Do you believe Bush was behind 9/11, had Paul Wellstone murdered, and suspect that W. is going to throw all the liberals in deathcamps one day? If so, you're a member of the "tinfoil hat crowd"! But, while your head may be covered with a glorious, aluminum, stetson that will keep out the mind control rays from the "Ashcroft 1 satellite" circling over your house in space, what about your pet? You never thought of that one, did you smart guy? Remember when kitty threw-up on the rug? Bush was probably making her do that with a mind control ray because he wanted to provide a distraction from Haliburton or Enron! Sure that SEEMS implausible...so implausible that it must be THE TRUTH!!!

But, what can you do? There's no way to stop the Bush family evil empire from using their mind control ray on your pet...or IS THERE? Thanks to Ebay, now your precious pet can be protected! That's right, let me introduce you to the hottest new product for all of the Dennis Kucinich supporters out there, "Pet Foil Hat Technology (PFHT)"...

"Technical Jargon:

- Pet Rocks do not need the PFHT since they are immune to brain scans, because they lack brains. That, and you'll confuse the poor pet rock.
- This particular model Foil Hat Technology is good underwater on your fish, or outdoors in the rain.
- Do not attempt to tamper with the PFHT. It has built in "anti-authority" technology which will make it burst into flames upon close inspection by authorities. Please do not put the PFHT in the microwave.
- One size fits all pets, thanks to the adjustable "sizing fold". Do not attempt to adjust the size of your pet's head to fit the PFHT."

Buy them now, before they sell out and the Ashcroft 1 satellite makes kitty pee all over your autographed copy of "'Earth in the Balance'! On the other hand, maybe you could just chuck your stupid cat and get a loyal, lovable, dog, who would never betray you even if he were being influenced with a mind control ray

Something Awful is a brilliant & hillarious humor website (although be forewarned, it's also very crude & obscene). One of the features SA does daily is called the "Awful Link of the Day". In some ways, it's similar to ACPOTI (Anyone Can Post On The Internet), except SA tends to cover a lot of bizarre -- and I mean very bizarre -- sex sites. Well today, one of SA's writers, Zack Parsons, wrote a serious piece about how the internet has helped encourage people with bizarre sexual tastes to get together to their, and our, detriment. Here's the crux of Parsons' article about the dark side of the internet...

"Today we face an epidemic, both hilarious and horrifying, of new and bizarre sexual subcultures forming virtually overnight thanks to the instant global communication of the Internet. Preexisting subcultures like pedophiles and their child porn were previously suppressed by societal constraints, legal constraints, and the general ickiness of being attracted to children that most people possess on an almost genetic level. Today child pornography and pedophilia have grown through the contacts so easily made on the Internet and supportive communities consisting entirely of pedophiles have swollen in size. We covered one such community in an Awful Link of the Day some months ago and despite our best efforts we did little to disrupt it. Worse than that, the commingling of hundreds of divergent philosophies on the Internet has allowed those who seek moral justification for things like being attracted to or even molesting children to find enablers and supporters outside of the breadth of their community.

A sense of belonging and community is disturbing and sad in the hands of furries and downright dangerous in the hands of pedophiles. Nonetheless, this is what the Internet has given to these groups, and it can be both a peril to the members and, in the case of menaces like pedophiles, a peril to the rest of us...."

After hearing about that mother who found it more important to become a "martyr" than take care of her children, I realized that I never appreciated my own mom enough. So, I've written her a poem:

Thank You Mom For Not Blowing Yourself Up
By Frank J.

Mom, you've always been there for me,
Whether with band-aid in hand or bail money.
And though that may not seem like some great feat,
I now appreciate that you never blew up across some street.

And though it angered me you wouldn’t buy me a sugary cereal,
At least you never sought revenge against Israel.
Instead you were there to tuck me in at night,
Not running out the door strapping on dynamite.

Though I did once try to goad you
When I broke a vase and blamed it on a Jew,
But you were too smart for that
And knew the culprit was my bat.

Now I don't remember to call every weekend and take it for granted
That the plight of the Palestinians never made you murderously disenchanted.
I just hope that the relationship between us has not corroded,
So know I love you, Mom, and am glad you're not exploded.

If you enjoyed this poetry by Frank J., you can read more of his work at IMAO.

Do you want to know why we have such a huge budget deficit and why it has proven impossible over the long-term to keep spending under control? It's because of good ideas.

Make no mistake about it, given the depth of the AIDS crisis in Africa, spending 15 billion dollars to help fight AIDS over there is a "good idea".

Also, I believe building a moon base and putting men on mars will lead to all sorts of scientific advances. Certainly, that seems to be a "good idea".

Then there is the Prescription Drug Benefit, spending 1.5 billion to promote marriage, faith based initiatives, giving money to the states to make up for their deficit shortfalls, agriculture subsidies, ever increasing education spending, and thousands and thousands of other pet projects & pork that either the White House or Congress thinks is a "good idea".

Of course, the problem with all these "good ideas" is that they're not free & our government has a limited amount of OUR MONEY to spend on them. Moreover, our government isn't very good at prioritizing, so when they are confronted with several "good ideas" that cost more than we can afford, they spend the money anyway -- whether we have it or not.

Now, you wouldn't think they'd be able to get away with that, would you? But, you have to remember, we're talking about "good ideas" here. If someone proposes a "good idea," there will either be a majority or at least a passionate minority of Americans that support it.

Then once we start funding the "good idea", it's almost impossible to get rid of it. That's because people who like the "good idea" will complain if it's threatened, the media will call any politician who wants to get rid of it "out of touch" or "heartless", and the politicians who support the "good idea" will use it as an election issue.

The problem is that some day, somehow, we're going to run out of money to pay for all these "good ideas". And when I say we're going to "run out of money," I don't mean we're going to be saying,

"Oh, we're just running a $450 billion deficit, no big deal, Reagan proved deficits don't matter."

It's actually going be more like,

"Oh my God! Our checks are bouncing, there's a run on the banks, and we don't even have the money to fund a study on the mating habits of the crested spit sucker!"

Poo-poo that if you like and say, "that can't happen to us," but you're just kidding yourself if you think that. It may not happen next month or next year, heck, it may even take a decade or two for things to get to that point. But, not even the US government can keep spending hundreds of billions of dollars more than it takes in, year, after year, after year, without turning into Argentina at some point down the road.

That's not to say that this isn't a fixable problem -- it certainly is. If we were able to control Federal spending, we could eventually grow our way out of the deficit and pay off our debt over time. But the problem is all those "good ideas". The only -- and I do mean the only -- way to control spending LONG-TERM is to legislatively constrain the government. I'd prefer putting a Balanced Budget or a Tax And Spending Limitation Amendment into place, but I'm open to anything that will get government expenditures under control before we go broke paying for all of these "good ideas".

A few things I wanted to mention that I didn't think merited their own posts...

-- My 5 least favorite Republicans/Libertarians/conservatives: Jerry Falwell, Pat Robertson, Justin Rainmondo, Pat Buchanan, & Paul Craig Roberts.

