RWN Returns Tuesday: Unfortunately (for you), I've made my last post of the day because I'm heading to the beach on vacation. I will not be returning until Monday afternoon which means that RWN won't be back until Tuesday. Later tonight, I'll log in and post an already prepared list of websites in the daily news section. If I'm not going to be here, maybe I can at least farm out a little traffic to some small but deserving websites.

Speaking of deserving webites, thanks to our advertisers from last month -- Between The Coasts, Zogby Blog, Electric Venom, Deserve Victory, & Belly Flop. RWN appreciates the support!

More importantly, why don't you show our new advertisers that they made a smart decision by signing up with us? Our returning advertisers are Between The Coasts, Zogby Blog, Electric Venom, & Those Shirts.

RWN is also glad to have Ravenwood's Universe, Solomonia, & the The Politiblog on board with us as well.

Thanks for the support everyone, I'll see you on Monday.

What?: This is the funniest and most interesting thing I've ever seen on a soccer field =)

I ripped this from Curmudgeonly & Skeptical. Nice work Rodger!

Smacking Down The Hollywood Stars: Yesterday, I put together a list of quotes from the Hollywood stars about the war. Someone named MJ then sent me an email that read as follows,

"I read your celeb quotes on your page there. I live in Hollywood and work in the Industry, so I have to deal with these people daily. I had a few things to say about these inane ramblings, especially since I usually have to keep my conservative little mouth shut for fear of being blacklisted here in liberal land because I dare to disagree with the majority (imagine how that works, huh?)

Anyway, hopefully you'll enjoy it and share it with others on your website."

I liked what MJ wrote and after a bit of editing, I decided to post it. Enjoy the venom... (Cont)

Turning Our Children French: The ninnies who run Neshaminy School District in Langhorne, PA are going to be working overtime to turn the children who are unfortunate enough to be in their care into little weenies & milquetoasts. Just listen to some of the "Peaceful Playground Project" as described by J.D. Mullane of the Burlington County Times...

"...But the Big Thinkers at the Neshaminy School District want to "restructure" recess with something called the "Peaceful Playground Project."

This is fine, if you want your kid to grow up to be Hans Blix."

Hans Blix indeed...why don't we just neuter the children and get it over with? Come on, competition and conflict are part of life. It may not be pleasant for children to lose or to knock heads with other kids, but teaching them to deal with it, not trying to completely shelter them from it is the way to go. That is what real life is like and going to these ridiculous lengths to protect kids from it is a mistake, one that should be very upsetting to their parents...

Hat tip to A Small Victory for finding this one.

The Fairness Doctrine & Muzzled Dissent: I ran across an editorial entitled, "Media Monopolies Have Muzzled Dissent". Oddly enough, the writer, Ian Masters, was dissenting from the pages of the LA Times, one of the nation's biggest & most influential papers. Oh wait a second....am I "squashing his dissent" by pointing that out? That's pretty much what they're calling criticizing left-wing viewpoints these days isn't it? It's hard for me to have any perspective on the issue since we Conservatives are never, ever, criticized for anything we say...yeah, right. Anyway, I digress, let me get back to business.

Masters pulls out the rhetorical shotgun and fires both barrels at Fox & talk radio. Here's the meat of what he had to say...

"...Now the marriage between a government and its volunteer information ministry has been consecrated by the blessed victory of "Operation Iraqi Freedom," the geopolitical equivalent of an O.J. meets "Joe Millionaire" wrapped in the flag.

So speak up, America: It's your country, they're your airwaves. Maybe you can pursue the American dream while you are asleep, but it will be too late to reclaim your country's freedom when you wake up."

There's so much here I could comment on, but let me focus on the, "Fairness Doctrine." The left wants to implement the "Fairness Doctrine" primarily because it would destroy talk radio.

