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Kneecapping Barack Obama at every opportunity. | ||
The Music I'm Listening To Right Now: Just for entertainment's sake, here is the current playlist I'm listening to right now...
The Ataris -- In This Diary
Berlin -- Take My Breath Away
Blur -- Song #2
Fred Durst & Stained -- Outside
Don Henly -- Dirty Laundry
Toby Keith & Willie Nelson -- Beer For My Horses
Kid Rock -- American Bad*ss
Avril Lavigne -- I'm With You
Manowar -- Warriors of the World United
Willie Nelson, Waylon Jennings, Johnny Cash, Kris Kristofferson -- The Highwayman
New Order -- True Faith'
OkGo -- Get Over It
Outkast -- Bombs Over Baghdad
Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers -- You Got Lucky
Seether -- Fine Again
The Smiths -- I Won't Share You
Fredro Starr Featuring Jill Scott -- True Colors
George Thoroughgood & The Destroyers -- Bad To The Bone
Train -- Meet Virginia
Twisted Sister -- The Price
U2 -- Who's Gonna Ride Your Wild Horses?
Violent Femmes -- I Held Her In My Arms
The Wallflowers -- We Can Be Heroes
The Union Underground -- Across the Nation
Rob Zombie - Dragula
Some Of RWN's Favorite Pro-Wrestling Quotes: I've been a wrestling fan ever since I was a little kid. When I was a kid I was a fan of Ric Flair, Rick Steamboat, Jimmy Valiant, Blackjack Mulligan, Roddy & Piper among others. Oddly enough, Ric Flair and Roddy Piper are still around along with a few of my new faves like Chris Jericho, Rob Van Dam, Tajiri, The Dudley Boyz, The Rock, & Chris Benoit, .
Now I know some people just don't get this. How is that a guy who enjoys having foreign policy debating the merits of pre-emption vs. containment and the political implications of tax policy also likes to watch men hit each other with chairs?
Well, it's really nothing but soap opera for guys. You watch people talk a little smack, put each other through tables, you see a little skin when the women get a little TV time, and you call it a night. Sure it's lowbrow entertainment, but anybody who has seen RWN's Southpark & Simpsons quotes knows that doesn't bother me.
Whether you're a fan or not, I hope you enjoy the wrestling smack talk...
The Democratic Leadership Council Quote Of The Day: RNC Research is coming up with some great stuff lately, like this devastating quote from a Democratic Leadership Council memo written on 6/16/03...
"If the Bush administration was wrong about Saddam's WMD program, so, too, was just about everybody else, including U.N. inspectors, the French, the Germans, the Russians, and the Chinese, all of whom accepted prior evidence of such a program as beyond doubt."
Like I've already said, the Democrats aren't going to gain anything by pursuing this issue and they will take a huge credibility hit if we turn up WMD in Iraq. But, I guess when you don't have any issues to discuss, even the most desperate longshot of an attack may seem like a better idea than just doing nothing.
Orrin Hatch -- Software Pirate & Pornographer?: If you go to the Explore Utah section of Orrin Hatch's website and click on the myUtahsearch.com button, you get forwarded to a porn page.
Has Hatch been hacked or is a staffer playing a little prank on him? In any case, I don't mind seeing him get embarassed -- again. Let's see how long it takes for Hatch to get that taken off of his page...
***Update***: Original post: 12:17 -- This post: 12:52 & it's gone...lol. I'm sure the girls at "Big Naturals" will be terribly upset to have lost Senator Hatch's support =D
***Update #2*** The porn link is still showing up in the Google Cache however.
***Update #3*** It looks the domain name for that search engine changed hands on 5/14/03. So that means Senator Hatch's constituents were probably treated to six days of free porn before the link was yanked.