-- I think the internet and the blogosphere is going to make it much tougher for a candidate to campaign on the left and then move back to the center for the election. I say that because now you have a whole army of citizen journalists doing opposition research, making it accessible online, and taking every opportunity to point it out when the candidates change positions. Bush has already had to endure that scrutiny and didn't face a primary this time, so he's in good shape. But, if a Democrat like Clark or Dean who has campaigned as a raving lefty all through the primary season thinks they're going to get away with pretending to be a centrist when they go head to head with Bush -- like candidates from both parties always have in the past -- they're going to be sadly disappointed.

-- The terrorist quote of the day about the female suicide bomber (and mother of two) who recently blew herself up in Israel...

"She is not going to be the last (attacker) because the march of resistance will continue until the Islamic flag is raised, not only over the minarets of Jerusalem, but over the whole universe." -- Hamas leader Mahmoud Zahar

For those of you who believe Hamas is no threat to the US, take note of "the whole universe" part of that quote.

-- Stanford Professor & popular lefty blogger Lawrence Lessig suggests that developing countries get together and "Hold Hollywood hostage till we kill farm subsidies,"

"A block of powerful developing nations should first take a page from the US Copyright Act of 1790 and enact national laws that explicitly protect their own rights only. It would not protect foreigners. Second, these nations should add a provision that would relax this exemption to the extent that developed nations really opened their borders. If we reduce, for example, the subsidy to agribusiness by 10 percent, then they would permit 10 percent of our copyrights to be enforced (say, copyrights from the period 1923 to 1931). Reduce the subsidy by another 10 percent, then another 10 percent could be enforced. And so on.

The mechanism is clumsy, but the message is clear: Both the subsidy of agribusiness and the subsidy of local culture and science violate the principles of free trade by ignoring American intellectual property laws. Both violations are bad. But the two bads should be resolved together. Indeed, if anything, American subsidies should be ended first."

"Please, foreign countries, get together and screw American businesses. Put Americans out of work, give us what we deserve".

Columns like this are part of the reason why the left always seems to end up on the defensive about their patriotism...

-- For people with an open mind, this should be enough to shoot down the war for oil argument once and for all,

"The first "war for oil" argument was dispatched when, on January 8th, the Wall Street Journal reported that the Bush administration plans to hand over the operation of the Iraqi oil fields to a proposed Iraqi state oil company, modeled after those in Saudi Arabia and Kuwait. Presumably the Iraqis would take full control of the operation perhaps next summer when the new government takes over.

The second argument was severely damaged when SEC documents released November 7th revealed that Halliburton's activities in Iraq for the first three quarters of 2003 yielded just $46 million in operating profits on $1.3 billion in sales, a margin of about 3.5%. (When Cheney took office, Halliburton was trading around $50; in 2002 it traded around $10; it is now trading about $28, tracking approximately with the rest of the stock market the last twelve months."

Former Senator and Ambassador Carol Moseley-Braun will abandon her White House bid so she can help Howard Dean find qualified African-Americans for his presidential cabinet, according to an unnamed party official.

"I know that I can't win this race," said Ms. Braun. "And I also know that in 12 years as governor of Vermont, Howard, despite valiant efforts, was unable to find any qualified black candidates for his cabinet. I know some people, and thought I could better serve the party by lining them up to interview with future-President Dean."

Mr. Dean could not immediately be reached for comment, since he was giving a lecture to educate a group of white people about race.

If you enjoyed this satire by Scott Ott, you can read more of his work at Scrappleface.

I received an email RWN reader David Bernstein which said, "I'm just curious, do you have a reason for liking Bush, or do you just like Bush because he's a republican. If you do have a reason for liking (him), what (is it)?"

Well David, I will admit that George W. Bush sure isn't another Ronald Reagan. In fact, I've been very disappointed with most of Bush's politically motivated, nixonian, domestic agenda. I mean Bush has made no real effort to control spending, he signed campaign finance reform, he supported the bloated farm bill, he was for the outrageously Expensive prescription Drug Reform, & then there's steel tariffs, his lukewarm stand against Affirmative Action, and the godawful immigration reform he's pushing is an abomination.

But, I ask you, out of all those policies I just named, which ones would President Howard Dean or President Wesley Clark have shaped more to my liking? Would either of them cut domestic spending? Not bloody likely. Would they have vetoed campaign finance reform? Of course not. What about the Farm Bill & Prescription Drug Reform? They would have been even bigger & more expensive if we had a Democrat in the White House and he got his way. So why support a Democrat who is going to have a domestic agenda that I will like even less than the one Bush is pushing? The only plus I can think of to having a Democrat in the White House would be that the GOP controlled Congress would block him at every turn. That would be a good thing, because as a general rule, I think "gridlock" beats "government in action" 9 times out of 10 when it comes to the domestic agenda.

On the other hand, there have been a few pluses on the domestic side to having Bush in the White House instead of Democrat. W. did sneak a few standards into his education bill, he blocked partial birth abortions, and he's certainly serious about getting conservative judges on the bench, which is no small thing given that we will probably have a couple of slots opening up on the Supreme Court over the next four years. Bush is also rabid about tax cuts and I feel confident that he's going continue to fight hard to help the taxpayers keep more of their own money, which is something that matters a lot to me.

But, the most important reason to reelect Bush is the war on terrorism. We absolutely cannot afford to ease up on terrorists or terrorist supporting states. Yes, Bush has gotten rid of Taliban and Saddam, Afghanistan & Iraq are slowly but surely moving towards Democracy, we have decimated -- but not destroyed -- Al-Qaeda's leadership, & Quadaffi has given up his WMD. But, there's is so much left to do. We have to finish wiping out Al-Qaeda, regime change in Iran -- by any means necessary -- has to happen, North Korea must be convinced or forced to give up their WMD, and Syria has got to get out of the terrorism business. Now do you think the anti-war on terrorism candidate, Howard Dean, is going to make that happen? Give me a break. What about Wesley Clark? Given how he has changed his position 180% on Iraq, it's obvious that the defense of America is nothing more than a political football to Clark. When the consequences of inaction can be more 9/11s or worse, we can't afford to have a Democrat who treats national security like a joke occupying the White House. This is serious business, not some sort of political game.

So yes, I'm going to be supporting Bush in 2004, even if I disagree with him on a lot of issues. Bush has his faults, but there's no question he's going to be a far better candidate than anyone the Democrats are going to be running.

Because Howard Dean has been the frontrunner, he has drawn most of the attention away from the other candidates. I believe that has helped the Dems #2 candidate, Wesley Clark, quite a bit because he's every bit as controversial and deserving of scorn as Dean is. So, I took it upon myself to put together a list of quotes by and about Clark that I think deserve a bit more attention....

Conspiracy Theories

"We bombed Afghanistan, we missed Osama Bin Laden, partly because the President never intended to put the resources in to get Osama Bin Laden." -- Wesley Clark

"Newsweek Magazine says (Bin Laden) is in the mountains of Western Pakistan. And I guess if Newsweek could find him there, we could, too, if we wanted to" -- Wesley Clark

"I went back through the Pentagon in November 2001, and one of the senior military staff officers had time for a chat. Yes, we were still on track for going against Iraq, he said. But there was more. This was being discussed as part of a five-year campaign plan, he said, and there were a total of seven countries, beginning with Iraq, then Syria, Lebanon, Libya, Iran, Somalia, and Sudan. So, I thought, this is what they mean when they talk about “draining the swamp.” -- Wesley Clark before he backtracked and attributed this to "gossip" and "neoconservative talk".