Here's about how it would work. Let's say you're a local station and you syndicate Rush Limbaugh. Rush does great ratings, in fact he's #1 in the market and pulling a 10 share. Sounds great right? But, if the Fairness Doctrine was in place, suddenly you'd be forced to put a left-wing host on the air for three hours a day as well. Well, both shows are probably not going to have the same base audience and more importantly, as talk radio stations have learned over and over again, very few left-wing hosts draw ratings. So the station either has to pay a lot of money to syndicate some dog of a left-wing show or they can put the locally hosted, "Joe The Left-Wing Loon's High Taxes And Abortion Show" on the air. Either way, to get Rush's top ranked show, they're probably going to be stuck with a bottom of the market loser that they won't be able to make any money from. Then they have to decide, "Is it worth it to even stay with a talk format?" For many stations, the answer will be "no" and they'll switch over to Salsa music or shilling Britney Spears and Avril Lavigne.

Ironically, people like Masters who are crying about "muzzled dissent" in actuality want to use the Fairness Doctrine to stealthily silence the people they disagree with on the right. This is quite hypocritical because in reality, talk radio is actually an alternative medium. The reason that Limbaugh, Liddy, Hannity, and the rest of the Conservative talk show hosts became so popular was because people were looking for alternates to the left-leaning mainstream media.

Furthermore, today people have more choices than ever before. They can read their local news paper which probably slants left or listen to a talk radio host who probably slants right. Now that Fox is around, people actually have a choice between ABC, NBC, CBS, CNN, MSNBC, & a network that leans to the right. Then there's the web where anyone can peruse news sources from all over the world that come from editorial orientation imaginable. In short, since 1987 when the Fairness Doctrine was repealed, the number of media sources available to the average American have become more diverse and FAIR than ever before...

The Three Cardinal Sins Of Blogging: I've had a lot of bloggers ask me how to improve their page and build a bigger audience. I've written about similar subjects multiple times, here, here, & here. But, I wanted to point out the three big mistakes that I see bloggers make. Of course, this only applies to people who want to build an audience. If you see blogging as a hobby you pursue when you get bored with your Playstation 2 and run out of beer, this doesn't apply to you...

1) First and foremost, most unsuccessful bloggers just don't write enough material. Either they don't post enough links or they don't rant/write enough essays. If you look at successful blogs around the net you're almost always going to find that they put a LOT of work and time into their writing/linking. You're going to have to do that too if you're going to succeed.

2) Inconsistency kills. Vacations & week-ends off are fine, but just randomly taking days off or making minimal numbers of posts will cost you readers. For the most part, we may be dishing out "free ice cream" (writing for free), but our customers still want a consistent supply. If they don't get it, they'll wander off and find one. So instead of having a reader who hits your page every day, they may just check in once every couple of weeks to see what they'll find. That's not the way to build up a consistent group of readers.

3) You have got to be distinctive enough so that readers can pick you out of the herd. If there are 50 other blogs out there talking about the same things you're talking about and saying roughly the same things -- well to put it bluntly, why should a reader bother with reading your blog?

If you're a blogger with talent and patience & you avoid those three "cardinal sins", you will eventually build an audience.

Celebrities Discuss The War On Terrorism -- The Quotes: It seems like you can hardly watch TV, listen to talk radio, or open a newspaper without coming across some celebrity complaining to millions of people that their "dissent is being squashed". Well, we here at Right Wing News believe that these celebrities have a right to say whatever they want and we want more people to know about their views. Their fans and people who are thinking about voting for a Democrat 2004 should be aware of what these prominent leftists believe. That's why RWN compiled some insightful foreign policy statements and deep thoughts from celebrities since 9/11 just so you can see where they stand. Enjoy the wisdom! (Cont)

IndyMedia Roots On The Terrorists: Here are some comments from the lefties posting at Indymedia on the suicide bomber attack last night in Israel aimed at an
American expat bar...

Death to Israel: (from a Post titled -- ZIONAZIS GET BOMBED) "Zionazi Israel get what it deserves."

Angel: "Let us Draw the Lines of the Palestinian State now, not in five years when more land may be confiscated and the settlements have grown larger, and it may be too late. Since the intifada started till mid April 2003: 724 Israelis were killed (This includes innocent children). 2382 Palestinians were killed (This includes innocent children). Who has SLAUGHTERED THE MOST INNOCENT PEOPLE??..."

Brian: "I am one of those who uses the term 'zionazi'.