Here's a little background research you may be interested in. The owner of that domain appears to be Tim Bach of Quicknet Communications -- a man who has knocked heads with Prudential Insurance Company over domain names. Furthermore, a publication called Willamette Week Online claims that Tim Bach was actually involved in the "FBI National Computer Crime Squad's first major probe" a few years back. If Willamette Week Online is correct, there was even a book written about this guy's exploits called "@Large: The Strange Case of the World's Biggest Internet Invasion."
Hat Tip to Kalin of the Hundredth Monkey for pointing out that the domain name had recently changed hands.
The Democrat's Uphill Battle: George Will weighs in on the myriad of problems that the Democratic party has right now...
"The contours of the political landscape are becoming increasingly inhospitable to Democrats. This is partly because of what Democrats are, partly because of what they have done to themselves with campaign finance reform, partly because demographic changes are weakening one of their signature issues and partly because of a conflict between their ideology and fiscal facts.
...(The Democrats) seem reactive, a party of protest, more capable of saying what they do not like -- George W. Bush, his judicial nominees, tax cuts and other works -- than what they like. Hence, Democrats are perceived as the servants of grievance groups. One consequence of the McCain-Feingold campaign finance reforms will be an exacerbation of that perception.
...Republicans have a large advantage in raising "hard" dollars, which are for particular candidates and are covered by annual limits. Democrats, deprived of soft money, will be forced to rely on paid issue advocacy by their "groups" -- environmentalists, gun control advocates, the pro-abortion lobby. Dependence on the groups will cost the party control of its message and pull the party to the left, away from swing voters.
...(Mitch) Daniels discerns a paradox that will increasingly bedevil Democrats. One reason there are two parties is to accommodate two broadly different valuations of freedom and equality: Republicans tend to favor the former, Democrats the latter. But, says Daniels, Democrats have a stake in substantial income inequality.
This is because Democrats favor a more ambitious, high-spending federal government. Almost half of the government's revenue comes from the personal income tax, and, in 2000, 37.4 percent of income taxes were paid by the wealthiest 1 percent of income earners.
The liberals' conundrum is that their aspirations for omniprovident government depend on a large and growing supply of very rich people, who are the reason federal revenues surged into surplus during the boom times of the latter half of the Clinton presidency as income inequality widened and there was a gusher of revenue from capital gains taxes."
I think Will makes some good points, but I'd go further in saying that they left-wing ideology that drives the Democratic Party is becoming a spent force in American politics. While Reagan, Bush Sr., and Bush Jr won the Presidency while touting their Conservatism, no Democrat can be elected President or even Senator in most states if he admits that he's a liberal. Even Clinton who took the White House twice had to portray himself as a moderate to do so and he was largely handcuffed while he was in office. Despite spending eight years in the White House, Clinton was by and large a "do-nothing" President who only managed to get two major pieces of legislation passed -- Welfare Reform & NAFTA -- both of which were strongly supported by the GOP. If it seems that Democrats don't, "stand for anything", perhaps it's because they have no chance at winning anything in most states if they promote a left-wing agenda.
That means the Democrats are forced to go negative every election and claim that Republicans are going take old people's Social Security away and poison our air & water. Since that never actually happens, even voters who aren't all that tuned into politics can figure out that the Democrats are crying wolf. I believe that's one of the primary reasons why the Democrats did so poorly in the 2002 elections and there's no reason to think that those old canards are going to do anything but continue to become less effective each election cycle.
What all this means is that the Democrats are either going to have to find some way reinvent themselves or they may go the way of the Whigs in the next decade or two...
Mmmmmm...Wildlife: I ran across this pic on Gut Rumbles and it was so funny that I had to post it...
The Link RWN & Win #2 Contest: Here are the winners of the Link RWN & Win #2 that finished up on Monday...
-- The Southern California Law Blog
-- Little Miss Attila
-- Intellectual Conservatism
All 3 of these blogs have won an RWN main page ad. The ad will be marked as an advertisement & it can run up to 400 words. Ads on RWN's front page stay up for 3 days. Normally, these ads cost $7.50. Here's an example of what one looks like. If you're interested in buying one of these ads, just put the $7.50 in my Paypal account and email the ad.
