken Newz.
"John Kerry claimed yesterday that certain "foreign leaders" have told him that they're rooting for him to defeat President Bush.
"I've met foreign leaders who can't go out and say this publicly, but boy, they look at you and say, 'You've got to win this, you've got to beat this guy, we need a new policy,' things like that," Kerry told a crowd while campaigning in Hollywood, Fla."
Boy, I LOVE a mystery, don't you? Who could these mysterious "foreign leaders" be? Could they be Iranian? Perhaps they're from North Korea? According to this press release from Tom Delay, he seems to be guessing these "foreign leaders" are from North Korea & France...
"Kerry's ingenious international campaign for the White House picked up another endorsement just last week, according to the following evidence of growing support for Kerry in Kim Jong Il's regime in North Korea, as reported in the Financial Times:
“Rather than dealing with President George W. Bush and hawkish officials in his administration, Pyongyang seems to hope victory for the Democratic candidate on November 2 would lead to a softening in US policy towards the country's nuclear weapons programme.”
DeLay remarked sullenly: “If he locks up Paris next, he's going to be tough to beat.”
The Dissident Frogman also seems to believe that these "foreign leaders" might be French...
But I have a more important question -- since when did candidates for the Presidency start trumpeting the fact that "foreign leaders" wanted them to win? I thought that sort of sentiment went out of fashion about the time the Revolutionary War started. Maybe Kerry should start getting interested in serving AMERICAN interests instead of sucking up to "foreign leaders" who can't vote and don't have America's best interests at heart.
Senator Flip-Flop On International Eat An Animal For PETA Day
Hey look, Senator Flip-Flop has issued a press release for International Eat An Animal For PETA day which is some holiday I think Meryl Yourish made up...
-- I'll grant you that Jayson Blair isn't the most credible source in the world, but his new book apparently has some VERY JUICY stories about his days at the New York Times. Here are a few excerpts from the WAPO review...
"It was unremarkable, he writes, when "public relations people substituted theater tickets, free meals and drinks and, sometimes, even sex for mentions. Journalists at The Times were considered to have a weak spot for sex. . . ." Blair also depicts his Times colleagues as, literally, his partners in crime. Here for example, is how he describes his role in one Times-ian night on the town: "I spent my night trying to score coke and weed for some of the Times's reporters and editors. . . . I ended up in a housing project on Manhattan's West Side buying coke from a dealer, and supplying it to the assorted group." If what Blair writes is true regarding the ethics of a good number of staff members at the Times, then all the rest of us hard-working, rule-conscious journalists deserve sainthood."
Cokeheads, junkies, and people trading sex for mentions at the NYT? Who'd have thunk it? But here's my favorite part...
"And (Blair) wasn't beyond taking sexual advantage of young, nubile public relations staffers who would do anything to get their clients in the New York Times. In one such set piece, Blair is about to finish helping an eager (and drunken) blonde publicist out of her clothes when she stops to deliver the rather priceless punchline: "Jayson, are we going to get a mention in The Times?" The deal evidently was closed: Blair claims that, after their evening together, he filed several business stories that included positive mentions of the Internet company she represented."
All I can say is, if there are any "nubile public relations staffers who would do anything to get their clients" mentioned on Right Wing News, let's talk about it =D
-- This column about Howard Stern by Richard Blow is one the most illogical pieces of tripe that I've seen this year. Not only does Blow seem to making the case that Clear Channel is somehow violating Stern's freedom of speech by choosing not to carry his radio show -- which is an obnoxious argument -- but this is so bizarre you'd think it was a parody if someone didn't tell you otherwise...
"First Janet Jackson, a black woman, has become the object of the right’s cultural demonization. (Not Justin Timberlake, the pretty white boy.) Now it’s Howard Stern, a Jew. Who’ll be next?"
So, it isn't that Janet Janet showed her breast in front of millions of kids at the Super Bowl half-time, it's that she's BLACK. And the people who have a problem with Stern? They must just hate him because he's a JEW. That's just kooky...
"Haitian President Jean-Bertrand Aristide plans to sue the United States and France for allegedly kidnapping him, one of his lawyers said on Monday."