Having said that, the original post fills me with disgust - to crow over the death of innocent civilians is abhorrent. Now if the dead had been settlers in occupied territory, it would be acceptable. But attacks within the pre-1967 borders are to be condemned, since they are neither justified nor helpful."

outside the whale: "The Nazis ain't got nothing on those genocidist Israelis. The difference between The Nazis and the Israelis is like the difference between Little Bo Peep and Jack the Ripper."

That's a nice crowd over at IndyMedia huh?

Hat tip to Little Green Footballs for finding this thread and because LGF's readers actually inserted a little sanity into the thread. It was much needed...

In My World: Career Day by Frank J: "Now, I want this career day with these first graders to go well, so all of you be on your best behavior," Laura Bush warned, "and I swear, Donald, if you strangle anyone today, I'll give you a talking to you won't believe."

"Do I have to sit next to Tom Daschle?" Bush complained.

"Yes," Laura answered, "if Donald's going to make the best effort not to strangle anyone, then the least I can do is not put him next to Tom Daschle."

"I told you to bring Condi instead," Bush said.

"I don't like that woman," Laura shot back, "Now let's go into the classroom and meet the kids."

Germany -- The Bureaucrat's Dreamland: I just couldn't let this pass by without commenting...

"...In an effort to protect the humble German ant from the nation's over-zealous gardeners, 85 ant-protection officers have been appointed.

"People with an ant hill in their garden must under no circumstances resort to the use of poison," said ant officer Dieter Kraemer. "This is a violation of federal nature protection laws and punishable with hefty fines."

They have "85 ant-protection officers" in Germany? "(H)omeowners and gardeners" must have permits so they can, "have the ants carefully moved to local woods" instead of just wiping them out? Is Germany overrun with PETA-style animal rights extremists or are they just that cartoonishly mired in red tape?

You know what would be amusing? If the EU decided to adopt this policy and every country in Europe had to submit itself to this sort of beadledom. Don't laugh, the EU already forced farmers in Britain to give "manipulable material" (one spokesman suggested "footballs and basketballs") to pigs. Given that, forcing all of Europe to fret over ants wouldn't necessarily be that big of a stretch...

The More Things Change, The More They Stay The Same: We can talk about "Roadmaps to Peace" and a "Palestinian State" as much as we want, but real peace IS NOT achievable in the region unless some FUNDAMENTAL problems are dealt with. Those include but are not limited to the "right to return", some sort of universally accepted plan to deal with terrorist attacks after a Palestinian state is set up, and a guarantee of security for Israel if they allow the Palestinians to have a state.

Then there's another huge problem -- terrorist groups like Islamic Jihad and Hamas that have made it crystal clear that they don't want peace between Israel and the Palestinians. That's why the number of terrorist attacks increased last time the Israelis and Palestinians got closer to peace and why there was another attack yesterday. Neither of those groups say that they'll stop their attacks on Israel if the Palestinians are given a state and thus far the Palestinians have shown absolutely no signs of restraining them.

Some people believe that's going to change now that the new Palestinian Prime Minister, Mahmoud Abbas has come out against terrorism. Just yesterday he said,

"We denounce terrorism by any party and in all its forms...because we are convinced that such methods do not lend support to a just cause like ours, but rather destroy it," Abbas said.

"Ending the armed chaos" would be one of the "fundamental missions" of the new government, Abbas added. "There is no place for weapons except in the hands of the government," he said. "There is only one authority."

Sounds good right? Well, saying that is one thing and doing something about it is another. Abbas now faces the same dilemma that Arafat once did. I wrote about this back on April 3, 2002...

"Unfortunately, Arafat built his suicide-bombing machine far too well. The reality now is that his people have bought into the idea of suicide bombing, terrorism, and driving the Israelis into the sea to such an extent that Arafat no longer has control over them. Before the last intifada began, Arafat could have gotten the Palestinian State he claims to want and could have handled any unrest that would have developed over the details of the deal. But for whatever reason, perhaps because he feared the terrorist groups in his territory or wanted a better offer, Arafat chose not to take the bargain. Since then things have gotten so out of hand that there would be a civil war if Arafat cut a deal with Israel. Would Arafat win? Maybe, maybe not. Most of his own people would be against him and the terrorist groups that opposed peace would be heavily aided by the surrounding states. A true statesman would cut a deal with Israel and would risk fighting afterwards because it would be the best thing for his people. But Arafat is a terrorist who became a dictator, not a statesman.