Congrats to all of our winners!
Know Thy Enemy: Monkey Pox By Frank J: I've had a lot of requests to have a post on monkey pox, but I had avoided it until now because monkeys scare me. Finally, though, I've set my crack research staff on the topic and here is what we came up with:
* Monkey pox was either developed by evil monkey scientists or by God because of our sins. If someone sinned, please fess up.
* Poxes are all named after the animal that made them to try and overthrow humanity. Chicken pox was made in the long long ago by chickens in a failed attempt to destroy mankind, and later cows did the same thing, making cow pox, which ended up being a vaccine for the ancient and evil small pox, made by leprechauns to keep us from getting their pot of gold.
* Monkey pox is spread by prairie dogs, which are not actually dogs (or prairies) but instead are evil, stinky rodents who sold their soul to their monkey masters.
* If a monkey comes up to and offers to inject you with something he swears is not pox, don't let him. It probably is pox.
* Monkey pox is rarely fatal, but, while it has not been proven that it allows monkeys to control the victim's mind (or even hypothesized), it has not been disproven either. Do not trust anyone who is itchy.
* If you have monkey pox, no matter how tempting it is, don't eat a banana; that will just inflame it. Instead eat things a monkey wouldn't like such as chalk and suntan lotion.
* The symptoms of monkey pox are fever and itchy rashes. It's not much fun, but, if you're young, I'd say it's worth it to skip a couple days of school.
* Doctors say don't scratch the rashes as that will just make them worse. Know what; doctors say lots of damn things. Scratch those damn rashes; screw the doctors.
* If you seen prairie dogs, kill them and burn their bodies. Do not get them mixed up with Chihuahuas, though, or you will probably make someone mad.
* Monkey pox is a virus. A virus is an entity (not technically classified as a living organism - much like a monkey) that uses one of your own cells to reproduce itself. That's just mean. You work long and hard making those cells, and they shouldn't just be stolen like that.
* In a fight between Aquaman and monkey pox, monkey pox would probably win unless Aquaman had been taking a lot of vitamin C lately.
* A Nuke the Moon t-shirt will make you immune to monkey pox. When wearing one, you can lick all the prairie dogs you want without fear.
* The best cure for monkey pox is to eat monkey brains like in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. Ha, and you thought that was all fiction. You are so foolish I should rip your heart out of your chest.
If you enjoyed this satire by Frank J, you can read more of his work at IMAO.
If Bush 'Misled Us', So Did John F. Kerry: I hate to beat on John Kerry too much right now because I believe he's unelectable, yet he has a great chance to win the Democratic nomination. However, I did want to address his latest comments...
"Democratic presidential candidate John Kerry said Wednesday that President Bush broke his promise to build an international coalition against Iraq's Saddam Hussein and then waged a war based on questionable intelligence.
''He misled every one of us,'' Kerry said. ''That's one reason why I'm running to be president of the United States.''
Kerry said Bush made his case for war based on at least two pieces of U.S. intelligence that now appear to be wrong that Iraq sought nuclear material from Africa and that Saddam's regime had aerial weapons capable of attacking the United States with biological material.
Still, Kerry said it is too early to conclude whether or not war with Iraq was justified. There needs to be a congressional investigation into U.S. intelligence on Iraq, he said."
OK, let's take it from the top. We went into Iraq backed by a huge coalition. It included, Afghanistan, Albania, Australia, Azerbaijan, Bulgaria, Colombia, the Czech Republic, Denmark, El Salvador, Eritrea, Estonia, Ethiopia, Georgia, Hungary, Italy, Japan, Latvia, Lithuania, Macedonia, the Netherlands, Nicaragua, the Philippines, Poland, Romania, Slovakia, South Korea, Spain, Turkey, the United Kingdom and Uzbekistan among others. So without question, we had support from a vast coalition.