"I think we're at risk with our democracy. I think we're dealing with the most closed, imperialistic, nastiest administration in living memory. They even put Richard Nixon to shame. They are a threat to what this nation stands for, and we need to get him out of the White House. And we're going to do it." -- Wesley Clark

"The White House actually back in February apparently tried to get me knocked off CNN and they wanted to do this because they were afraid that I would raise issues with their conduct of the war. Apparently they called CNN. I don't have all the proof on this because they didn't call me. I've only heard rumors about it." -- Wesley Clark

"I think (the war in Iraq) was purely political. I think it started with a Republican Party pledge, an effort to embarrass the Clinton administration. It swelled and just grew out of control.” -- Wesley Clark

Wesley Clark: "I think there was an immediate determination right after 9/11 that Saddam Hussein was one of the keys to winning the war on terror...."
Tim Russert: "By who? Who did that?"
Wesley Clark: "Well, it came from the White House, it came from people around the White House. It came from all over. I got a call on 9/11. I was on CNN, and I got a call at my home saying, 'You got to say this is connected. This is state-sponsored terrorism. This has to be connected to Saddam Hussein." -- Clark later backtracked on this story and claimed no one from the White House was involved

Megalomania

"If I'd been president, I would have had Osama bin Laden by this time." -- Wesley Clark

"And if I'm president of the United States, I'm going to take care of the American people. We are not going to have one of these incidents. I think the two greatest lies that have been told in the last three years are: You couldn't have prevented 9/11 and there's another one that's bound to happen." -- Wesley Clark

"Nothing is going to hurt this country - not bioweapons, not a nuclear weapon, not a terrorist strike - there is nothing that can hurt us if we stay united and move together and have a vision for moving to the future the right way." -- Wesley Clark

Military Related

"Absolutely not.” -- Tommy Franks reply when asked if Wesley Clark would make a good President

"I’ve known Wes for a long time. I will tell you the reason he came out of Europe early had to do with integrity and character issues, things that are very near and dear to my heart...Wes won’t get my vote." -- Hugh Shelton, former chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff & Clark's former Boss

"Known by those who've served with him as the 'Ultimate Perfumed Prince,' he's far more comfortable in a drawing room discussing political theories than hunkering down in the trenches where bullets fly and soldiers die. An intellectual in warrior's gear." -- Col. David H. Hackworth

"I am not going to start World War III for you." -- British General Sir Michael Jackson's response to Wesley Clark's order to block a Russian advance towards Pristina airport in Kosovo

"(Wesley Clark) has met with a Serbian general suspected of ordering the deaths of civilians in a campaign of ethnic cleansing even though, State Department officials said, they had advised him not to do so. Lieutenant General Wesley Clark...met Saturday with General Ratko Mladic, who was named a war crimes suspect by a previous secretary of state, Lawrence S. Eagleburger. A spokesman for the Joint Chiefs of Staff said, however, that General Clark ha(d) not been aware of any directions he not meet with General Mladic." -- International Herald Tribune, 9/2/94

"What State Department officials said they found especially disturbing was a photograph of General Clark and General Mladic wearing each other's caps. The picture appeared in several European newspapers...Clark accepted as gifts General Mladic's hat, a bottle of brandy and a pistol." -- International Herald Tribune, 9/2/94

"(T)here was friction between General Clark and myself. And frankly, I think it would be inappropriate for me to comment on his political aspirations. I made a judgment during the time that he was serving as head of NATO, SACEUR, and I felt that the ax, as such, when it fell spoke for itself." -- Defense Secretary William Cohen, 10/7/03

"Army Lt. Gen. Marc Cisneros recalls hearing that Clark was competing against him in 1996 for a four-star position heading the U.S. Southern Command, a job for which the Army was backing Cisneros. Cisneros says Clark 'just outright lied' when confronted, and denied to Cisneros that he was seeking the job, which did go to Clark. 'I worry about his ethical standards regarding honesty and forthrightness,' Cisneros said." -- Nancy Benac, 10/11/03

"I think the greatest condemnation against him, however, came from the chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff when he was a NATO commander. I mean, he was fired as a NATO commander, and when Hugh Shelton said he was fired because of matters of character and integrity, that is a very, very damning statement, which says if that's the case, he's not the right man for president as far as I'm concerned." -- Norman Schwarzkopf

Misc

"I'm not going to be appointing judges who are pro-life." -- Wesley Clark

"Well, first of all, (the Bush tax cuts) were not efficient in terms of stimulating the kind of demand we need to move the economy back into a recovery mode, a strong recovery and a recovery that provides jobs. There are more effective ways of using the resources. Secondly, the tax cuts weren't fair. I mean, the people that need the money and deserve the money are the people who are paying less, not the people who are paying more. I thought this country was founded on a principle of progressive taxation." -- Wesley Clark

"I'll beat the s--- out of them." -- Wesley Clark explains how he would respond if anyone questioned his patriotism or military record.

"How dare this administration make the charge that if you disagree with its policies, you are somehow unpatriotic!" -- Wesley Clark complains about something that never happened

"I don't think it's patriotic to put on a flight suit and prance around on the deck of an aircraft carrier looking for a photo op. We have a president of the United States who did not do his duty to take care of America. If you're patriotic, you do your duty." -- Wesley Clark

"I don't think it was a patriotic war. I think it was a mistake, a strategic mistake, and I think that the president of the United States wasn't patriotic in going after Saddam Hussein. He simply misled America and cost us casualties and killed and injured America's reputation around the world without valid reason for doing so. It's not patriotic; it's wrong." -- Wesley Clark

War Flip-Flops

"I think (Saddam's WMD) will be found. There’s so much intelligence on this." -- Wesley Clark

"I think there are some mass destruction capabilities that are still inside Iraq. I think there's some weapons that have been shipped over the border to Syria. But I don't think we're going to find that their capabilities provided the imminent threat that many feared in this country. So I think it's going to be a tough search, but I think there's stuff there." -- Wesley Clark on 6/15/03

"There's no question that Saddam Hussein is a threat... Yes, he has chemical and biological weapons. He's had those for a long time. But the United States right now is on a very much different defensive posture than we were before September 11th of 2001... He is, as far as we know, actively pursuing nuclear capabilities, though he doesn't have nuclear warheads yet. If he were to acquire nuclear weapons, I think our friends in the region would face greatly increased risks as would we." -- Wesley Clark to Congress on September 26, 2002

"Retired U.S. Army Gen. Wesley Clark said Wednesday he supports a congressional resolution that would give President Bush authority to use military force against Iraq, although he has reservations about the country's move toward war. Clark...endorsed Democrat Katrina Swett in the 2nd District race. He said if she were in Congress this week, he would advise her to vote for the resolution, but only after vigorous debate." -- The Associated Press, 10/9/02

"Certainly there’s a connection between Iraq and Al Qaeda. It doesn’t surprise me at all that they would be talking to Al Qaeda, that there would be some Al Qaeda there or that Saddam Hussein might even be, you know, discussing gee, I wonder since I don’t have any scuds and since the Americans are coming at me, I wonder if I could take advantage of Al Qaeda? How would I do it? Is it worth the risk? What could they do for me?" -- Wesley Clark, 2002