So even if Abbas is serious, which is a big "if" by the way, is he going to risk a civil war to disarm Islamic Jihad and Hamas when the majority of his own people, the surrounding states, and probably Arafat are going to be against him? I doubt it. The Palestinians need men like George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, and James Madison. But, all they have is old terrorists like Arafat and holocaust deniers like Abbas. In the end, that's not going to be enough....

Strange Green Object Found in Capitol Sparks Debate By Scott Ott: Homeland Security Agents and Washington D.C. hazardous-materials crews were dispatched to the Capitol late today when a small piece of paper stained with a mysterious green fluid was discovered on the floor.

In wasn't until after the Capitol building was evacuated that haz-mat specialists determined the object was a one dollar bill, which had apparently fallen from the pocket of a tourist.

Senate Majority leader Bill Frist insisted that the dollar be returned to the tourist. However, Senate Minority Leader Tom Daschle said the dollar should be given to a homeless man who sleeps on a steam grate outside the Senate Office Building.

Rep. Dick Gephardt, D-MO, offered to give the vagrant 50 cents, while placing the other 50 cents in a savings account which the man could use if he ever needed to buy an aspirin or some Alka-Seltzer.

The Congressional Democrat caucus then met in emergency session to decide what to do with their new dollar. One proposal called for Congress to give the homeless man 25 cents and reserve 75 cents for future medicine purchases and things that might be needed by other disadvantaged people in the neighborhood.

Sen. Frist, frustrated with the Democrat plan, proposed a compromise that would have returned at least 35 cents to the tourist who dropped the dollar. However, debate continued late into the night with no resolution in sight.

In the meantime, the tourist earned an additional 10 dollars by washing windshields, and spent some of that to catch a bus out of town.

If you liked this satire by Scott Ott, you can see more of his work at Scrappleface.

Quote Of The Day From The Democratic Underground: I found this post on the DU and was quite entertained by it. I mean, where else but the Democratic Underground are you going to find anyone willing to defend Cuba being, "reelected without opposition on Tuesday to the United Nations top human rights body"?

aebenson307: "Bush and Ari are inscensed that Cuba is relected to Human Rights Com. These two lawless gangsters have the gall to condemn The Human Rights Commission for reelecting Cuba to be recognized as a committee member. It will be another chance for them to rain mass Terror down on another committee that these renegade rogue outlaws disagree with.
The USA has already been branded as a major violator of human rights and the worst violator in forty years. Our representatives were not allowed to participate in discussions and were ordered to sit silenced in the back row of the committe meetins with the janitors.

The UN knows who is the Human Rights Violator and Murderer and who is doing help to the needy. Cuba deserves to sit in the front row of the Commission. Powell should be banned as EVIL."

It's hard to believe that there are people without guns to their head or big checks from "El Presidente" in their pockets who still think this way....

The Saudi Version Of Noam Chomsky: If you want to see what the radical Islamist wacko set thinks about the invasion of Iraq, you need look no farther than this editorial by a professor Fatani at King Abdul Aziz University in Arab News.

This nutjob who Charles Johnson of LGF called "flat-out bugsh*t insane" claims among other things that, "almost everyone in the region believes that the Americans helped Saddam Hussein and his cronies flee the battlefield". He also seems to really believe that Bush, "could never be made to forgo the thrill of watching the actual decapitation of Saddam Hussein" & that Jay Garner going to see people who were injured in the fighting is a, "sinister development". But here's where Fatani really flies off into cloud-cuckoo land...

" Many Arabs will tell you that Saddam and his Baath ministers are all Mossad/CIA operatives working to destroy the people of Iraq and to steal their ancient land and their oil fields."

"Many Arabs" believe that Saddam Hussein works for the Mossad/CIA?!?!? What, many Arabs in institutions or high on drugs smuggled in from Afghanistan? You'd have to be deranged to buy into that theory (do I have to explain why?) and almost as loony to even think it was plausible enough to mention in a column without adding something like,"but of course, they're crazy people." I always thought America had some of the kookiest, anti-American professors in the world, but this guy is living proof that it could be worse....