Kerry then goes on to claim that Bush "misled every one of us", implying that Bush lied about WMD. Well, if Bush mislead us about WMD, then did John Kerry "mis(lead) every one of us" back in 1998 when he signed a letter to Clinton saying that,
"[W]e urge you, after consulting with Congress, and consistent with the U.S. Constitution and laws, to take necessary actions (including, if appropriate, air and missile strikes on suspect Iraqi sites) to respond effectively to the threat posed by Iraq's refusal to end its weapons of mass destruction programs."
Kerry then continued to "mis(lead) every one of us" in October of 2002 when he said,
"I will be voting to give the president of the United States the authority to use force - if necessary - to disarm Saddam Hussein because I believe that a deadly arsenal of weapons of mass destruction in his hands is a real and grave threat to our security.
Was Kerry misleading us when he said those things? I'd love hear someone ask him about that sometime.
Furthermore, Kerry cites two pieces of "questionable intelligence" that Bush used. Quite frankly, neither of them were terribly important or lynchpins in Bush's case that Iraq had WMD. Picking out those two pieces of info is like yanking two pebbles off of a mountain and claiming that it's no longer sturdy.
That being said, I will grant you that the African nuclear materials report that the CIA gave to the Bush administration turned out to be bogus. But unfortunately, our intelligence agencies aren't omnipotent and they occasionally make these sorts of mistakes. On the other hand, Kerry is deliberately attempting to mislead people in regards to what Bush said about aerial weapons. Bush actually said, "We're concerned that Iraq is exploring ways of using these UAVs for missions targeting the United States." Ari Fleischer even went further in explaining this issue when he said, "The threat from UAVs would come from their being launched from a ship or a truck or by their being smuggled into the United States." So where did Bush mislead anyone with these comments? Again, I'd like to see someone call Kerry on this issue.
Last but not least, Kerry says it's too "early to conclude whether or not war with Iraq was justified." Of course, because Kerry is a weasel, he also said, ''I'm glad Saddam Hussein is gone." So which is it? Was our attack on Saddam unjust? If so, then doesn't justice demand that we fill in the mass graves, put Saddam back in charge, and send him a fruit basket to apologize? On the other hand, is Kerry saying that he's glad that America did something that he thinks may not have been justified? This is the sort of rhetorical pretzel the Democratic candidates have to twist themselves into to appeal to the anti-war lefties without angering the moderates they need to become President.
In any case, the left, Kerry included, is getting no real traction on this issue despite all the sympathetic media coverage they're receiving. Even if we don't find so much as a single anthrax spore in Iraq, I don't believe Bush will be significantly hurt by it given that the intelligence was there to support it and that there were so many prominent Democrats who also said Saddam had WMD. However, if we do find WMD in Iraq (and I believe we will), all of this is going to boomerang on the Dems....big time.
Bill Clinton Is Every Bit As Advanced A Witch As Was Adolf Hitler: If you crossed Jim Baker with Jeff Rense, you'd come up with The Cutting Edge. This page mixes Christianity with all sort of bizarre rants about weather control, Bill Clinton's witchcraft, the Illuminati, Harry Potter, Freemasons, and the New World order among other topics. I especially enjoyed it when these moonbats talked about the evil of the Smurfs =) I always knew those little blue freaks were up to something =D
So get your tinfoil hats on and get ready for another oddball edition of ACPOTI (Anyone Can Post On The Internet) featuring the nutjobs from The Cutting Edge... (Cont)
Orrin Hatch's Online World: Orrin Hatch is the chairman of the Senate Judiciary Committee, but he doesn't deserve to be. In fact, no one who actually believes something as ridiculous as this would get my vote in an election...
"During a discussion on methods to frustrate computer users who illegally exchange music and movie files over the Internet, Hatch asked technology executives about ways to damage computers involved in such file trading. Legal experts have said any such attack would violate federal anti-hacking laws.