I have a suggestion. Why don't we pick Aristide up, take him back to Haiti, and drop him off at Port Au Prince? Then we'll just wait a few days for the people of Haiti to give him the Mussolini treatment. After they're done, we'll scoop up what's left of Aristide with a shovel and give him a nice funeral. I think that would settle this whole silly "kidnapping" business once and for all....
-- Monday, the Iraqis signed an interim constitution that guaranteed an impressive array of individual rights to the Iraqi people. There's still a long way to go, but yesterday was truly a historic day not only for the Iraqis, but for the whole Middle-East.
Oh and by the way -- that historic day? The majority of the left had nothing to do with it. To the contrary, if most people on the left had their way, Saddam Hussein and his psychotic kids would still be raping, murdering, and filling mass graves with impunity. That's something people need to be reminded of...
Frank Suggestions For A Running Mate For John F'n Kerry By Frank J.
Since most likely Democratic strategists read IMAO as do all smart important people, I thought I might throw them a bone and help them find a running mate for their haughty, French-looking candidate. Lot's of people are suggesting John Edwards, Democrat governers, and other boring, predictable suggestions. If Democrats want to really energize their base and get young people like me out to vote who consider the ten minutes voitng much better spent playing vidoegames and eating nachos (my age group is dumb; want to fight about it?), they need someone dynamic who doesn't fit the usual mold. Here are my suggestions:
Jo-Jo the Democrat Monkey Occupation: Monkey/Massachusetts State Senator Pros: Really connects with the average Democrat voter by having the same intelligence. Cons: Extremely liberal voting record. Bites.
Mysterio the Masked Democrat Occupation: Unknown Pros: An unnamed Democrat usually does better in the polls than a specific one, so why not have an unnamed Democrat on the ticket. Is he a moderate or a liberal? He's whatever you want him to be. Cons: Probably Bill Clinton trying to sneak into office again.
Ninja X Occupation: Ninja Pros: Ninja flips and rolls make it hard for Republicans to attack him. Cons: Due to ninja stealth, he has low voter visibility.
Hitler Occupation: Genocidal Dictator Pros: People keep comparing Bush to Hitler; well, let's see how he stands up to the real deal. Cons: He's Hitler.
Satan Occupation: Fallen Angel/Lobbyist for Evil Pros: Why go for a watered down Satan like Hillary when you can have the real deal? Cons: Will probably isolate the religious from the Democrats more so than usual. He's also a registered Independent.
Megatron Occupation: Robot in Disguise Pros: Hard to accuse giant, megalomaniacal robot of not being tough enough to fight the war on terror. Won't scare off anti-gun-control blue collar Democrats since he can show his own support of guns by transforming into one. Cons: How does he shrink when he turns into a gun? That doesn't make any sense.
A Wooden Post Occupation: Wooden Post Pros: Lack of voting record makes attacks by Republicans hard. Cons: Too reminiscent of Al Gore.
Michael Moore Occupation: Fat, Smelly, Obnoxious Man Pros: Wacky liberals seem to like him instead of being made nauseous at the sight of him. Hard to imagine but true. Cons: To keep him happy, most of campaign budget will have to be spent on fried cheese.
Saddam Hussein Occupation: P.O.W. Pros: Favorite of the anti-war crowd. Cons: Might go on murdering spree... but you can say that about anyone.
Sauron Occupation: Evil Fiery Eye Pros: Will ensure orc, goblin, and hippy vote. Cons: Though an all seeing eye, by staying up upon a tower he has the reputation of being aloof much like John Kerry.
An M-16 with Grenade Launcher Occupation: Assault Weapon Pros: When it comes time for John Kerry to announce his running mate, he could say, "I liked to introduce my choice of running mate." He could then pull out the M-16 and shout, "SAY HELLO TO MY LEETLE FRIEND!!!" and that would be so cool! Cons: Not really much to this one other than the intro… but it would be so cool!
If you enjoyed this satire by Frank J., you can read more of his work at IMAO.
Just for the heck of it, I'm going to take a suggestion from Glenn Reynolds and Jeff Jarvis and post a pic of my blogging space...
Yes folks, that's where the magic happens -- if by magic you mean hours and hours of typing away like a trained circus monkey for your amusement and edification....
Back in November of 2003, I said the Germans were "off the charts on the wackymeter" because they had 47 MPS who wanted to give children vote from the day they pop out of the womb.