Peter Arnett's "Ignorant, Biased American Morons in the Media" By Marni Malarkey: Greg Dyke, the general director of the BBC, has announced that Peter Arnett will host a new weekly show for the network called "Ignorant, Biased American Morons in the Media." The show will feature "impartial, completely objective" analyses of the US media's coverage of world events.

"We at the Beeb are infinitely more impartial and objective than you thimble-brained, George Bush's-ass-kissing American journalists and we've created this impartial, unbiased, completely objective show, with absolutely no angle, just to prove it."

Arnett, says Dyke, was the "perfect choice" to host the show, as he has "always revealed himself to be "completely fair and objective" in his reporting and he has always "behaved in a professional manner where his journalistic credentials" were concerned. "The fact that he writes for a fine paper like the Daily Mirror also works in his favour."

Dyke, who recently attacked American television and radio networks for their "shocking" and "gung-ho" coverage of the Iraq conflict, said that "only on the BBC -- or maybe in French media -- could you get the kind of fair coverage that shows you how just plain wrong the whole war was and that reminds you, constantly and relentlessly, about Coalition military setbacks, humiliations and dead Iraqi babies. We at the Beeb are proud of the fact that we have no agenda and we want to put a spotlight on the US media's painfully obvious agenda -- justifying the Texas nitwit's decisions to kill innocent Iraqis and British servicemen and women in order to fill his vice-president's bank account." Dyke said he hoped the new show would be one more step towards making sure British media "doesn't become Americanised."

Reached for comment, the host of ABC's "Nightline," Ted Koppel, said, "doesn't he mean 'Americanized'?"

If you liked this satire by Marney Malarkey, you can read more of her work at Broken Newz.

Hillary Clinton Memoir Tops Harry Potter By Scott Ott: Pre-publication sales of Sen. Hillary Clinton's long-awaited book have already bypassed J.K. Rowling's latest Harry Potter novel, outperforming all others on the New York Times best-selling fiction list.

Mrs. Clinton had received an $8 million advance for her allegory about a beautiful attorney who meets a toad who would be a prince. Despite its fanciful genre, the 576-page work will offer practical encouragement to women on some of life's everyday problems:

-- How to make something out of someone who's good for nothing.
-- Organizing and storing files.
-- Things to occupy your mind while he's working late at the office.
-- Keeping the friends you need.
-- Taking control of every last detail in your life, and the lives of those around you, so that no one can hurt you like that two-faced, philandering maggot did... ever again.

Mrs. Clinton will begin her book-signing tour at New Jersey's Paramus Park Mall in early June.

If you liked this satire by Scott Ott, you can see more of his work at Scrappleface.

It's All About The...White Male Ego: You know, I've seen a lot of whacked out theories from leftists that supposedly explain what the war in Iraq is "really about"...

The theories range from the ever popular, "war for oil", & "revenge for Saddam's attempt to Assassinate Bush 41", to "colonialism", "protecting Israel", to a "war against Islam", to even far out stuff like, "weapons testing" & capturing a "Stargate". But somehow Norman Mailer's theory that it's all about "boost(ing) the white male ego" strikes me as bizarre as any of them. I mean it's one thing to be some kook claiming that we want to get hold of alien technology. But, on the other hand, to be someone like Norman Mailer who is respected on the left writing this sort of inane gibberish in a newspaper editorial somehow strikes me as just plain old strange. Just read some of this bunkum...

"With their dominance in sport, at work and at home eroded, Bush thought white American men needed to know they were still good at something. That's where Iraq came in...

...There were, however, even better reasons for using our military skills, but these reasons return us to the ongoing malaise of the white American male. He had been taking a daily drubbing over the past 30 years. For better or worse, the women's movement had its breakthrough successes and the old, easy white male ego had withered in the glare. Even the mighty consolations of rooting for your team on TV had been skewed. There was now less reward in watching sports than there used to be, a clear and declarable loss. The great white stars of yesteryear were for the most part gone, gone in football, in basketball, in boxing, and half-gone in baseball. Black genius now prevailed in all these sports (and the Hispanics were coming up fast; even the Asians were beginning to make their mark). We white men were now left with half of tennis (at least its male half), and might also point to ice-hockey, skiing, soccer, golf, (with the notable exception of the Tiger) as well as lacrosse, swimming, and the World-Wide Wrestling Federation - remnants and orts of a once-great and glorious centrality.