"No one is interested in destroying anyone's computer," replied Randy Saaf of MediaDefender Inc., a secretive Los Angeles company that builds technology to disrupt music downloads. One technique deliberately downloads pirated material very slowly so other users can't.
"I'm interested," Hatch interrupted. He said damaging someone's computer "may be the only way you can teach somebody about copyrights."
The senator acknowledged Congress would have to enact an exemption for copyright owners from liability for damaging computers. He endorsed technology that would twice warn a computer user about illegal online behavior, "then destroy their computer."
"If we can find some way to do this without destroying their machines, we'd be interested in hearing about that," Hatch said. "If that's the only way, then I'm all for destroying their machines. If you have a few hundred thousand of those, I think people would realize" the seriousness of their actions, he said.
"There's no excuse for anyone violating copyright laws," Hatch said."
So let me get this straight; Hatch wants to give corporations the power to legally destroy the computer of anyone who has already been "warn(ed) twice about their illegal behavior?"
What about your privacy on the internet? Sorry, in Orrin Hatch's world corporations are allowed to snoop around on your computer to see if you're violating copyright law. We're lucky that Disney and Warner Bros aren't complaining about people making illegal copies of their movies or Hatch might favor allowing them to break into your house to make sure you don't have any illegal copies of the "Lion King" or the "Matrix".
What about being, "innocent until proven guilty in a court of law"? Sorry, that doesn't apply to people on the internet in Orrin Hatch's world. The corporations will decide who's innocent and who's guilty and you'll just have to learn to live with it.
What about the idea that everyone should be equal under the law? Sorry, but in Orrin Hatch's world, corporations should be able to destroy your computer if they decide it's necessary. After all, the TV/Movies/Music industry gave Orrin Hatch $175,322 in 1997-2002. If you pony up 175k like they did then maybe Orrin Hatch will favor keeping corporate hackers out of your computer.
Fortunately, I don't think Orrin Hatch's world is ever going to come into being because Hatch's proposal has been bashed like Osama Bin Laden at a marine BBQ. That suits me just fine because I think Hatch deserves every nasty adjective that's being hurled at him right now...
***Update***: Well, well, well -- it looks like Orrin Hatch is a software pirate himself! Wired has confirmation that Laurence Simon of Amish Tech Support broke yesterday.
Movie Review Of Bruce Almighty: I have to admit that I'm not a big Jim Carrey fan. While I don't start looking for the exits when Carrey comes on the screen like I do with Steve Martin or Martin Lawrence, I'm not sure I've ever seen anything Carrey was in more than once. That's why I was a bit surprised that I liked, "Bruce Almighty" as much as I did.
Of course, the great concept behind the movie helped make it entertaining. In short, Carey complains that God is screwing up his life and God calls him on it. Not only does Carey get to meet God, but the big guy actually decides to give Carey all of his powers. Imagine having all of God's powers...who wouldn't want to give that a try?
As you'd expect, the movie was funny. Carey's over the top antics went over paticularly well in what was supposed to be a "serious" newsroom and against straight woman Jennifer Anniston. So if you're looking for humor, the movie had it in spades.
However, Bruce Almighty also did a number of other things well. As I mentioned, the concept was great and there was a nifty little love story unfolding between Anniston and Carrey as well. When Carrey & Anniston had some bumps in their relationship later in the movie, I was actually surprised to find that I cared whether they'd get back together or not.
Also, the movie managed to deliver a positive, pro-Christian message without coming across as preachy. That's fairly rare in Hollywood these days where most movies that deal with Christianity treat it as either malign or sneer in contempt at people who actually believe in God. In contrast to that, In Bruce Almighty, the very likable lead characters regularly pray. Moreover, we get to meet God himself (Morgan Freeman) who comes across as likable and wise, just as most Christians would hope he would be.