"I think there's no question that, even though we may not have the evidence as Richard (Perle) says, that there have been such contacts (between Iraq and al Qaeda). It' s normal. It's natural. These are a lot of bad actors in the same region together. They are going to bump into each other. They are going to exchange information. They're going to feel each other out and see whether there are opportunities to cooperate. That's inevitable in this region, and I think it's clear that regardless of whether or not such evidence is produced of these connections that Saddam Hussein is a threat." -- Wesley Clark to Congress on September 26, 2002

"Can anything be more moving than the joyous throngs swarming the streets of Baghdad? Memories of the fall of the Berlin Wall, and the defeat of Milosevic in Belgrade flood back. Statues and images of Saddam are smashed and defiled...President Bush and Tony Blair should be proud of their resolve in the face of so much doubt. And especially Mr. Blair, who skillfully managed tough internal politics, an incredibly powerful and sometimes almost irrationally resolute ally, and concerns within Europe. Their opponents, those who questioned the necessity or wisdom of the operation, are temporarily silent, but probably unconvinced." -- Wesley Clark in a London Times editorial on 4/10/03

"At the time, I probably would have voted (to give Bush authorization to go to war), but I think that's too simple a question." -- Wesley Clark before he backtracked on this the next day

"I think I've been very consistent...I've been against this war from the beginning. I was against it last summer, I was against it in the fall, I was against it in the winter, I was against it in the spring. And I'm against it now." -- Fox News/Congressional Black Caucus Democrat Candidate Debate, 10/26/03

Wesley Clark (R)

"It may come as a surprise to some of his supporters, but Democratic Presidential candidate Wesley K. Clark still hasn't joined the Democratic Party. According to the Pulaski County (Ark.) Voter Registrar's office, the former four-star general remains a registered independent. Even though he has been a declared candidate for the Dem nomination for two weeks now, he has yet to officially change his party affiliation." -- October 1, Businessweek

"And I'm very glad we've got the great team in office, men like Colin Powell, Don Rumsfeld, Dick Cheney, Condoleezza Rice... people I know very well - our president George W. Bush. We need them there." -- Wesley Clark, May 11, 2001

"(A)t a conference in Switzerland, (Wesley Clark) happened to chat with two prominent Republicans, Colorado Gov. Bill Owens and Marc Holtzman, now president of the University of Denver. 'I would have been a Republican,' Clark told them, 'if Karl Rove had returned my phone calls.'" -- Newsweek, 9/29/03. Clark claimed he was joking, Holtzman says he wasn't

"President George Bush had the courage and the vision... and we will always be grateful to President George Bush for that tremendous leadership and statesmanship." -- Wesley Clark, May 11, 2001

"We were really helped when President Ronald Reagan came in. I remember non-commissioned officers who were going to retire and they re-enlisted because they believed in President Reagan. That's the kind of President Ronald Reagan was. He helped our country win the Cold War. He put it behind us in a way no one ever believed would be possible. He was truly a great American leader. And those of us in the Armed Forces loved him, respected him, and tremendously admired him for his great leadership." -- Wesley Clark, May 11, 2001

NGLOCOKTAN, SUBTERRAIN VOLGATH – Broadcast marketing analysts at Xanthro, Inc. reported an overnight ratings bonanza for the widely anticipated landing of the Exploration Rover Spirit, dispatched from Earth only two and one half maxi-Kline solar revolutions ago. The Rover, which was detected inbound for the Upper Reaches Northern Division early in its journey, landed safely as nearly 730 million Marsonites viewed from the comfort of their chambers in the Subterrain.

“This it it?” asked a disappointed Mister Haklxx. “I expected more from the planet that created taxes and fluffy nougat.”

“I found it disturbingly anti-climactic,” said Mistress Hanna Jovad. “Thirteen of my offspring hurled themselves into the Deep Fire Canyon in fear of this visitation -- for this child’s toy?”

Planetary Council representative Tagan Dofut (Z-LO) lamented the recent elevation of the Marsonic Invasion Alert System (MIAS) to level “orange” for “imminent”, and demanded someone accept responsibility for the ensuing panic.

“Not since the appearance of the beastly Earthonite ‘Rodham’ captured by our broadcast systems has the level been designated ‘orange’”, began Dofut. “Now that it has been neutralized by the Earth-American ‘Republicans’, it is not but a ghastly recollection. This episode, however, shall be one of great shame to my colleagues. I demand executions.”

The Spirit Rover plopped down gently earlier this week and proceeded to unfurl a flag of white stars surrounded by red and white stripes, representing the American region. As Marsonite vaporization units waited for signs of hostility, the vehicle proceeded to make image records of a lifeless expanse hastily assembled by military personnel familiar with the last encroachment of Earth some 62 maxi-Kline solar revolutions ago.

“Thousands upon thousand of earth miles were reconstructed to reflect a wasted expanse,” boasted Margy Plip Z-3, spokesonite for the Department of Galactic Deception. “We are confident this will be the last attempt of these annoying dunderheads to find something of value here.”

In a similar episode, the Beagle 2, from Earth-Europe, met an unexpected fate after landing in the organism patch of Mister Latak Deenon, who promptly disengaged its communications unit before images could be conveyed. The Beagle 2 is currently up for auction as an “extraordinary” conversation piece.

In related news, Marsonites were treated to a rare glimpse of comedy from Earth-America. The transmission, entitled “Democratic Debates 2004”, featured an array of Earthonite characters sharing amusing conversation. Viewer favorites included the squat, ugly “Doctor Dean”, the lanky dimwit “Kerry”, and the newest Marsonite heartthrob, “Sharpton”. The program wittingly purports to bear heavily on leadership assignments in America (who in reality is led by the genius “Bush”), and rated highly with children.

If you enjoyed this satire by Dirk McQuickly, you can read more of his work at Broken Newz.

John Kerry has been surging in Iowa. In fact, he has moved so far, so fast, that he's now in a statistical tie with Howard Dean & Dick Gephardt for the lead (Dean 24%, Kerry & Gephardt 21%, & a 4.5% margin of error).

Some people may believe that Kerry's campaign took off because of advertising or endorsements, but I think there may be a more sinister explanation =D...

Thanks to Happy Dog at Broken Newz for creating that pic.

Democratic Underground poster ThomWV explains his strategy for the 2004 election -- lie, lie, lie!!!

ThomWV: "I live in West Virginia. At least in this rural area I am certain that the major perception causing so very many of these good Democrats to have voted for the chimp in 2000 was that 'Gore wants to take our guns'. It was on everyone's lips in the runup to the election. It was utter nonsense of course, but it was the perception

So, am I dead wrong in doing this? How about just a little bit wrong? How about right on the money and I should keep on doing it? What do you think?"

Now surely, no one else at the Democratic Underground thought it was a good idea to lie about Republican positions right? Of course, those of you familiar with the Democratic Underground know the correct answer to that one...

ima_sinnic: "I feel it is all right. first of all, subtlety is wasted on many ordinary people. but mainly, though the details you provide may not be exactly fulfilled, the general spirit of what you describe is deadly accurate. you are in effect making a parable.

another fact you might want to add, without the slightest guilt, is that under a second go-round of BushCo they can expect a military draft to be enacted."

Yes, by lying you are in effect "making a parable". That's an interesting way of looking at it huh?

In the end, 3 Duers thought it was OK to lie and 2 said it was a bad idea. Those may not seem to be the best numbers in the world, but if we could get Wesley Clark or Howard Dean to tell the truth about George Bush 40% of the time, it would be a big improvement.