On the other hand, the good white American male still had the Armed Forces. If blacks and Hispanics were numerous there, still they were not a majority, and the officer corps, (if the TV was a reliable witness), suggested that the percentage of white men increased as one rose in rank to the higher officers. Moreover, we had knock-out tank echelons, Super-Marines, and-one magical ace in the hole - the best air force that ever existed. If we cannot find our machismo anywhere else, we can certainly settle in on the interface between combat and technology. Let me then advance the offensive suggestion that this may have been one of the cardinal reasons we went looking for war."

So we went to war with Iraq to counteract feminism and success of black athletes in professional sports? This is so ludicrous and off-the-wall that you almost wonder if Mailer wrote this column on a bet. I'm amazed that even someone as out of it as Mailer could write something this silly and I'm even more surprised that the Times Online published it.

I know, I know, "you're not refuting what he said!!!" It's almost like being asked to counter the argument that the moon is made of green cheese. Is it really necessary? I mean, do I have to point out that there's no evidence to support this theory, that we're in a war against terrorism and Saddam was the leader of a terrorist supporting nation, & that many white males didn't support the war in Iraq (Mailer included)? Come on, even the lefties out there have to admit that this is just silly...

Sometimes Pain Teaches Lessons Gratitude Doesn't: I generally like Matt Welch's writing and agree with many things he says although he's to the left of center ideologically. However, when he says we're being too hard on France, I have to disagree with him. Here's the meat of a recent editorial he wrote on the subject...

"...For all its pretensions, obstructionism and internal problems, France remains one of the leading democracies in the world. The notion that such a country should be "punished" over an honest disagreement in foreign policy is paternalistic, petty and likely to encourage the very behaviour it aims to rebuke.

In addition, this single-issue, with us/against us approach, is ushering in a brand new era of realpolitik, where countries will be judged not by their record of liberal democracy, human rights and championing of freedom, but rather by how high they leaped when Washington said "jump!""

See to me, this is a pre-9/11 view of foreign policy that has been proven by events that have happened since then to be non-functional. In the past, many Americans believed that we were actually building up a store of good will with the world that could be redeemed if we ever needed help. Yet, when that day came, we found out that WW1, WW2, the Marshall Plan, The Cold War, The Gulf War, Serbia, etc, etc, meant almost nothing. Europe may have cooperated with us in the past, but in retrospect, it was only when we did most of the heavy lifting and Europe was the primary beneficiary of our actions. Now that the Europeans believe that the primary attacks are aimed at us, not them, and the Soviet Union is no longer a threat, they're cooperating with us grudgingly & sparingly if at all (Britain being the exception).

So unfortunately, we have entered a "new era of realpolitik" whether we like it or not. We've been moving that way since the Soviet Union fell. 9/11 and the events that occurred after it only sped things along. Since we have now learned from hard post-9/11 experience that other nations are willing to aid or hinder our country based on little more than narrow commercial interests, we have to adjust to that fact. That means that we can't always be, "magnanimous in victory," particularly with a nation like France that is acting as if it views itself as a rival to our country. We don't necessarily have to take every country that wasn't with us, "out to the woodshed." But, by giving France a savage economic and diplomatic beating, we'd be making sure everyone understands that we're not necessarily going to let bygones be bygones if you cross us, particularly when our national security is concerned.

The UN, NATO, and the "transatlantic alliance" have been broken for more than a decade and 9/11 just revealed the cracks. Sticking our heads in the sand and pretending that hasn't happened would just postpone the time of our rude awakening. Europe & America are not enemies YET and perhaps we will not be in the future. However, we'd better understand and react to the fact that there are a lot of people in Europe, Jacques Chirac included, who do not wish us well and who view a united Europe as a rival to the United States. We have long since proven that there is no better nation to have as a friend than the United States, but some nations need to be reminded that there can be a price to be paid for getting on our bad side as well, even if you're from Western Europe...