I do have two gripes about the movie, neither one of which is a big deal. The laughs did slow down in the last third of the movie as they spent more time on other elements of the story. Not that the movie stopped being funny at that point or that emphasizing the love story or Carrey's personal growth were bad things, but the last third of the movie just wasn't as funny as it had been earlier. Also, in my entire life, I have never seen a movie that caught the boom mike on camera as many times as Bruce Almighty. I counted AT LEAST 8 times that the boom mike dipped into shots. Can't they edit that out? I mean we live in an age where they can make realistic looking giant lizards with radioactive breath and yet they can get rid of a boom mike? It just doesn't make any sense.
Despite those minor flaws, "Bruce Almighty" is a very good movie. Without hesitation, I'd give it a strong "thumbs up".
***Update***: There were some questions about the boom mike being visible in the comments section. Apparently, whether the boom mike is seen can vary from theater to theater. I found articles in The Guardian & film flubs that give more information about it. To make a long story short...
"The "masking" of the film (the frame around the screen) can be different from one theater to another, exposing the boom mike sometimes, covering it in others. Often, even though you don't see the mike in the theaters, you might see it on video, since the conversion of a movie to video picks up a little extra space at the bottom and top of the frame."
USA Today Tries To Appeal To The Kook Set: RWN reader Alli Phipps pointed out a positively bizarre story in USA Today. According to USA Today technology writer Kevin Maney, President Bush fell off a Segway not by accident, but as part of a plot to hurt Segway and thereby help the oil industry. Here are some excerpts from column...
"President Bush meant to fall off his Segway. Oh, I'm sure of it. What we've got here is a clever conspiracy - a pre-emptive strike to save the oil industry from a technology that could sap its power.
...The first U.S. president to try a Segway supposedly forgot to turn it on, so the gyroscopic stabilizers couldn't automatically balance him.
But maybe Bush wanted to fall. Maybe he understands in a way few do that society is on the verge of a debate that could mold the future of transportation, much like the debate 100 years ago when cars first suggested that horses weren't the only way to travel.
And if the future veers toward little two-wheeled electric-powered personal transporters, where does that leave ExxonMobil and Halliburton and the rest of the oil industry President Bush adores? Probably in the same sad league as the old Pennsylvania coal-mining companies, with Houston as the next Wilkes-Barre.
...The conspiracy theory is bolstered by this: It's nearly impossible to fall off a Segway. Seventy-nine-year-old George H.W. Bush didn't fall off the one he got from his sons for Father's Day. Barbara Bush also got one, and she didn't fall off hers.
...Vice President Cheney - Mr. Oil Guy himself - has had a Segway for some time now. I heard Dean Kamen, the Segway's inventor, talk about how Cheney called his company's office and asked to buy one. Kamen personally delivered a Segway to the White House. Cheney, in his suit and tie, jumped on and started riding it around the White House driveway, with a panicked Kamen running alongside him.
Bush saw them through the Oval Office window and came outside to watch, recalls Kamen, who has photos to prove it. This doubtlessly is when Bush first saw the potential of falling off one.
Cheney might have planned all along to fall off his in front of the cameras. In fact, being the vice president, and thus more expendable, he could've tried something more dramatic, like running into a wall at the Segway's top speed of 12.5 miles per hour. That would've made the Segway look super dangerous, considering all the teeth Cheney would've lost."
Yes, President's love to fall down in public because it makes them look like such leaders. Furthermore, I suppose Bush was too busy cackling evilly and plotting this out to think about all the positive publicity that would result from having him, his father, & mother all tooling around on Segways for the cameras. Of course, if Bush really wanted to hurt Segway, I'm sure he could easily have some snuck some anti-Segway legislation into the bowels of some bloated bill....
Wait a second, why am I even bothering to refute Maney's editorial? Maney might just as well have said, "aliens used an anti-grav beam to destabilize the Segway and cause Bush to fall" because there's just as much evidence to support that crackpot idea as the one he came up with.