I received an email from 15 year high school student named Sam Burke who is a bit perplexed about how to counter the arguments of moonbats he runs into in high school. He describes some of the things they debate and then goes on to say,

So by now we're insulting each other's parties, pointing out the evils of each other, until those dreaded words escape my enemy's lips: "Well...Bush is some communist Nazi bent on conquering the world for his own evil schemes!"

I believe you can deliver."

Regrettably Sam, when you're speaking to someone who's so far gone that they believe "Bush is some communist Nazi bent on conquering the world for his own evil schemes," I just don't think that there is much you're going to be able to do or say to get them to see the truth. Personally, I wouldn't even bother to try.

Now, knowing conservatives as I do, I'm guessing that a lot of the people reading this, find that to be an unsatisfactory answer. I can just hear the comments now, "Come on Hawkins! There has to be some argument you can make, some way you can come at this guy to make him see that he's wrong. I mean there's just no evidence that Bush is 'communist Nazi bent on conquering the world'."

But that's just it; it's not about arguments, evidence, or logic with these people. I mean think about it; how could a rational, logical, person be convinced that Bush is another Hitler, wants to conquer the world, plans to stick liberals in camps, is going to turn the US into a dictatorship, or any of the other crazy things we hear far too often on the left these days? Logic has nothing to do with it, so trying to convince them with logic is pointless.

In my experience, most (but not all) of these people either have a Chomskyesque world view (i.e. America is the root of all evil) or they believe that conservatives are the root of all evil in America. Once they accept that basic premise, everything else falls into place from there. Just think about it....

If the people in power / conservatives aren't just people with different views, if they're actually greedy, selfish, and yes, even evil, then is it not a given that Bush is also evil? Would you put it past a man who was truly evil to try to conquer the world or stick liberals in camps one day? No, of course not, because that's the sort of thing evil people do. That blanket assumption of evil is why they always assume the worst about Bush in particular & America/Republicans in general.

Now, how are you going to be convince someone who has that sort of world view that, "Bush (isn't) some communist Nazi bent on conquering the world for his own evil schemes"? You're not going to be able to do it, no matter what you say to them, because in order to turn them around, you'd have to change the whole way that they perceive the world. That's why I think you're just figuratively slamming your head into a wall trying wake these people up. It's just very unlikely that it's going to happen.

If you believe -- as I do -- that a lot of Democrats oppose things Bush does for no other reason than because Bush is the one proposing them, I think you'll find these poll numbers to be quite revealing...

"President Bush's plan to build a space station on the moon and eventually send astronauts to Mars hasn't grabbed the public's imagination, an Associated Press poll suggests.

Some have suggested that space exploration could be expanded more inexpensively using robots instead of human astronauts to explore the moon or other planets. The AP-Ipsos poll indicated that option was popular, with 57 percent favoring exploring the moon and Mars with robots and 38 percent saying humans."

So with Democrats, just using the words "Bush administration" instead of "the United States" causes the numbers to jump from "(j)ust over half" to "2-to-1". Plus, you have to consider that a lot of Democrats already knew this was a "Bush administration" plan since it has been making news of late. How many of them opposed the plan simply because they knew Bush proposed it? 10%, 20%, 30% -- more?

Remember these numbers when Democrats on the campaign trail claim Bush is being "divisive". I actually think Bush has made a real effort to be a "uniter, not a divider," but there's very little Bush can do to make headway with people who are going to reflexively oppose him at every turn.

Hat tip to RWN reader Mike Newhall for sending this link to me.

What should we remember on Martin Luther King Day? In his "I Have a Dream" speech Dr. King said: "I have a dream that my four children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character."

This statement means that in judging other men, skin color should be ignored--that it should not be a factor in evaluating their competence or moral stature. It follows that skin color should not be a factor in taking actions toward other people, e.g., hiring and admitting to universities. What has happened in the years following King's murder is the opposite of the "I Have a Dream" quote above. Colorblindness now has been replaced with color preference in the form of affirmative action. No amount of rationalizing can disguise the fact that affirmative action involves implicit or explicit racial quotas, i.e., racism. (Cont)

"Today marks President Dean's first one hundred days in office, and it certainly has been an interesting time," Wolf Blitzer commented.

"And to think that no one thought he could win the presidency against George W. Bush with the economy so strong and the War on Terror doing so well," Paula Zahn remarked.

"It has been analyzed to death by now," Wolf responded, "and most say the factors that lead to Bush's downfall and Dean's rise to power are quite numerous. One would be that people started to lose trust in Bush after Paul O'Neill said that Bush had planned the attack on Iraq even before 9/11."

"Even before his presidency," Paula added.

"Yes. It was found that he had mapped out plans for an invasion of Iraq in a third grade book report on Charlotte's Web."

"And he didn't get a good grade on that book report, did he?" Paula asked.

"No. He didn't," Wolf confirmed, "The plans for a war with Iraq was a bit of a non sequitur and didn't expand on the relationship between the spider Charlotte and the pig Wilbur... which most pundits think is what the teacher was looking for."

"And then there was the lost campaigning time."

"True," Wolf said, "He lost two months of campaigning when he got his head stuck in the banister of the White House stairway."

"Laura always warned him about playing on the stairway," Paula commented.

"That's what she said."

"And, I guess another factor was the loss of any positive coverage of the Bush candidacy upon the destruction of Fox News."

"Quite a boon for us," Wolf chuckled. "It was quite a surprise, though, when Bill O'Reilly's unchecked ego grew so large that it actually gained mass, finally becoming so immense that it collapsed upon itself and pulled all of Fox News into a black hole. Thus, only our liberal slant was left to 'inform' the American public."

"And we can admit that we're liberal now that we have no real competitor," Paula smiled.

"Hence our new slogan: 'We control what you know, and thus we control what you think.'"

"You are being brainwashed by CNN," Paula said, imitating James Earl Jones's deep voice. Both then chuckled for a few moments until breaking down into full out maniacal laughter.

"Back to what we were talking about," Paula remarked, wiping away tears, "the final factor that probably brought Dean over the top was the mysterious addition of LSD to America's water supply."

"Yes, most experts think that’s what finally moved a bunch of the undecided to pull the lever - or pull whatever their drug-addled minds thought they were pulling - for Howard Dean."

"And it certainly was an awkward transition," Paula stated.

"Yes. Dick Cheney had yet another heart attack upon hearing that Howard Dean had won the election. Donald Rumsfeld fought back violently and had to be tranquilized before being removed from office. And Condoleezza Rice mysteriously disappeared... presumably into some secret underground lair to plot revenge."

"And President Dean's first action in office was quite controversial."

"It sure was," Wolf replied. "His withdrawing of all troops from Iraq and reinstating Saddam as leader caused quite a stir, but he said it was the moral choice since the war was wrong in the first place. And now Saddam has vowed to make his previous mass graves look well... less mass in comparison to his new murder spree of his own citizens."

"It's great to see he's still got spirit after the loss of his two sons," Paula commented.

"Another controversial action was his repeal of the Bush tax cuts."

"Apparently some selfish people don't like paying taxes," Paula said.

"Selfish, selfish people, Paula," Wolf answered. "But now, to mark his hundred days in office, he is going to broker a peace deal between the Israelis and Palestinians. Let's go there live."