Well apparently the Germans aren't the only wacky ones because there are some California Democrats who want to give kids young as 14 the right to vote...
"Sen. John Vasconcellos, D-Santa Clara, proposed the idea alongside three other lawmakers, saying the Internet, cellular phones, multichannel television and a diverse society makes today's teens better informed than generations of their predecessors.
Coming on the heels of an expected record low turnout among adults in the March 2 election, Vasconcellos would give 16-year-olds a half vote and 14-year-old a quarter vote in state elections beginning in 2006.
The idea, formally called "Training Wheels for Citizenship," first requires two-thirds approval by the Legislature to appear on this November's ballot.
..."When we gave the vote to those who didn't own property, then to women, then to persons of all colors, we added to the richness of our democratic dialogue and our own nation's integrity and its model for the world," he said, calling it time to further extend the vote.
A Republican colleague called it "the nuttiest idea I've ever heard."
Is this what the Democrats have been reduced to? "The Republicans took the governorship! So let's get a bunch of 14 & 16 year olds who know more about Harry Potter than government and history and trick them into voting for us until they get smarten up as they get older and vote Republican."
The reality is that kids who 16 years old or younger have absolutely no business voting. For the most part, they know almost nothing about politics and history, have only had jobs as burger flippers or worse if they've had jobs at all, and have been living on their parent's dime their whole life. Very few kids that age don't have the life experience to go out and vote.
Heck, the average college kid doesn't even have enough of an understanding of politics and life to be voting in my opinion. In fact, I'd support raising the voting age to 21 except that I think it would be wrong to deny a vote to 18 year olds who are willing to risk their lives for our country in the military.
Casting your vote is serious business and it should be treated that way. That's why 16 year old kids shouldn't be voting...
PS: I know there are small numbers of kids and significantly larger numbers of college age kids who are mature and informed enough to vote. But, they are in the minority...by far. So if you are one of those younger "mature and informed" voters, don't take it personally. What I said wasn't aimed at you...
John Kerry Still Doesn't Know Which Way To Go On The Iraqi War
Here we are, almost a year out from the failed March 19, 2003 "decapitation attack" that kicked off the war in Iraq and John Kerry still isn't sure whether the war was worth it or not.
I want you to read this excerpt from an interview Kerry did with Time (which I pirated from The Corner) and ask yourself how any American could feel comfortable with someone this wishy-washy, this indecisive in the White House during a time of crisis...
Time: What would you have done about Iraq had you been the President?
Kerry: If I had been the President, I might have gone to war but not the way the President did. It might have been only because we had exhausted the remedies of inspections, only because we had to—because it was the only way to enforce the disarmament.
Time: But it turns out there was nothing to disarm.
Kerry: Well, if we had kept on inspecting properly and gone through the process appropriately, we might have avoided almost a $200 billion expenditure, the loss of lives and the scorn of the world and the breaking of so many relationships.
Time: Would you say your position on Iraq is a) it was a mistaken war; b) it was a necessary war fought in a bad way; or c) fill in the blank?
Kerry: I think George Bush rushed to war without exhausting the remedies available to him, without exhausting the diplomacy necessary to put the U.S. in the strongest position possible, without pulling together the logistics and the plan to shore up Iraq immediately and effectively.
Time: And you as Commander in Chief would not have made these mistakes but would have gone to war?
Kerry: I didn't say that.
Time: I'm asking.
Kerry: I can't tell you.
Time: Might the war have been avoided?
Kerry: Yes.
Time: Through inspections?
Kerry: It's possible. It's not a certainty, but it's possible. I'm not going to tell you hypothetically when you've reached the point of exhaustion that you have to [use force] and your intelligence is good enough that it tells you you've reached that moment. But I can tell you this: I would have asked a lot of questions they didn't. I would have tried to do a lot of diplomacy they didn't. ...
Time: Obviously it's good that Saddam is out of power. Was bringing him down worth the cost?
Kerry: If there are no weapons of mass destruction— and we may yet find some—then this is a war that was fought on false pretenses, because that was the justification to the American people, to the Congress, to the world, and that was clearly the frame of my vote of consent. I said it as clearly as you can in my speech. I suggested that all the evils of Saddam Hussein alone were not a cause to go to war.
Time: So, if we don't find WMD, the war wasn't worth the costs? That's a yes?