But heck, what can you even say about someone who thinks the President would deliberately fall off a Segway as part of some plot to help big oil? I mean once you're that far gone, you're an official member of the tinfoil hat who's only a few days without your Thorazine away from believing that the Earth is run by Lizard people.
In any case, the really scary part isn't that Maney wrote this ridiculous piece, but that USA Today actually published it. So presumably, nothing in this column even raised any red flags with whoever was reviewing Maney's ravings...if there was any review of his work at all. It's too bad that USA Today didn't act responsibly and kill this daft conspiracy theory before they embarassed themselves by going public with it.
A Buck Solution for Peace in the Middle East By Frank J: Recently I offered a solution for peace in the Middle East, but now I've decided to get a military opinion on the matter. That's why I've asked Buck the Marine for his ideas on solving the conflict between the Israelis and Palesinians.
"Hi, I'm Buck, Buck the Marine. I kill foreigners. Usually I'm not involved in no strategery though; I just take orders like, "Go kill those foreigners." Then I kill those foreigners and leave the reasoning to other people, like Rumsfeld, who's smart and hates all foreigners. But I was asked for my opinion, so here it is.
Now, as I understand it, a bunch of Jews decided they wanted to live in the midst of angry Muslims. Seems like a crazy idea, but there's no reason people should be blowing up little children. The Palestinians think it's all right to do that because of their religion, but Jesus wouldn't like people blowing up children. He probably wouldn't stab those people with a Ka-Bar, but you're asking for Buck's solution, not Jesus's. I'd go door to door asking, "Do you like blowing up children?"
And, if the person answered, "No, I do not."
I'd say, "Good evening, sir," and be on my way.
But if, the person answered, "Yes, blowing up children is good," I'd stick him with my Ka-Bar. When all the people who like blowing up children are good and stabbed, then you'll be on the road to peace. And, if I understand it correctly, that should stop the suicide bombing, since you need to be alive to commit suicide.
The other problem is this Hamas, who the Israelis want a cease-fire with. I have a lot of experience with situation where I wished the other side would cease firing. My best solution was to shoot those people with my M-16 which would usually caused them to cease fire. Once, though, some guy I shot got a death grip on the trigger of a machine gun, so it kept firing even though he was dead. At that point, we just had to wait for it to run out of ammo. I guess the lesson there is that sometimes peace takes patience, so I could probably sum up my philosophy for peace as being "patience and killing", not necessarily in that order.
Now, whoever is left could just try and talk things out, but, if that don't work, things can always be settled the Marine way. Get all the Israelis and all the Palestinians together and have them battle outright, and the first one all dead loses.
Well, that about all this Marine has to say. Just remember that peace takes time, energy, ammo, and, sometimes, tactical air strikes.
And one last thing: Ooh-rah!"
Thanks, Buck, and, because I couldn't fit in here in some subtle way, buy my t-shirt!
If you enjoyed this satire by Frank J. you can read more of his at IMAO.
Next Update On Wed: So as I'm heading back from the beach today, it's raining lightly and I'm doing about 55 MPH today. My half Jack Russell Terrier Patton was nodding off in the passenger seat and there was a way cool painting on a window that I had bought and was taking home in the back seat (***foreshadowing***). All was right with the world....well not really. As always I had a lot to do. I have interview questions to prepare, an update to do, I need to clean the apartment, I need to do laundry, etc, etc. What can I say...I always have a full schedule.
Anyway, about a hundred and twenty miles out of Charlotte, I start hydroplaning. Not the normal little, "hey, I lost contact with the road for a quarter of a second", but more like, "Mother of God, when is the road coming back?!?!?!?!" So I'm about to veer off the road to the right and that's bad...very bad. There was not much room to maneuver on the shoulder because of a large ditch. I was desperately trying to straighten out before I nose-dived into that ditch at 55MPH and I overcompensated and turned the wheel too far in the other direction. I'm not sure if that was because of pure adrenaline or because I was still hydroplaning, but things quickly got much, much, worse.