They both sat their silently for a moment. "Apparently we don't have a live feed," Wolf said, "Well, let's just go to a commercial. Those pay more."

* * * *

"If you want peace, you'll have to make some concessions," President Howard Dean told the Israelis. "You have to honor the Palestinian cultural tradition, and part of that tradition is killing Jews."

"Joooos!" shouted the Palestinian negotiator.

"Now, the Palestinians will agree to a Jew-killing limit each month," Dean explained, "and, as long as they don't exceed that limit by a large margin, you can't attack back."

Sharon looked defeated. "I guess we have no option since you threaten to withdraw all U.S. support and sell arms to the Palestinians if we don't comply." Sharon was about to sign the agreement, but then he noticed a strange clause. "What this about a bike path through Jerusalem?"

"What? We didn't agree to that either?" the Palestinian negotiator exclaimed.

"I didn't think either of you would mind," Dean said, a little stunned by the objection, "It's a great place for a bike path."

"Not through the holy land!" Sharon yelled.

"We won't let this happen either," said the Palestinian.

"Not another religious objection to a bike path!" Dean screamed. He then grabbed the peace proposal and ripped it in two. "No bike path, no peace!"

* * * *

Dean stared out the window of Air Force One. "Nuke them. Nuke them both."

"But we'll kill millions of innocent people!" Dean's Chief of Staff exclaimed.

"Any being that would oppose a bike path is not a person in my eyes!" Dean said adamantly.

"But the rest of the world will object!"

"Then nuke them as well!" Dean shouted. "Nuke any country that opposes my bike path!"

His Chief of Staff recoiled in horror. "You're insane!"

Dean pulled out a gun and shot the man through the face. "Do not question me or my bike paths!" he screamed at everyone on the plane, the veins bulging out the side of his neck. "Now nuke them! NUKE THEM ALL! SOON ALL THE WORLD WILL BE MY BIKE PATH! MUH HA HA HA!"

* * * *

May 3, 2005

Hello to whom I estimate to be my eight surviving readers. The Bike Path War did not last long. When the U.S. sent nukes at Israel and the Palestinians, it also preemptively attacked Europe and Asia. All nuclear countries quickly responded. France nuked itself to try and preempt any attacks against them. North Korea launched its entire arsenal, some having enough range to even reach outside of its own borders. Other countries were more accurate, and now the entire world lies in ruins. The last image I saw before television went out was of Howard Dean, an insane smile on his face as he peddled over the smoldering ruins of the former world. D@mn his eyes!

Most of the internet, and, more importantly, the blogosphere has been destroyed, only my blog and Instapundit still remain. Since there are no news feeds to read, Instapundit consists solely of empty quotes followed by either "Heh" or "Indeed". Glenn Reynolds has gone mad, I tell you, mad! And that's not just sour grapes because he still gets twenty times the hits I do.

Sorry to not be too funny today, but I'm in quite a dour mood after I had to use the last of my shotgun shells to fend off radioactive monkeys from the bag of oranges I found. I live like Mad Max now, scavenging the remains of the former world just to survive - except I drive a silver Hyundai Accent and I didn't have the heart to cut one arm off my leather jacket. It's been a while since I've seen another normal human being. As predicted, the main survivors of the nuclear attack were cockroaches, monkeys, and ninjas. Also, hardcore Dean supporters roam the streets like zombies, wearing black robes and eating the skin of any one they capture. How they remained so unchanged by the nuclear blast, I do not know.

What should have been obvious at the election of Dean is now punctuated by the scratching of the monkeys of my door and the moans of the Dean supporters wandering the streets: God has forsaken us... if He existed in the first place.

What is real is the .45 automatic that sits on my lap. I live now but to survive, but I know I can't last much longer. The human race is destined to die, but, if I have any say, we will not go out with a whimper. I vow not to give up the ghost until I am out of ammo and my gun is beaten to pieces against those d@mnable monkeys' heads.

And, if I’m alive tomorrow, expect a hilarious Know Thy Enemy: Radioactive Monkeys followed by some Frank Answers™.

D@mn! The door has given way!

WHY HATH THOU FORSAKEN ME!!!

* * * *

"Hey, Gabriel, you got to see this!" God commandeth.

"Why? What?" questioned the angel Gabriel.

"I've almost finished my new universe," sayeth the Lord, "This one has seven spatial dimensions and two temporal. This should solve all the parking problems in my previous universes. It's totally sweet."

"That's great," answered the angel Gabriel, "but you should check your answering machine. It's filled with prayers from Earth."

"D'oheth!" spoke the Lord, slapping his omnipotent forehead, "I was so absorbed in making this new universe I totally flaked out and forgot all about Earth. So... uh... anything interesting happen there?"

If you enjoyed this satire by Frank J., you can read more of his work at IMAO.

There are three myths about illegal immigration that I've seen repeated numerous times of late during debate of Bush's disastrous new immigration reform policy. Even some of the people who are against Bush's reform have been accepting these myths as fact and I thought it was about time somebody set the record straight...so naturally, I decided to take up the challenge.

Myth #1) There's no way to get rid of the 8-12 million illegal aliens who are already here so we might as well give them some sort of legal status: What a load of tommyrot that is. Getting rid of the majority of illegal aliens who are already here is actually fairly EASY.

Now, why do I say that? Because the illegals aren't coming here to see the Grand Canyon or because they like the climate, most of them want to get WORK. So, if we get serious about enforcing the law, lay down a few massive fines or better yet, put a few flagrant violators who knowingly hire large numbers of illegals in jail, and that's all it'll take to get the rest of the business owners in line. If you crack down on the people who are employing the illegals, the jobs will dry up, and most illegal aliens will self-deport. That's just common sense.

Myth #2) If we actually got rid of the illegal aliens who are here, the economy would take a major hit: I don't buy that for a second. First off, while illegals make up 3-4% of the work force, the unemployment rate is currently 5.7%. So for every job currently held by an illegal alien, there is an out of work American who can fill it. Now some people will tell you that Americans "won't do those jobs," or that rising wages in those positions would cause huge price increases, but as Mark Krikorian points out...

"If the supply of foreign workers were to dry up (say, through actually enforcing the immigration law, for starters), employers would respond to this new, tighter, labor market in two ways. One, they would offer higher wages, increased benefits, and improved working conditions, so as to recruit and retain people from the remaining pool of workers. At the same time, the same employers would look for ways to eliminate some of the jobs they now are having trouble filling. The result would be a new equilibrium, with blue-collar workers making somewhat better money, but each one of those workers being more productive.

Many people fear the first part of such a response, claiming that prices for fruits and vegetables would skyrocket, fueling inflation. But since all unskilled labor — from Americans and foreigners, in all industries — accounts for such a small part of our economy, perhaps four percent of GDP, we can tighten the labor market without any fear of sparking meaningful inflation. Agricultural economist Philip Martin has pointed out that labor accounts for only about ten percent of the retail price of a head of lettuce, for instance, so even doubling the wages of pickers would have little noticeable effect on consumers."

Even if you didn't buy into what Krikorian is saying despite the fact that it's little more than economics 101 in action, we could always implement the "guest worker program" in Bush's reform and bring workers in legally. One way or the other, we can fill those positions.