Mini-Movie Review -- House Of A 1000 Corpses: I caught Rob Zombie's directorial debut, "House of 1000 Corpses" this week-end and I was blown away. For the most part, the movie hasn't gotten great reviews and it's not reeling in the money at the box office. However in my humble opinion, this is one of the best horror films of all time. Coming from a horror film aficionado like myself, that is high praise indeed.

To begin with, there's nothing like this movie in the horror genre. Sure, you can make some comparisons to the, "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" because of the demented family angle, but stylistically the movie reminded me more of, "Natural Born Killers."

The opening scene of the movie that takes place in, "Capt. Spaulding's Museum of Monsters and Madmen" & is quite frankly one of the coolest scenes I've ever seen on film. Two young couples wander from the above mentioned museum into what can best be described as an "Alice in Wonderland" version of Hell on earth and things deteriorate for them from there.

The pacing is excellent and the details are superb. Little things like the dolls at the front of the "Firefly clan" house, how Tiny eats his cereal, and the nursery rhyme Baby says at an "odd" (I don't want to tell you too much) time make the movie memorable. Speaking of "Baby", she's played by first time actress "Sheila Moon" and she's the sexiest villainess ever to walk the screen as far as I'm concerned. Again I'm not going to give away too much, but you'll never think of the song, "She's a Brick House" the same way after seeing this film. Furthermore, the movie is totally unpredictable. I can't tell you how pleasant I find it these days to actually be 90% of the way through the movie without having any idea of how it's going to end.

Summing it all up, "House of 1000 Corpses" gets a thumb way, way, up. In fact, right this moment I'd rank it as my 2nd favorite horror flick of all time ahead of movies like, "The Ring", "Pet Semetary" and "The Shining" and just behind, "The Blair Witch Project". If you're not bothered by gruesome imagery (which this movie has in spades), catch it at the theater while you can...

The Weekly World News Scoops Everyone On Kim Jong-Il & The Satan/Saddam Connection: I bought the print edition of the "Weekly World News" at the supermarket this week-end on a whim and I have to tell you, these guys blow everybody else away. For example, have you ever seen this on CNN?

Apparently Kim Jong-Il watches QVC and the Home Shopping Network, replaced all the drapes, sheets, bedspreads, & towels in the presidential palace with brightly colored matching floral patterns, regularly asks if clothes certain clothes, "make me look fat", and has been a member of Oprah's bookclub since 1996 =). According to the Weekly World News, all of this has been confirmed by Jong-Il's one time doctor Sun Ho Myong who also says a bit of, "diplomatic 'pillow talk' might be in order to straighten out the situation." I may never say these words again, but by all means, I think this would be the perfect time to send in Bill Clinton to negotiate. Come on Bill, do it for your country!

Now you may think that's a big story, but it doesn't compare to finding a demon's body on an Iraqi Battlefield does it? Apparently Satan himself through in with Saddam and against any other military on earth, that may have been enough. But, apparently this demon met up with the American Seventh Calvary near Najaf and they blew him back to Hell where he belongs.

Of course, this adds a new dimension to the battle that may make the war more dangerous. The Weekly World News quotes an Army Intelligence Operative (probably the same anonymous source Seymour Hersh quoted in his spectacularly wrong stories about Afghanistan and Iraq) as saying, "We have no idea how Satan-trained troops might respond in battle. We do know that our troops haven't been trained to cope with satanic forces." On the upside, there's not yet any proof that Satan has sent 40,000 demons to defend Iraq and then invade America as the Weekly World News had earlier reported (yes, really they did). Look for an editorial next week from Ted Rall entitled, "Maybe Satan isn't so bad after all if he's attacking America."

There are also plenty of other fantastic stories in this week's Weekly World News like, "Satan's Face Seen Over Baghdad", "Legendary Skunk Ape Is Real", "Devil's Footprints Seen In Iraqi Desert", "WWN Columnist Challenges Iraq's Leader To Gunfight", & "Devil's Triangle Mystery Solved - A Giant Sea Monster Is Swallowing Ships Whole." I know all of this stuff may sound a bit fantastic, but it does at least seem to be as accurate & reliable as Robert Fisk's reporting from Iraq during the war so maybe there's something to it! =D