I say that because I made about a 75 degree turn at about 55MPH and on the other side of the road was ***again*** a narrow shoulder and another pretty good size ditch. At this point things were completely hopeless. I was fish tailing and heading for the ditch almost BACKWARDS.
So I hit the ditch and the car FLIPS over...while it's almost BACKWARDS...at I'm guessing about 40 MPH. Now supposedly when you get into situations like this, your life flashes before your eyes. That didn't happen for me, but I do distinctively remember one thought going through my head, "So this is how I'm going to die".
The impact was extraordinarily violent. At first I thought my seatbelt had snapped, but actually the SEAT ITSELF broke and I ended up in the backseat. I was momentarily stunned and then very surprised to find myself alive. I rose up on all fours facing the back windshield and felt basically OK, although there was blood trickling down from my head to what 15 seconds ago was the roof of the car. Out loud I said to no one in particular, "Wow, I can't believe I'm alive." Then I thought of the small furry mess that was probably behind me and again I spoke aloud, "I bet the dog's dead." But as I turned my head to the left, there was Patton walking up and looking fine except for a small cut on his head.
Shortly thereafter, I saw feet through the window and heard someone asking if I was all right. They also asked if I could turn off the car, which turned out to be a problem because the key was jammed in the ignition...but finally, I got it stopped. I then crawled through the glass from the window painting to the only door I could open, the driver's side door in the back. I handed Patton out to the good Samaritan and crawled out. My face was covered in a crimson mask because a couple of shards from the window painting were embedded in my scalp. The first was small, but the second was about the size of a shark's tooth you'd find on the beach. As I stood there bleeding, almost every person who drove by stopped to ask if I needed any help. That speaks well of the sort of people who live down here in Eastern North Carolina. Soon enough, within 10 minutes, the ambulance was there.
A few hours later, I walked out the hospital with a variety of abrasions, bruises, cuts (especially on my scalp which looks like hamburger), 4 stitches in my right arm and a hairline fracture of my right pinkie finger...which the doctors initially didn't catch by the way. But, they did call me back later to let me know they missed it...great, nothing like wrapping up your finger in tape and Popsicle sticks.
Now I'm still at the beach, but tomorrow I'll get a rental car and head home. Of course, tomorrow I expect to be sore, very sore, and dealing with insurance points and settlements and trying to decide if I'm going to personally cut my stitches and yank them out in a week. But in any case, RWN returns Wed and I've got to say I'm feeling pretty yippy-skippy for someone who almost bought the farm a little earlier today...
***Update***: I just got back into Charlotte and I have to tell you that I physically feel better than I expected. My left arm is incredibly sore and I feel like I got pancaked 4 or 5 times by the Green Bay Packers offensive line, but otherwise I'm not too bad. The cracked finger is even doing so well that I'm not even going to splint it. By the time I yank those stitches out next Tuesday, I should be fully recovered except for a few slow healing cuts. By the way, the dog seems to be doing fine as well except that he seems to be much more afraid to ride in the car when I'm driving (smart dog).
As far as mood goes, I was good from the moment I got out of the car and didn't notice anything majorly wrong. I figure that if I did that wreck over 10 times, I would have been toast 5 times, would have gotten busted up bad 4 times, and would have walked away with minimal injuries like this once. So I don't get too bothered by the car and hassles that go along with replacing it, I'm just glad to be able to walk away the car.
Last but not least, thanks for all the kind words. They were much appreciated. Also, as I said yesterday, I'll be updating the page again tomorrow. Some of you suggested that I take a little more time off, but I don't want to use this as an excuse to be lazy. Besides, the lefties/random scumbags like this guy aren't taking any time off...
"To bad you didnt break your neck you Fascist c*nt.
Posted by Ghost at June 17, 2003 12:50 PM"
...so I'm getting back to work on the page as well.
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