On top of that, you have to consider how much money we spend dealing with crimes committed by illegals, educating kids who shouldn't be in America to begin with, health care bills for non-citizens, and government assistance that goes to a staggering 25% of all illegal aliens.

In any case, claiming that cracking down on illegals would hurt the economy just doesn't hold water.

Myth #3) Our borders are just too vast to be properly guarded so there's no way we can stop illegals from pouring in. Oh please, how can anyone believe this? As Tom Tancredo pointed out in my interview with him,

"The marines did a little (exercise) just North of Idaho. One Hundred marines with three drones and two radar stations controlled 100 miles of the most rugged border you ever saw in your life. While I was there, just one week-end while I was there, they intercepted four people coming across on ATVs carrying four hundred pounds of drugs, we got a light plane trying to come in under the radar, and so it can happen. We can control our borders, we just choose not too."

Folks, If we allot the proper amount of manpower to the job, put fences & watchtowers in certain spots, set-up radar stations, use predators, and aggressively enforce our laws, we can reduce the number of people sneaking across our borders from a flood to a trickle at worst.

Heck, if we were to implement some other common sense legal reforms like cracking down on employers who hire illegals, tossing "coyotes" who bring illegals across the border in jail for a decade or so, and making anyone caught trying to sneak across the border permanently ineligible to get a guest worker pass or to become a US citizen, we'd discourage most people from even trying to enter the country illegally in the first place. As an added bonus, we'd make life immeasurably harder for terrorists and drug runners in the process.

So don't let anyone snow you, we have the means to effectively deal with illegal immigration -- we just don't have the will.

We all know that a lot of illegal aliens get paid off the books and therefore don't pay income tax. It's also a given that many illegals are leeches who use our social services, schools, and hospitals without paying for them. But folks, even I had no idea of how much crime was being committed by illegal aliens. However, this column by Heather Mac Donald, which I would call the must read column of 2004 so far, is full of crime statistics & information about how our law enforcement officers are prevented from doing their jobs. Here are some excerpts from Mac Donald's piece that are going to blow your minds...

"Some of the most violent criminals at large today are illegal aliens. Yet in cities where the crime these aliens commit is highest, the police cannot use the most obvious tool to apprehend them: their immigration status. In Los Angeles, for example, dozens of members of a ruthless Salvadoran prison gang have sneaked back into town after having been deported for such crimes as murder, assault with a deadly weapon, and drug trafficking. Police officers know who they are and know that their mere presence in the country is a felony. Yet should a cop arrest an illegal gangbanger for felonious reentry, it is he who will be treated as a criminal, for violating the LAPD’s rule against enforcing immigration law.

For the sake of immigrants and native-born Americans alike, it’s time to decide what our immigration policy is—and enforce it."

Near the Iraqi-Syrian border: The CIA, in conjunction with the Iraqi Police (IP), seized a shipment of Palestinian stones yesterday as it came over the Syrian border into Iraq. The stones, which were in barrels marked "baby milk," were intended to be funneled to Iraqi insurgents, said a top IP commander.

Col. Lincoln Anderson, leader of the 101st Airborne which helped to intercept the stones, claimed that the seizure was a "major blow" to the Iraqi insurgents. "The Sunni Triangle is a relatively flat, stone-less place," he explained at a press conference following the raid," so the insurgents there had to resort to throwing blown-out tire parts, tin cans, and dead cats. None of those things could do half the damage of a well-thrown stone."

Col. Anderson gave a detailed explanation of the seized shipment: "The majority of stones are sharp, pointy ones, which could easily put an eye out. There was also a good amount of rounded, weighty ones, which could cause severe bruising if thrown from point-blank range. Surprisingly, there was a not-insignificant number of skipping stones [small, rounded, light stones], the exact purpose of which is unknown, given that there is virtually no skipable water in Iraq. These stones fall into the 'unknown unknowns' that Defense Secretary Rumsfeld spoke about, and have us most worried." When asked to speculate on the possible uses of skipping stones in war, Anderson said, "at this point, all I can say is that the Army Corps of Engineers is testing whether the stones may skip across sand, like water, and were thus intended to stealthily strike the shins of coalition soldiers."

The stone seizure has caused a diplomatic furor. President Bush took to the airwaves and announced that, "the seizure of rocks proves beyond a doubt that there is a connection between Palestinian and Iraqi terrorists. The excellent work of American intelligence establishment and the Iraqi Police ensures that coalition soldiers will not endure put-out eyes, bruises, and possibly crippled shins. The Iraqi insurgents' days are numbered, and their now stone-less-ness will only hasten their demise."

Yasser Arafat, in a speech in English later that day, claimed that he had no knowledge of the shipment of stones, and was against the throwing of stones at coalition soldiers. However, later that day he gave a speech in Arabic on Palestinian television, in which most observers claim that he made a veiled reference to the shipment when he said that, "they will never take the stones that swing between our legs."

Dominique de Villepin, the French ambassador to the United Nations, stated in a press conference that, "the French are unequivocally against the seizure of stones that fairly belong to the Iraqi people." He added that, "stones have many other uses besides throwing. They can be used to build houses, as a decorative element in fish tanks, or to line a walkway. There is no proof that these stones were intended to be thrown." When asked to explain the presence of skipping stones in the seized shipment, the French Ambassador said that, "it's not impossible to skip a stone across a river, you know? Maybe they were going to skip stones across the Euphrates, okay?"

Donald Rumsfeld then released a statement that, "while it may be possible to skip stones across a river, that makes little sense compared to the fun of skipping stones across a placid lake, which produces a nice ripple effect. There are no placid lakes in Iraq. Clearly the skipping stones were intended for something other than skipping, and it is the task of the United States to determine what that intent was. Again, we will have to do this without the French."

Kofi Annan, the Secretary General of the United Nations, agreed to hold a multinational forum on whether one could skip rocks across a river. Pending the outcome of that, he will then introduce a resolution denouncing either the "Palestinian's attempt to arm the Iraqi insurgents or America's possible misappropriation of Iraqi skipping rocks or decorative elements in aquaria." The forum is expected to begin to take shape in September 2009.

It is thought that the stones will remain under coalition authority and eventually be transferred to the Iraqi Governing Council.

If you enjoyed this satire by Robert Krupto, you can read more of his work at Broken Newz.

I'm not going to spend too much time talking about Paul O'Neill's latest accusations against the Bush administration, because quite frankly, I consider them to be little more than sour grapes from a crybaby whose big ego couldn't take the indignity of being fired. But, I did want to address a couple of claims that are getting a lot of press.

First off, O'Neill claimed that he never saw any evidence of WMD,

"In the 23 months I was there, I never saw anything that I would characterize as evidence of weapons of mass destruction. There were allegations and assertions by people."

Well, I'd say that's not terribly surprising given that he was the Treasury Secretary, not the head of the CIA or the Secretary of Defense. As Time quoted "a top Administration official" as saying,

"That information was on a need- to-know basis. He wouldn't have been in a position to see it."

Of course, he wouldn't "have been in a position to see it". O'Neil knows that too, but you don't get people to pay attention to your book by alleging the President spent too much time listening to what you had to say and not enough time asking questions.

Then there's this "startling revelation"....

"And what happened at President Bush's very first National Security Council meeting is one of O'Neill's most startling revelations.