Kerry: No, I think you can still—wait, no. You can't—that's not a fair question, and I'll tell you why. You can wind up successful in transforming Iraq and changing the dynamics, and that may make it worth it, but that doesn't mean [transforming Iraq] was the cause [that provided the] legitimacy to go. You have to have that distinction.
Canada Announces Going Out of Business Sale By Bob From Accounting
Ottawa - After more than 100 years of colonialism, false starts and poorly working heaters, Canada put itself on the auction block Friday, just a week after declaring three branches of its armed forces were bankrupt "and really really cold."
Canadian Prime Minister Paul Martin was saddened by the news, but when it became evident that they didn't qualify to join the European Union because of unfair geography restrictions, leaders of Parliment felt they had no other choice.
"Of course we're European," Martin said. "Just look how we consistently condemn America and then apologize quickly afterwards so we benefit from our close friendship and strong economic ties. If that's not European, I don't know what the hell is."
Being snubbed by Europe was just part of what finally caused Canada to agree to sell. They also have lackluster television programming and recently ran out of winter coats.
Among the countries expected to bid are the United States, Iran, Syria and North Korea . The latter three expressed great interest in exploring the "Great White North" and promised it had nothing to do with their desire to invade "The Great Western Satan."
"Canada seemed like a great idea awhile back," former Prime Minister Jean Chretien lamented. "Beautiful scenery, great fishing and recreation and a never ending supply of ice."
"Who am I kidding? It's the worst, most uninhabitable place on the planet -- and Eskimos are really, really scary."
Included in sale:
1.5 million square miles of real estate. Of that 50 square miles are used..
8,000,000 pairs of ice skates -- Will split up
12 million sleds
50,000 igloos
1 million Eskimo child brides
5,000,000 curling brooms
Too many hockey teams to count
Celine Dion, Keanu Reeves and William Shatner
20 million humans (French sold separately)
If you enjoyed this satire by Bob From Accounting, you can read more of their work here (some humor articles are offensive and use obscene language)."
When the Democratic primaries were hot and heavy, John Kerry dropped the F-bomb in a Rolling Stones interview...
"I voted for what I thought was best for the country. Did I expect Howard Dean to go off to the left and say, 'I'm against everything'? Sure. Did I expect George Bush to f*ck it up as badly as he did? I don't think anybody did."
Then tonight, Drudge pointed out that there are obscenities in some the articles posted on Kerry's website. Here are excerpts from one article...
"Unlike Al Gore, he doesn't pay "fashion consultants" like Naomi Wolf $15,000 a month to doctor his image. John Kerry, in essence, is "not about bullsh*tting you." And, Smith adds, John Kerry, more than any other candidate in the race, has what it takes to win."
"The man behind me is repeatedly yelling "2004" at the top of his lungs. Clinton is visible for perhaps 15 seconds as he works his way down the line toward the limousine waiting at the curb. He has a pig-in-sh*t grin on his face, which makes the laugh lines around his eyes deepen into furrows."
"I join the back of the crowd, which is perhaps seven or eight deep. We wait for 10 minutes. Nothing. Fifteen minutes, still nothing. The crowd grumbles. Where the f*ck is he? Is this worth it? A handful leave, but far more join."
"When Teresa Heinz-Kerry arrived, she handed me a pin that read in the center: “@sses of Evil” with “Bush”, “Cheney”, “Rumsfeld” and “Ashcroft” surrounding it. She met, greeted and talked to a jam-packed room of Kerry supporters and others who came for the MoveOn documentary."
It doesn't show a pic of the pin, but after doing a little research, I believe that's it over on the left. Can you imagine Laura Bush handing out something like that at a campaign event?
I'm not going to pretend that other Presidents, Bush included, don't use salty language in private or that I have tender ears and I'm offended by it, but resorting to this sort of language publicly again and again does show that Mr. and Mrs. Heinz-Kerry are lacking in the class department -- well at least for a couple that wants to occupy the White House. It's not the biggest deal in the world, but I think a bit more decorum might be in order...
"When Teresa Heinz-Kerry arrived, she handed me a pin that read in the center: “@sses of Evil” with “Bush”, “Cheney”, “Rumsfeld” and “Ashcroft” surrounding it. She met, greeted and talked to a jam-packed room of Kerry supporters and others who came for the MoveOn documentary."