And that came up at this first meeting, says O’Neill, who adds that the discussion of Iraq continued at the next National Security Council meeting two days later."

Paul O'Neill, the book's author Ron Suskind, and all the other people in the know who are trying to act as if this is some sort of surprise should be ashamed of themselves for trying to mislead the public about the significance of this.

The implication here is supposed to be that the Bush administration planned to get rid of Saddam no matter what and just used 9/11 as an excuse. But, in reality, regime change in Iraq has been the official policy of the United States government since the Clinton administration. Furthermore, as Glenn Reynolds points out, George Bush openly said that he wanted to get rid of Saddam during the Presidential debates,

MR. LEHRER: With Saddam Hussein, you mean?

GOV. BUSH: Yes, and --

MR. LEHRER: You could get him out of there?

GOV. BUSH: I'd like to, of course, and I presume this administration would as well.

So to present this as "new" and "startling" information really shows how far O'Neil and for the matter the media covering this book are willing to go to try to stick it to Bush.

Oh...and how much chutzpah does it take to call a snarky hit piece on your former employer, "The Price of Loyalty"? It's like Jenna Jamison writing a book called "The Price of Celibacy" or Jayson Blair writing "The Price of Honesty". In any case, that's enough of Paul O'Neil's petty complaints. I don't think they're going to get much more traction anyway...

Here are some of my favorite quotes by and about Howard Dean so far. They go from outrageous to contradictory, grating to bizarre. I think when you look at them as a whole, you'll find they paint an unflattering picture...

Foreign Policy

"The Soviet Union is supplying much of the equipment that Iran, I believe, most likely is using to set itself along the path of developing nuclear weapons. We need to use that leverage with the Soviet Union and it may require us to buying the equipment the Soviet Union was ultimately going to sell to Iran to prevent Iran from them developing nuclear weapons. That is also a country that must not be allowed to develop nuclear weapons much the key to all this is foresight. Let’s act now so we don’t have to have a confrontation which may result in force, which would be very disastrous in the case of North Korea and might be disastrous in the case of Iran." -- Howard Dean in a 2003 interview with Chris Matthews

"The French will always do exactly the opposite on what the United States wants regardless of what happens, so we're never going to have a consistent policy." -- Howard Dean in 1998

"I don’t think we could have built an international coalition to invade or have a substantial bombing of Saddam." -- Howard Dean Defends Bill Clinton bombing Saddam in 1998

"I thank God F.D.R. was my commander in chief in WWII. Had it been Howard Dean we would have not participated. This would have saved lives and none of us would have been wounded. Just one little problem: we would have lost our liberty and freedom." -- Bob Dole

Iraq

"We got rid of him. I suppose that's a good thing." -- Howard Dean on Saddam

(When asked if the Iraqis were better off without Saddam Hussein) "We don’t know that yet." -- Howard Dean

"I think in general the ends do not justify the means." -- Howard Dean after we blew away Uday & Qusay Hussein

The capture of Saddam has not made America safer." -- Howard Dean

Losing & McGovern

"This 'security mom' thing is real. Women are even more hawkish than men. Until you can convince the voters that you, too, can keep the country safe, you don't get heard on the other stuff." Can Dean beat Bush? "Absolutely impossible." -- Jim Jordan, John Kerry's Campaign Manager

"A Dean nomination could again [mean] Democrats lose 49 out of 50 states." -- Mark Penn, Lieberman's pollster

""I told Steve McMahon, the media guy for Dean, who was on 'Crossfire': You have one of the three most influential presidential campaigns of my lifetime. That's the good news. The bad news is the other two are McGovern and Goldwater." -- James Carville

Misc

(9/11 & the aftermath will) “require a re-evaluation of the importance of some of our specific civil liberties. I think there are going to be debates about what can be said where, what can be printed where, what kind of freedom of movement people have and whether it's OK for a policeman to ask for your ID just because you're walking down the street." -- Howard Dean in Sepember of 2001

"[I]t was in many ways the most important event in my political life.' -- Howard Dean on Vermont's Civil Unions Law

"You cannot balance the budget and tell people you’re going to keep all these tax cuts. I am going to balance the budget, and I’m going to do it in the sixth or seventh year of my administration. We’re also going to have health care… (Crowd laughs) -- Howard Dean at a Democratic debate

"The most interesting theory I have heard so far, which is nothing more than a theory, I can’t think – it can’t be proved, is that [President Bush] was warned [about 9/11] ahead of time by the Saudis. Now, who knows what the situation is?" -- Howard Dean

"I have reluctantly concluded that the efforts of the United States and NATO in Bosnia are a complete failure. If we ignore these behaviors ... our moral fiber as a people becomes weakened. ... We must take unilateral action." -- Howard Dean in a 1995 letter to Bill Clinton

"Dealing with race is about educating white folks." -- Howard Dean

(I want to be the)"candidate for "guys with Confederate flags on their pickup trucks" -- Howard Dean

"I believe that the flag of the Confederate States of America is a painful symbol and reminder of racial injustice and slavery which (Abraham) Lincoln denounced from here over 150 years ago" -- Howard Dean

Religion

"We have got to stop having the campaigns run in this country based on abortion, guns, God and gays." -- Howard Dean

"From a religious point of view, if God had thought homosexuality is a sin, he would not have created gay people." -- Howard Dean

"My view of Christianity ... is that the hallmark of being a Christian is to reach out to people who have been left behind. So I think there was a religious aspect to my decision to support civil unions." -- Howard Dean

"Dean himself moved from Episcopalian to Congregationalist "because I had a big fight with a local Episcopal church about 25 years ago over the bike path." He does not hesitate to reveal this information or to declare that he seldom goes to church." -- Robert Novak

"After hearing Dr Dean's observation, beginning with 'If you know much about the Bible - which I do', a reporter asked about his favourite New Testament book. Dr Dean named Job, adding, 'But I don't like the way it ends... in some of the books of the New Testament; the ending of the Book of Job is different... There's one book where there's a more optimistic ending, which we believe was tacked on later'.

The candidate returned an hour later to confess error: Job was in the Old Testament, not the New. Beyond that slip, his recollection of 'one book where there's a more optimistic ending' is muddled; the Book of Job in the Old Testament has an upbeat ending, with God doubling Job's former wealth and giving him new children for having sustained his piety through all his trials." -- William Safire describes Howard Dean's difficulties with Job.

Social Security Flip-Flop

"The way to balance the budget is for Congress to cut Social Security, move the retirement age to 70, cut defense, Medicare and veterans pensions, while the states cut almost everything else. It would be tough but we could do it." -- Howard Dean in 1995

"I would also entertain taking the retirement age up to 68." -- Howard Dean to NBC in June of 2003

"I have never favored a Social Security retirement age of 70 nor do I favor one of 68." -- Howard Dean in August of 2003

Taxes

(I promise that I will) "repeal every dime of President Bush's tax cuts." -- Howard Dean

"Governor Dean would repeal all of the Bush tax cuts. And that would mean an increase in taxes on everybody, including the middle class and working families who don't deserve it now, can't take it, in fact need a break." -- Joe Lieberman on Howard Dean

"Dean not only advocates universal health insurance but also tells audiences that Vermont already has moved in that direction. . . . How to pay for this? Simple, says Dean. Roll back virtually all of President Bush's tax cut of 2001." -- David Broder